The Other Side
by Lelek
Summary: Roxas' life had always been pretty normal - normal friends, normal grades, normal circumstances. Well, except for the dreams. Then he met Axel.
1. I

Notes: This is the Fic I Never Intended To Write. See, I once said that I would only ever write 100 canon-compliant KH fic. Then I decided to write this. It's a little bit high school AU, a lot the-next-life fic, and the plot has elements of sci-fi/fantasy for good measure. The first chapter is a little on the short side, but the rest will be more substantial, I swear.

Disclaimer: Is this even necessary? The only Kingdom Hearts things I own are three games and the KHII soundtrack. If I owned the franchise, there would be a lot more Roxas, I'm telling you.

**I**

_"So you are leaving, then." His voice was soft, slightly strained. It was not a question._

_"I have to." He thought he should have been sad, because endings were supposed to make people sad and he knew that. But he wasn't a person, was he? And that was why he had to go. This wasn't all there was - the emptiness, the not-feeling, the longing for something that was always just out of reach - it couldn't be._

_"No, you don't!" His friend (partner, counterpart, other self,_ everything_) sounded furious suddenly, as though either of them were capable of such a thing. Long hands slammed against his shoulders, pressing him back into the wall as dry lips crushed against his and fever-bright green eyes stared him down. It would have been brutal had it not been so desperate, a demand and plea at once, and he wasn't supposed to be able to want like this, everything he was told him so, but he did and so he reached out and_

Roxas started awake with a rough gasp as a hand lightly touched his arm.

"Are you all right?" the young woman next to him asked gently, leaning closer with a concerned frown. "You were whimpering in your sleep."

He ran a hand down his face, willing the vibrant dream images away even while a deeper part of him protested loudly and tried to cling to them. "Sorry," he muttered. "I'm fine."

"It's all right." She smiled kindly. "Everyone has bad dreams."

"Heh." He forced a smile, to cover up his internal scowl. He hated falling asleep on the train. "Yeah."

Then the next station was announced and the weak smile disappeared as he sighed heavily, hefting his backpack and getting up. He'd slept through his stop again. That made the third time that month. If he didn't start keeping himself awake, he'd start getting detention, and he really couldn't afford that with only a few months left until he graduated.

Roxas _really_ hated falling asleep on the train.

"Well, take care of yourself," his train neighbour said with another gentle smile. He noticed absently, through his irritation, that she was one of those people who, while plain and ordinary-looking normally, became suddenly beautiful when they smiled. The ones who had more to them than their appearance initially suggested. The sort of people who, just maybe, had something missing inside them, too.

"Yeah, thanks, I will." He nodded at her as he got off the train, pushing his way through the crowd towards the stairs, her random act of kindness fading to background noise as the train pulled away and Roxas focused on getting to school. He'd gone three stations too far, which meant he was out of his train pass's area, which meant he was going to have to pay for the hassle of getting to school late. And there really could only be so many days he came to class tardy before his teacher started questioning his 'the train was late' excuse, so he might also be paying for the pleasure of his first ever detention. In January of his senior year. Great.

Annoyingly, an inner voice that sounded suspiciously like his cousin Sora took that moment to cheerfully inform him that he wouldn't have had those sorts of problems if he'd just chosen to go to the local high school after moving across town, like everyone had wanted him to.

Roxas scowled at the stairs. _Shut up, Sora._

As he trudged up to go pay and get to the other side of the station as quickly as possible, he did a rough mental calculation. Three stations too far meant about fifteen minutes on the train to get back if he caught an express. But it was getting a little later in the morning, so he'd probably have to wait. A local train would take forever because he'd have to get off at least one station early and wait for another train, so that was pretty much pointless and stupid. That meant he was facing at least twenty minutes to get to the right station, and then a five-minute walk to school. If he was lucky, he'd get there about a half-hour late, which was... really bad. He was so screwed in calculus.

Was it really only Tuesday? He needed another weekend already.

He got to the top of the stairs and turned the corner sharply, trying to hurry a little. Maybe, if he was really lucky, he'd get to the platform just in time to catch the right train. That happened sometimes, right? Right.

Apparently getting to school even remotely on time was not to be, though, because he immediately ran right into someone who also was either in a hurry or liked to take corners close.

"Sorry, man," he muttered, looking up apologetically even though he wanted to keep moving. Whatever he'd been meaning to say next, though, died in his throat as his gaze landed on the guy's face. Green eyes and tattoos on his cheekbones and red hair and, oh, the _green eyes_... He was staring blankly, his breath catching in his throat and his thoughts grinding to a halt. A strange mix of emotions assaulted him - relief and joy and triumph and a sudden calm that rushed to fill the part of his chest that always felt empty and hollow when he had too much time alone to think.

The guy, tall, wiry and wearing a long black trench coat, initially looked pretty pissed off, only for the anger to morph into a complicated, intense expression, made up of equal parts surprise, joy and something Roxas couldn't identify. A long hand reached out and wrapped around his wrist, tight enough to bruise, and eyes that should not have been nearly so familiar held his gaze firmly. His skin was very warm.

They stared at each other for a long moment, Roxas finding himself unable to break the silence, some irrational part of him afraid that, if he did, everything (_what everything?_) would be ruined. Then reality started to crash down on his head and he could feel his cheeks heating up at the realisation that he was staring blankly at someone the sensible part of him insisted he'd never seen before.

He opened his mouth to apologise again, more sincerely, and then get the hell to his train with some shred of dignity left intact, but he was having trouble bringing himself to pull his wrist away, and his mouth snapped shut. The contact felt familiar, like home, even though he knew, _knew_, it couldn't be.

When he finally found his voice a beat later, to his dismay he didn't say any of the normal, rational things he was supposed to. Normal, rational things that would have forced his morning back into a shape he recognised and could deal with. No, that would have made his life simple, easy, standard (_disappointing_...). Instead, he said something completely wrong that was guaranteed to make him even later than he already was and get him in a whole heap of other trouble.

"Do-do I know you?"

Judging from the way the guy's eyes lit up, Roxas felt like the answer might have been yes.


	2. II

Notes: A couple of things. First of all: updates will be slightly irregular because I only have internet access when on my university campus, which means nothing on the weekends. Second: as you will see, there is an OC in this fic, on loan from one of my novels. Consider him something of a plot device, yeah? He's not by any means the focus of the story – that's AkuRoku and (maybe!) Demyx – but he's useful for furthering my plot.

Disclaimer: I now own _four_ Kingdom Hearts games. I saw Final Mix in a used game store for ¥1900 and bought it. One step closer to franchise ownership!

**II**

The guy stared at Roxas for another moment with the same awe-struck expression, his grip on Roxas' wrist, if anything, tightening ever so slightly. Then he very abruptly let him go, crossed his lanky arms loosely across his chest and grinned, self-assured and almost cocky.

"I don't know, kid, do you?"

Roxas frowned sharply, the spell broken. Apparently, the guy was an asshole who just wanted to waste his time. As though the morning hadn't been going badly enough already.

"You know what?" he said irritably. "Forget it. This was stupid. I'm sorry for wasting your time." He hoisted his backpack a little higher over his shoulder and moved to push past the guy and get back to what he should have been doing all along. Fiercely, he told himself not to think about it too much. Catching the train was very important, standing around talking to assholes wasn't.

"Hey, hey, wait!" The same warm hand that had been around his wrist snagged his upper arm, more gently. "Don't be like that."

"Don't be like _what_?" Roxas snapped, frown deepening to a scowl. "Look, I'm sorry for running into you and then being all weird about it. I made a mistake, thought you were someone else." _This is stupid, Roxas, you don't just randomly run into the guy from your crazy dreams. This isn't some weird movie - that sort of stuff doesn't happen in real life. Stop being an idiot and move._

"Bullshit," the guy said easily, the grin returning. "There's no one like me, kid, I'm one of a kind." He was still holding onto Roxas' arm, though his grip was loose enough that Roxas could have pulled away had he wanted to. "The name's Axel. Got it memorised?"

"Axel's a weird name," Roxas said flatly. "And mine's Roxas, not kid, so don't call me that." His name had just sort of slipped out; he hadn't meant to introduce himself. It was almost embarrassing how easily the guy, Axel, had got that much out of him.

"Ro-xas," Axel said slowly, drawing it out, almost like he was tasting the syllables and liking the flavour very much. "All right. Well, Roxas, we seem to find ourselves in an interesting situation."

"Really?" His voice was so flat it was barely a question. "Seems pretty straightforward to me - I ran into you going around the corner, thought you were someone you're not, now we're wasting each other's time. The end."

"Uh-uh," Axel said, wagging the index finger of his free hand. "You're not getting off that easily. I saw the way you were staring at me."

"Well, what about you?" Roxas demanded, face heating up again. "You can't just pin this whole thing on me."

Axel shrugged carelessly, finally letting Roxas have his arm back. "Fair enough. So, as I was trying to establish: weird shit abounds. Now, I don't know about you, but I think this calls for further consideration. How does breakfast sound?"

"...What?" Roxas asked blankly, staring again, less awe-struck now and more confused. When had the conversation, if it could even be called that, turned around to going for breakfast? And why did he want so badly to go? More importantly, why did he want the guy (who _was_ a stranger, damn it) to touch him again?

"Breakfast, Rox, breakfast. You, me, cheap and greasy food - a little chance to figure out what just happened. Because I don't think this is something you should brush off so easily, Roxas, I really don't." And, suddenly, he sounded very sincere, very earnest. Like Roxas coming with him and talking it out was the most important thing Roxas could do. Like there really _was_ something between them. And that was weird and crazy and stupid and sounded like the best idea in the world.

Except for the fact that he was already definitely late for calculus and getting himself in more trouble by the second.

"I... I can't. I have to get to school." And, no, he didn't sound disappointed or apologetic at all, thank you very much. "I'm already late." Well, maybe he did, just a little.

Axel paused, some of his momentum stolen by the appearance of an obstacle. Then he recovered, grinning again and pulling out a pen. "Give me your hand." Without waiting for Roxas to respond, he grabbed it and wrote his number on the back. "Give me a call when you're _not_ on your way to class, all right? Don't let me down now, Roxas." And he tossed him another grin, a wink and a little wave as he hoisted his black and red messenger bag and stepped around him. Then he paused for a second to squeeze his shoulder and give him a quick, complicated sidelong look before disappearing into the crowd.

Roxas stared after him blankly, hand and shoulder tingling, expression slightly lost.

"Well, fuck."

-

Ultimately, he walked into calculus twelve minutes before it ended, which was almost worse than not having shown up at all. His teacher frowned at him as he tried to quietly slip to his seat.

"Let me guess, Mister Strife, the train was late?"

Roxas sat down next to his friends, face warm for the third time that morning. "No, sir, I missed my station."

"I see. Talk to me after class."

He managed to suppress his despairing groan, nodding shallowly instead. Next to him, his best friend, Hayner, raised his eyebrows questioningly, but didn't try to ask so soon after Roxas had got himself in trouble.

When the bell rang, Hayner, Pence and Olette shot him sympathetic glances as they left the classroom. He hoped they'd wait for him - after the morning he'd had, he really didn't feel like walking to class alone.

His teacher gave him a look. "Well, Mister Strife, start talking. What happened to you this morning?"

"I told you, sir, I missed my station. I fell asleep on the train and, when I woke up, I'd gone three stations too far. I had a little bit of trouble getting back." Roxas rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"What sort of trouble?" The man's eyes narrowed slightly with what was probably concern, though it was hard to say for sure.

_About six feet tall, greenest eyes I've ever seen in my life and wearing a trench coat. Very ho-not going to finish that thought. No. Definitely not._ "I ran into someone. I mean, literally, I walked into him. So I missed my train because I stopped to apologise." It was kind of true. He _had_ run into Axel, after all. And he _had_apologised. That was where the whole thing started.

"I see." Roxas hated it when teachers said that. It usually meant that they either saw too much or not nearly enough. "Well given that, despite your questionable attendance, you're one of my better students, I'm going to let you off again. But bear in mind, Mister Strife, there are only so many more late entries to my class that I can allow before giving you detention."

Roxas winced. "I know, sir. Thank you. I won't fall asleep on the train again."

"Well, get going, then. I don't want to make you late to another class today. One, I think, is more than enough." And he waved him on, smiling thinly, which Roxas decided was better than nothing.

Outside in the hall, his friends were faithfully waiting. Roxas really appreciated it. Lately, he hadn't been clicking with them quite as well as he had in the past, something felt off all the time, but that didn't mean they weren't still his friends, weren't still the people he hung out with more than anyone else. Even if he felt sometimes like maybe he was outgrowing them a little. He told himself it was just because he was getting jittery with the approach of true adulthood and the end of twelve years of public education. Everything would be fine again once the stress of senior year was over. Or maybe once (_if_) the dreams let up a little.

But the dreams made him think of Axel again, so he shoved the thought away.

Hayner cocked his head the right. "What happened to you this morning, man? I mean, you've been late a few times recently, but never more than ten or fifteen minutes. You practically missed the entire class."

"I know," Roxas said, rubbing his eyes. "But I wasn't lying - I fell asleep on the train and went a few stations too far. It was an accident." He didn't tell them about Axel. He couldn't put his finger on why, but it felt... wrong, somehow, to tell them.

Olette frowned slightly, looking worried. "Are you feeling all right, Roxas? You seem so tired all the time. Have you thought about seeing a doctor?"

Roxas shook his head firmly. "I'm fine, Olette, I've just had some trouble sleeping lately. Stress, you know?" It was just true enough not to be a lie. Somehow, that didn't make him feel much better.

Hayner snorted. "What have you got to be stressed about? Compared to me, your grades are gold."

"Well, maybe, if you did more work, your scores would look more like Roxas'." Olette put her hands on her hips and glared at him. She could be a bit of a nag with all of them, it was her way of showing she cared, but Hayner had got the brunt of it ever since they'd started dating. Roxas couldn't say he was sorry about that.

"I do plenty of work!" he protested. "Pence and Roxas will vouch for me. Won't you guys?"

"Sure," Pence said, always the most easygoing of their foursome. "Of course we will. Lay off a little, Olette, it's not like he's failing yet."

"Yeah, it's not - wait. Pence, you bitch." Hayner made a casual swipe at Pence's head, but his scowl was only half-hearted.

Roxas smirked. "You two fight it out. Olette and I, at least, are going to go to class. Right, Olette?"

"Right," she agreed. "Don't blame us if you're late!" Her teasing was softened by the kiss she darted up to drop on Hayner's cheek. Sweet, slightly innocent. As far as Roxas could tell, that summed up the physical part of their relationship, much to Hayner's obvious frustration. Olette wasn't the kind of girl who'd go very far with a guy, even a guy she'd known since first grade, after only two months.

And this... this was normal. This was safe. This was the world Roxas belonged to, full of people he'd known for most of his life, classes he found boring, teachers who alternated between indifferent and overly concerned. No outrageous, cocky redheads who may or may not have been the focus of most of Roxas' dreams since he was twelve years old, no chance encounters in train stations resulting in a phone number scribbled on the back of his hand. This was Real Life.

But, glancing down at his hand, he hesitated, then made a quick, rash decision and pulled out his phone, entering the number quickly into the memory. Before his friends could notice what he was doing, he'd slipped it back into his pocket, done.

Maybe Real Life wasn't quite all it was cracked up to be.

-

Across town, as he walked down the sidewalk in the cold winter sunshine, Axel pulled out his own phone, hands shaking from excitement and maybe a little bit from nerves. He flipped the little device open and hit the first number on speed dial.

It only rang twice before a soft, languid voice answered. "Hello?"

"I found him, Neric!" Axel said by way of introduction, voice trembling like his hands.

"You found who?" Neric sounded vague, distracted, his vowels drawn out even longer than usual. The call was obviously coming in second to whatever else he was doing.

"Roxas, who else?" Axel grinned broadly, even though Neric couldn't see it. "He was just... _there_, Neric. Right there in the train station. Beautiful and breathing and solid and real and, oh god, it was so hard not to just sweep him up and carry him home right then."

"Wait, slow down a little." Neric sounded slightly more alert suddenly. All background noise had stopped. "You actually found him? Did he remember you?"

Axel paused. "Well, not exactly, but..."

"What do you mean _not exactly_?"

"I mean, he kind of did, but mostly didn't. When he ran into me, Ner, he was staring at me like... like... I can't even describe it. He looked so surprised and-and happy, like his world had just got a little better or something. And then he said, 'do I know you?' and I wanted to say yes, but I didn't because he's not quite there yet. You know? So I tried to prompt him a little, sort of teased him, and he glared and got all offended and it was the cutest thing in the world, and I would be taking him to breakfast right now and trying to get a little more out of him, but he had to get to school. So I gave him my number and I _think_ he'll call. He looked interested enough, anyway." He cut himself off abruptly, taking a deep, steadying breath.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "He had to get to school? How old is he, Axel?"

Axel waved his hand negligently, another wasted gesture given that the other half of the conversation was in another part of town. "Seventeen at the youngest, Neric. I swear, it's okay, he's not a little kid or something. A little younger than me, yeah, but not too much."

"I can't believe you just found him like this. It never happens this way." Axel couldn't tell if Neric was pleased or annoyed by this development.

"Well, it did this time. And, anyway, this _is_ different - it's me and Roxas, not just anyone."

"Hmm," Neric replied non-commitally. "I hope he calls you, then. And, more to the point, I hope he's a candidate. It might be hard for you if he's not, if the vague impressions are all he ever has."

Axel shook his head firmly. "Doesn't matter, Ner. Even if he's not a candidate, I'm going to do my best to get him to fall in love with me right here and now. Everything will be great, you'll see."

"All right, Axel." Axel could just barely hear the sound of typing start up again. "As long as you don't let your hopes get too high too soon. But right now, I'm working, as you should be, so fuck off and let me be productive."

"What are you doing, anyway? It sounds tech-y."

"There was a system error, I've been dealing with it since about a quarter past four." Now that he called some attention to it, Axel couldn't help but notice that he sounded tired, not just distracted.

"Ooh, ouch. Wasn't there anyone else who could do it? I know Zexion knows his way around the system well enough. Seems a little... beneath your classification, up before dawn to fix the computers."

"Not this time." And Axel could picture the restless way Neric was rubbing the side of his nose right then. "Sometimes I'm the only one who _can_ deal with this sort of thing. It doesn't matter how well someone knows the system if they don't have the right access codes. And only I know all of them."

"You ever thought about changing that?" Axel frowned slightly, concerned at Neric's total disregard for his own well-being. The man would get sick if he wasn't careful and he was way too important for that. Moreover, he was Axel's friend. He wasn't allowed to risk his health like that. It was just against the rules.

His friend laughed wryly. "Only every time I have to do shit like this at four in the morning. But, seriously, go away. The sooner I finish this, the sooner I can go back to bed. Only call me if there's a Roxas-related development, yeah? If nothing changes, conveniently lose my number for awhile."

Axel smirked. "Will do, Ner. Hurry up and get some sleep - you sound like hell."

"Sigh, what a charmer. I wonder whatever possessed me to let you go." And with that, Neric disconnected the call, ending their conversation and making Axel chuckle.

Unfortunately, the sudden lack of distraction meant that all he had to do was wait around like some kind of fucking lovesick schoolgirl for Roxas to call. And he would. Axel was sure of it.

But it was still going to be a long day.


	3. III

Notes: Um, the fic is going to pick up a lot from here, now that I can get into the good stuff. My introductions can be kind of slow because I kind of suck at beginning long stories. I swear I'm getting to the plot!

Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, I'm not telling.

**III**

Roxas spent the rest of his day fixated on Axel. He didn't really mean to be, it was just hard to drag his thoughts away from the redhead who seemed so goddamn familiar. And infuriating. Definitely infuriating. It was a dangerous combination. How could one person make him so desperately want to hit them and cling to them at the same time? It was weird and maybe a little creepy and Roxas was not all that happy about it, even though that stupid, irrational part of himself insisted on being fucking ecstatic.

"Are you okay, Roxas?" Olette asked quietly as they left their last class. "You've been really distracted all day."

He winced. Apparently his efforts to keep himself looking as normal as possible had failed miserably. Good to know he was a bad actor.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Today's just been... a little weird, is all. I got all thrown off this morning and I guess it really messed up my day." He shrugged, trying to be casual about it. Judging by the look on Olette's face, he was having only middling success. "I'm sure I'll be okay tomorrow, after getting some sleep and a better start."

"I hope so," Pence said. "It's kinda hard to talk to you when you're barely here."

"Heh, yeah, I'd imagine." He found himself uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck, like he had that morning after calculus. "Sorry, guys, I'll try to snap out of it."

What he _needed_ to do was make a decision about Axel. Even though he was the last person Roxas should have been thinking about while still at school with his friends. It was just that, until he'd decided what he was going to do, his thoughts were going to keep circling back around to that morning's events and he knew it. He'd put the number in his phone, that was the first step. But he still had to figure out if he was going to call or not.

_To call or not to call..._ He almost cringed at how lame and cliché that thought was, but cringing at nothing probably wouldn't have convinced his friends that he was a-okay, so he managed to contain it.

Why did it have to seem so difficult? It really was a pretty simple, straightforward debate. Did he call the guy who felt more familiar than his best friends, even though he knew nothing about him? Or did he let it go, delete the number and go back to his normal (_boring..._) life?

In the end, the decision was practically made for him.

So he pushed it mostly aside, dilemma mostly resolved, and managed to mostly focus enough to smile at one of Hayner's sarcastic jokes.

"Are you busy tonight, Roxas?" Pence asked. "While you were out of it, we talked about going to hang out at the mall for awhile after school. Something to do before heading home for an exciting night of homework."

Roxas' resolve on his decision wavered slightly at the chance to keep his old, reliable friendships afloat. He was pretty sure he'd been a very bad friend recently, not always around and sort of distant when he was. It was amazing they hadn't just given up on him. But then he remembered how he'd felt that morning with Axel and held his ground.

"Actually, guys, I really should be getting home pretty early tonight. Maybe we can all do something this weekend?" He smiled apologetically and hated himself a little bit for not actually feeling bad about the disappointment clearly written on Olette's face.

"You sure?" Hayner asked, almost suspiciously, picking up on it, too.

"Yes, Hayner, I'm sure. Sorry, guys."

"It's okay," Olette said brightly, trying to keep tempers even and the conversation friendly. "We'll just do something this weekend, like you said. It seems like we hardly ever hang out anymore, that's all. You're always so tired, or busy."

The self-loathing went up a notch when he still didn't feel particularly sorry. "I know, Olette, and I'm sorry. Things have just been... off lately. It'll get better, though, I know it will." _As soon as I've talked to Axel again._

"Well, if it doesn't," Hayner said, crossing his arms, "I reserve the right to kick your ass. We're your friends, Roxas, your _best_ friends. Don't go off and ditch us for no reason."

Roxas gaped at him for a second, caught off-guard even though he knew Hayner well enough that what he said wasn't all that unexpected. "I'm not ditching you!"

_Way to sound defensive there, Roxas, real smooth. _

Why had his inner voice switched from sounding annoyingly like Sora to sounding annoyingly like Axel? He'd only met the guy that morning, for god's sake. This was getting out of hand and it had barely started.

"All right, guys!" Olette snapped before the tension could escalate into a fight, hands on her hips. "Knock it off."

"Yeah," Pence said, frowning. "Chill out. It's not that big a deal. We'll do something fun this weekend, all of us." Hayner frowned and crossed his arms, but nodded, crisis averted.

"Well," Roxas said after a silence in which they stared at each other, feeling even more off-balance suddenly than he had before, "like I said, guys, I've really got to get home. But I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully I'll even be on time for once."

"...Okay," Olette said hesitantly, after another moment of awkward silence. "Get some sleep, Roxas. I think it'll help a lot."

"I will." He smiled at her, but could tell from her expression that it wasn't the good old Roxas smile she'd been hoping for. "Thanks, Olette. See you!"

And with that he turned and fled.

-

As it turned out, Roxas did not go straight home like he'd said. But he didn't immediately pull out his phone and call Axel, either. Instead, he took the train back to the part of the city where he lived and wandered around aimlessly for awhile, wondering how his life had managed to get turned upside-down so fast by the appearance of one guy. Albeit one very interesting, attention-grabbing guy.

Eventually, he ended up in the local park. It was pretty deserted, what with the rapidly fading daylight and cold January wind, so he went to the empty playground area and sat down on one of the swings. It was as good a place as any to make what was turning out to be one of the most difficult phone calls of his life - no one around to listen in and no chance of someone he knew coming to look for him.

Still, he stared at his phone for a few minutes, debating again. Was it really a good idea to call? Even if Axel seemed familiar, that didn't mean Roxas should just blindly trust the situation. But... he just had a feeling that trusting was the best choice. He _needed_ to do this. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't.

It shouldn't have been so hard to figure out what he wanted.

"This is stupid," he muttered finally, flipping the phone open and finding Axel's number.

It rang once, twice and had just started on the third when it was picked up. "Hello?"

At the sound of Axel's voice, which felt as familiar and welcome in his ears as earlier his hand had on his arm, something inside Roxas' chest unclenched a little.

"Um, hi," he said quietly. "It's, um... it's Roxas."

There was a short silence in which Roxas began to worry that he'd made a mistake. Then, "Roxie! You actually called, and on the same day, too. I'm impressed, kid, you're a lot bolder than you acted this morning." Despite the teasing, he sounded... happy. Like Roxas had just made his day or something.

"Didn't I tell you not to call me kid?" He rolled his eyes, but it was only half-hearted. He was having trouble containing a silly, happy smile that his call was welcome. "That's why you know my name, idiot."

"Aw, but it suits you. I mean, you _did_ have to run off to school and all."

"Hey, I'm almost done with that shit." A good thing, too. Roxas didn't know how much more high school he could handle – it got more and more tedious and exhausting every day.

"You a senior, then?" Roxas thought he could hear a bit of... not quite worry, apprehension maybe, in Axel's tone.

"I am, yeah. Less than six months left now, thank god."

"Good, that's... yeah, that's good." Now he sounded almost relieved. Had he been worrying that Roxas was a kid or something? But that was an awkward train of thought, so Roxas forcibly derailed it.

"How old are _you_?" Roxas asked curiously. He felt like he had a right to know, after all, since Axel seemed to have a talent for getting personal information out of him before Roxas' common sense could catch up. "Are you a college student or something?"

Axel hesitated for a second. "No, I'm... I've got a job. It's pretty sweet, actually - great people, a lot of flexibility, interesting work. Sort of everyone's ideal, you know?"

"Oh. Cool." That did sound pretty awesome when he thought about it, steady income with a lot of freedom. The sort of job Roxas wouldn't mind having after he graduated. "But you didn't tell me how old you are."

Axel chuckled and, even over the phone, it sent a little shiver down Roxas' spine. "I'm twenty-one, almost twenty-two. A real, live, certifiable grown-up."

Okay, that wasn't too bad, three years. Not that Roxas had even _thought_ about anything that might be weird with a big age difference, of course. "Right, 'cause from what I've witnessed you are the very picture of maturity."

"Hey now, Rox, you're not allowed to make any judgements till we've spent some quality time together. Speaking of which, are you busy tonight?" His tone had somehow managed to brighten a bit more. "I gracefully accepted this morning's rain check, like the reasonable adult I am, which means you owe me. Is dinner cool, or were you set on us going on a breakfast date?"

Roxas choked. "Wh-who said anything about a date?"

Axel laughed and Roxas could feel an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck. "Relax, Roxie, it's just a figure out speech. Of course, if you _want_ to call it a date, all for real-like, I'd be down with that."

There was a pause. "You're teasing me," Roxas said flatly, covering his burning face with his hand, glad there was no one around to witness his embarrassment.

"Only because you're cute enough to invite it." He could just tell from his tone that Axel was grinning. For some reason, that didn't annoy him as much as it should have.

"Am not." Roxas hated being called cute. It was probably a side effect of being short - girls always seemed to find short guys adorable in that stupid 'awww' sort of way. In Roxas' opinion, it was really fucking annoying.

"Oh, but you are. You may be in denial at the moment, no doubt due to your continued confinement in the prison known as public education, but I'm sure you'll come around." Roxas sighed and rolled his eyes again, mostly exasperated, but with the first hints of fondness. "So, dinner. Yes? No? Oh, Axel, do you even have to ask?"

Another sigh, more sincere this time. "Dinner sounds fine. I'm starving."

"The list of things we have in common just keeps growing." The grin was back in his voice, bright and happy. "I know a great place, too, cheap and good. Can you meet me at our station in twenty?"

"_Our_ station?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, yeah. You know, the station where we were obviously fated to meet, et cetera, et cetera."

Roxas had to smile a little bit. He'd have to pay for it, since it _was_ out of his area, but he didn't mind nearly as much as he had that morning when it was for school. "Sure, Axel, whatever you say. I'll be there."

"Awesome. I'm glad you called, Rox, I really am." He paused, like he was going to continue, then seemed to decide against whatever he'd wanted to say. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah," Roxas said, feeling a little odd, but in a good way for once, some of the emptiness fading away. "Yeah, you will."

It was starting to look like maybe the day wasn't a total loss. His friend problems were completely unresolved, and getting worse by the day, but he'd called Axel and it hadn't been a total disaster. Of course, dinner not-dates with not-strangers were their own sort of nightmare. But he was... well, he was happy. It was a nice change.

It wasn't good to let himself get too optimistic too soon, but Roxas suddenly felt that it was safe to say things were looking up.


	4. IV

Notes: So, there was a definite delay on this chapter. I'd like to claim a dramatic reason like my almost getting killed by yakuza or something, but really it's just that university ate me. And the guy I'm tutoring in English turned out to speak the worst English in the world despite eight years of study. No, for real, this is how the first conversation went:

Me: So, have you ever been to America?

Him: blank, slightly panicked stare

Me: sigh America ni ita koto ga aru?

More to the point, yay reviews! Reviews always make my day. :D

Disclaimer: My KH ownership has increased to FIVE games and the KHII soundtrack.

**IV**

As he walked to the train station, doing his best to contain the biggest smile of his life and mostly failing, Axel called Neric again to let him know that Roxas had come through like Axel had said he would, had _known_ he would.

A slightly sleep-fuzzy voice that was definitely not Neric's answered snappishly, "_What?_"

"Kai, give the phone to Neric, it's important," Axel replied impatiently, tapping his fingers against the shiny black plastic.

"We're _sleeping_." Axel could hear Neric in the background asking what was going on and would Kai please lie back down because he'd taken the blankets with him?

"It's almost five!"

"We had to get up at four to fix the fucking computers!" Kai shot back, sounding more alert, and thereby more annoyed, by the second.

"Just give the phone to Neric, you lazy fuck, I'm not joking around." A passing mother with a small child glared at him for the profanity and he flipped her off casually.

There was the brief sound of a struggle, a muttered micro-argument, then Neric's voice, tone slightly clipped, replaced Kai's. "Axel. What do you want? Talk fast because I'm about thirty seconds away from letting Kai throw the phone out the window so I can go back to sleep."

Instantly, Axel's spirits shot back up. "It's Roxas, Neric, he called - in the same day and everything! I told you I had him!" The wide smile returned full-force as he got back to his original train of thought.

There was a small pause, as Neric's sleepy brain seemed to catch up with the conversation. "Wait, really? You mean you were actually right? It's about the Project, Kai, please shut _up_."

Axel smirked. "Domestic troubles? And of course I was right, Ner, I know my Roxas."

"Axel, be careful about that. He's not going to be exactly the same as Before. _You're_ not the same. No one ever is. Different circumstances change things." It was the same warning Neric had been shoving at him for years, ever since he'd Remembered. _Don't get your hopes too high, don't expect too much, be careful so you won't be disappointed and, for god's sake, don't do anything too stupid._

"I know that, Neric, don't be an ass. His _personality_ is going to be the same, the base of what he is, and that's the part that matters. So some things will have changed, that's not a bad thing. He just needs to remember a little bit more and we'll be able to make things right and be happy." _Like we're supposed to be._ But he didn't voice that thought. Neric already had what he'd been missing, his emptiness had been filled. Sometimes he seemed to forget the desperation that came with the search.

"All right, Axel," he replied calmly, still in the face of excitement on one side and extreme irritation on the other. Neric was nearly impossible to shake, which made him both very reliable normally and very terrifying when his patience finally wore thin and he snapped. Axel had seen him snap. It was not something he liked to think about.

"So... that's it. You told me to tell you if there were any Roxas-related developments." Axel shrugged one shoulder.

"I did, didn't I?" Neric said wryly. "Well, now I know, so go away. Apparently you missed the memo, but it's time for sleeping."

"Neric, it's past five." He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, another gesture wasted due to the distance of phone communication.

"When you, too, find yourself getting up in the middle of the night to work, you will understand why any hour is a perfect time to sleep."

Axel smirked, amused. "Are you secretly vampires or something? I don't know anyone who can sleep during the day as well as you two."

"Yes," Neric said, voice deadpan, "that is obviously the real answer. It has nothing to do with having to work odd hours. Please don't call again today, we really are very tired."

"Duly noted. Bye, Neric." And he ended the call, taking pity on the overworked and sleep-deprived.

But it was hard to focus on Neric, computer problems and maybe the growing need for a night shift (and, oh, wouldn't that suck) with his impending Roxas date to think about. He'd bring the sleep thing up at the next meeting or something and then not have to feel like he was ignoring his friend-cum-employer. Problem kind of solved.

For now, though, he had a certain cute blonde to woo.

-

Roxas was nervous. Which was stupid because it _wasn't_ a date, damn it. There was no reason at all for him to feel like a fifteen-year-old girl going on her first date with her crush or something equally lame. Except... every time he started to feel kind of okay with the whole thing, he remembered the intensity of green eyes that had haunted his sleep for years, and the heat of a smooth hand around his wrist, and the rush of recognition-elation-triumph that had flooded his chest and made him feel light headed and calm at once. And then he was back to square one - nervous and jittery and impatient.

Of course the trains conspired against him, so he was a little over five minutes late and could add 'anxious' to the list of appropriate adjectives. What if Axel had thought he wasn't going to show and given up on him?

He groaned internally at how ridiculous he was being. He wasn't a girl, for crying out loud. He could just hear Hayner's voice in his head telling him to toughen up a little. But he didn't really want to think about Hayner (or his other friends, for that matter) while he was going on a not-date they didn't know anything about. A not-date with a guy they'd never met, no less.

Fortunately, Axel was there, leaning against the wall next to an alcove with a bakery and a florist. To Roxas' satisfaction, he was looking a bit anxious himself. At least Roxas wasn't the only one not completely chill about it.

As soon as he saw Roxas coming, however, his face lit up with a blinding grin. "Good, you came," he called cheerily as Roxas neared. "I was starting to worry you'd flaked out on me."

"The train was late," Roxas snapped back, his irritation only half-hearted and a stubborn smile almost breaking through. "I take no responsibility."

Axel's easy smile was reassuring. "I'll graciously accept your excuse in place of an apology. Come on, blondie, let's go eat, I'm starved."

"Is there something wrong with my name?" Roxas asked dryly, falling more or less into step beside his taller companion. "'Cause you seem pretty good at finding replacements."

"Roxas is a great name," he said matter-of-factly. "In fact, I really like it. But what can I say? You're too cute not to get nicknames."

Roxas could feel heat creeping up the sides of his neck, but he willed it back. "Excuse me? Did you just call me _cute?"_

_"_That I did, Rox. Why?" He tilted his head to flash him a self-satisfied smirk. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"I am _not_ cute," Roxas replied flatly. "I'm sure we've already covered this one and I'm afraid that people who insist on calling me that face serious consequences."

"Aww, but you_ are_ cute! All little and blonde and irritable." The smirk widened to another lazy grin. "What can I say? You fit my definition so well."

"You're obnoxious," Roxas replied in the same flat tone, raising his eyebrows challengingly.

Axel waved a long hand negligently. "I'm sure you'll come to long for my company soon enough. I'm just loveable like that, see."

"Uh huh." He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure. Where are we going to eat?"

"This little place a couple blocks away. It's great, but kind of a secret, so don't spread it around. Wouldn't want it to get overwhelmed with riffraff." Axel winked rakishly. "But I'm going to go out on a limb here, take a leap of faith, and share it with you."

"I feel honoured," Roxas deadpanned.

"As well you should." He nodded approvingly, leading the way out of the station and to the right. "I hope you like Italian food."

"Italian's fine." When it came to food, Roxas was pretty agreeable. Life was easier that way. "I like most types of food, really."

"Yet another thing we have in common!" Axel declared with a triumphant wave of his arm that almost hit an innocent bystander.

"Oh my god," Roxas muttered, covering his eyes briefly, torn between embarrassment and a desire to laugh. "I'm going out for dinner with a psychopath."

"Hey, hey, what did I say about not judging before we've hung out?" The hand that had waved so recklessly was co-opted for the purpose of waggling a finger reprovingly. "Really, Roxie, you need to try to keep an open mind. Maybe you'll learn something." He almost sounded serious there, like it was something he really wanted Roxas to think about. The shift was almost imperceptible, but Roxas still zeroed in on it. He resisted the urge to squirm uncomfortably, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets instead.

Axel's whole demeanour changed abruptly, obviously, to pure concern. "Are you cold?"

"A bit, yeah." Roxas shrugged. "It's kind of January, if you hadn't noticed."

"Well, _I_ have, obviously." He gestured to his trench coat. "_You_, however, seem to be in denial. What's with the jacket? You're gonna get hypothermia."

Roxas shot him another irritated scowl. "Stop acting like some weird approximation of my mother. You said the restaurant's just around the corner - I'm not going to die on the way."

"Hmm." Axel looked slightly unconvinced. He started to say something else, no doubt another reprimand for not being out in proper winter attire, when he looked up at the next building. "Oh, here we are."

The restaurant was pretty nondescript - kind of small and inconspicuous, tucked away between two larger and more impressive stores, with a small sign declaring its name to be Italian Vines.

Roxas eyed it thoughtfully. _No wonder it's sort of a secret. I definitely wouldn't have stopped here on my own._

Axel guided him in, stopping to open and hold the door, which brought on another round of heat stubbornly creeping up his neck. It still wasn't a date, though, no matter how Axel acted.

"This place is awesome, a real mom and pop joint, you know? The couple who own it are really nice and they kind of know me by now." He grinned and waved at the older woman carrying drinks from the bar to a table.

"Axel," she said, voice warm and coloured with a slight Italian accent. "We haven't seen you in awhile. And you brought a friend! Sit wherever you like, I'll be over in just a minute."

"See?" Axel murmured, smiling broadly, as he led Roxas to a corner table next to the windows. "This is my favourite restaurant. Hands down."

For some reason, it made Roxas feel light and happy to know that Axel was choosing to share his favourite place with him. It felt... special, in a way. Judging by the way Axel's smile had softened slightly, almost affectionately, Roxas realised that he was probably smiling like an idiot. That was nice, too, though, a little bit, to smile just because he was happy, and not because he felt like it was the right thing to do. He'd felt like that a lot recently, almost like he was obligated to be happy so no one would worry or freak out.

The woman appeared at that moment with a couple of menus and another warm smile. "You two take your time, yes? Just wave at me when you're ready." She looked at Roxas. "I'm Sofia."

"Oh, um, I'm Roxas," he said, surprised by the personal treatment. Like they were guests at her house or something, rather than restaurant customers.

"It's nice to meet you, Roxas. Axel never brings friends here, I'm glad he finally found someone he wants to share with." The smile turned back on Axel briefly before she left them alone.

"She's... really nice," Roxas said, blinking after her.

"I told you - this place is amazing." Axel didn't even pick up his menu. "I know what I want already. Order anything, it's all good."

"Noted." Roxas scanned the short menu thoughtfully. The selections were fairly basic, pasta mostly, with a variety of sauces.

"So, Roxas," Axel said conversationally as he watched him peruse the menu, "tell me about you. Where you're from, what you like to do, your favourite song, favourite colour." When Roxas looked up, eyes slightly wide, he flashed another soft smile.

Roxas hesitated. "Well, um, I'm from here, actually - I've never lived anywhere else. Moved around town a couple of times, though." He paused, considering his dinner choices and what he wanted to say. "I like books a lot, which surprises some people for some reason. Apparently I look like an illiterate moron? I don't know. But I read a lot." He shrugged one shoulder and decided on a spaghetti with cream sauce, setting the menu down and looking up again. "And, um, I don't think I have a favourite song, really, but I do like the colour red."

"How fortunate for me," Axel said teasingly. "It would be absolutely _devastating_ if you didn't like my hair."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Your hair is ridiculous."

"You're one to talk, spike," Axel shot back.

"Oh, god, please don't call me that. People call my brother that and I hate being compared to him." Roxas made a face.

"You have a brother?" Apparently that caught his attention, and maybe not in a good way, though Roxas wasn't sure why.

"Yeah. His name's Cloud, he's seven years older than I am and he doesn't live here anymore." Another casual shrug. "The divorce happened right after he graduated and I guess he didn't like the way things were after, so he left. And I don't know why I'm telling you this, sorry." The blush made it past his neck and onto his face this time. What was his problem? Spilling the more depressing parts of his life story to a stranger in a restaurant? Lame.

"No, no, don't be sorry," Axel said quickly, reaching across the table to grab his hand reassuringly. "I asked you to talk, remember? I want to get to know you, Roxas, really. Don't ever feel bad for telling me things."

Roxas stared at him, unbalanced by the sincerity in his eyes and voice, hand tingling slightly. He managed to resist the urge to curl his fingers through Axel's, barely, though the rest of his brain seemed to be having trouble keeping to the 'this is not a date, act normal' plan.

"I swear I know you," he found himself whispering suddenly, blue eyes wide and bright. "Why do you feel so familiar?"

Axel tightened his grip on Roxas' hand slightly. "Maybe," he whispered back, "you need to get to know me better and find out."

"Maybe I'll do that." Against his better judgement, his hand did curl around Axel's, just a little bit.

Then, as it had a habit of doing, reality came back in, shattering the sudden stillness and clarity between them. He pulled back, hand moving to fidget with the corner of the menu, cheeks flushing again. "God, I'm sorry. I'm not normally this weird, I swear."

He was pretty sure he could see disappointment in Axel's vividly green eyes when their hands separated. "You're not weird, Rox. You're just you."

He frowned at him, regaining some of his composure. "You're not helping with the weirdness, you know. Instead you're-you're _encouraging_ it. Stop being an enabler!"

Axel blinked twice, then cracked up. "Okay, Roxas, _that_ was a little weird. What the fuck, an enabler?"

"Shut up, it was the first thing I thought of." Roxas kicked his shin under the table.

"Ooh, is Roxie trying to flirt?" Axel smirked.

"No, _Roxas_ is trying to get Axel to stop being a jerk."

"Mmhmm, just keep telling yourself that, blondie." His smirk was satisfied and pleased.

"Can we just order now?" He kicked his other shin for good measure, ignoring the way the smirk broadened.

"Of course, Roxie." Somehow, the nickname was managing to stick. "Anything for you. You just have to ask." He winked outrageously.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind."

-

Dinner had gone... surprisingly well. The food had been just as good as Axel had promised and the conversation had shifted between snappy not-quite-flirting and almost unsettling sincerity. He hadn't got much out of Axel aside from the fact that he, too, was local, and that he had an apartment not too far from the station, but he didn't worry about it. It just felt like they'd known each other forever, which bothered Roxas just as much as he enjoyed the comfortable companionship. It was just really fucking weird, was all; almost enough to make him start thinking there was more to his dreams than a subconscious stuck on one channel.

After they finished, and Axel insisted on paying despite Roxas' loud protests that he wasn't a girl, for crying out loud, they started walking and just sort of kept going, down side streets and past quiet shops, closed for the night.

"Do you need to be home at a certain time?" Axel asked.

Roxas shook his head. "No, there's no one home right now. As long as I make last train, I don't have anything to worry about."

"No one home?" He sounded on the verge of worry.

"Yeah." Roxas shrugged. "It's no big deal, Axel, my mom's just on a business trip right now. She'll be back on Sunday."

"Mm," Axel responded vaguely, as they settled into another silence.

Then Roxas shivered and the concern was back full-force in Axel's bright-bright eyes. "Oh, man, I didn't even think about you only having a jacket." Abruptly, he slung his arm around Roxas' narrow shoulders and drew him closer against his side. When Roxas started to pull away, on reflex more than anything else, he sighed. "Chill, Rox, you're going to get sick or something, the way you're dressed."

"That's not true," Roxas said stubbornly, though he stopped trying to get out from under Axel's lanky arm. He was very warm, even through the coat, and it _was_ pretty cold outside. "It's just an old wives' tale."

"Well, either way, I don't want you to freeze on our little walk." Apparently, Axel was stubborn, too, and Roxas sighed heavily.

"Fine, have it your way."

Axel grinned down at him. "Now that's what I like to hear! If only you were this agreeable all the time!"

"I thought you said I was cute because I'm irritable," he pointed out.

A thoughtful pause. "I guess I did, didn't I? Okay, you can keep being irritable, as long as you take care of yourself. Deal?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Whatever. If it'll get you to shut up for a second."

There was another micro silence. "And so I did."

"You really _are_ obnoxious, you know. It's amazing I'm still here." Hesitantly, and telling himself it was just because it was uncomfortable and awkward to walk with his arm pinned against Axel's side, he loosely curled his arm around Axel's tiny waist.

"Why _are_ you still here?" his companion asked curiously, even as he smiled at the reciprocation.

And wasn't that the question? The very difficult, complicated question that probably should have had a glaringly obvious answer. "I don't know," Roxas said honestly. "I've been trying to figure it out and I can't. I just am. I guess it's just where I want to be right now."

"I can live with that. For now, anyway. But you know, Roxie, you're going to have to figure it out eventually. 'I don't know' stops being a good answer after awhile. Believe me, I know." His tone was a little rueful, like it had been a lesson hard learned.

"I will. Just... not right now. Not yet."

Axel nodded. "And that's okay. Don't worry your pretty head about it before you have to." He tightened his arm around Roxas' shoulders, just a little bit, and Roxas realised that, to anyone passing by, they looked like a couple. A stupid couple maybe, going on a walk on a cold January night, but a couple nonetheless. It didn't bother him the way he thought it should have. The cold was probably getting to him or something, messing with the remaining shreds of his common sense.

"So is this how you treat all the boys you run into in train stations, or am I just special?" Roxas asked lightly, changing the subject.

"You're just special," Axel replied instantly. "Of course, I've never run into any other boys in train stations."

"Gee thanks, way to attack my self-esteem there, Axel." He found himself rolling his eyes again. He did that a lot around the redhead, something about his personality just calling for it.

"Aww, does Roxie feel threatened?" Axel teased.

"No," Roxas said flatly, leaving no room for argument or further discussion.

"Of course." Axel shot him another broad grin, flashing slightly crooked, white teeth.

Roxas looked up. "Oh," he said softly, "we're back at the station." He hadn't even noticed that they were walking in that direction.

"Yeah," Axel agreed with a hint of disappointment. "You should probably be heading home, I guess. School tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah..." It was Roxas' turn to sound disappointed. He sighed.

"Well," Axel said, voice brightening a bit, "it's not like it's the end of the world, right? We went out, we had fun, we talked, we don't hate each other's guts. I'd call that a success." He unwound his arm from Roxas' shoulders slowly and turned to face him directly.

There was a small pause as they stared at each other. Then Axel leaned down and kissed him. It was quick and soft, just a dry brush across Roxas' lips. It was over almost instantly and then Axel was straightening again with a crooked smile. "I'll call you, okay?"

"Yeah," Roxas murmured, slightly dazed. "Yeah, do."

"Good night, Roxas." He smiled again and hesitated, almost like he was going to try to kiss him again, then seemed to think better of it and turned to walk away, out of the station. Roxas valiantly pretended he wasn't disappointed.

"Good night," Roxas whispered, brain slowly starting to function again as the redhead disappeared around the corner.

_Well..._ _damn._

That had definitely been a date.


	5. V

Notes: Recently, I've been thinking about fic reading habits, like reviewing and whatnot, and I've got this idea that I feel I might as well share. Now, most fic-readers (including myself) don't always take the time to review what they read - even if it's amazing and we fave it, we often just don't bother telling the writer that, hey, you're pretty awesome. No, this is NOT the build-up to any 'if I don't get x-number of reviews, I won't update!!' bullshit, so don't worry. I just want to put the thought out there that maybe, if we all start reviewing more of the stuff we like, it will encourage more awesome fic by making happy writers. And, even if it doesn't contribute directly to fandom, we can all feel good about ourselves for making someone's day. Can't really go wrong there, don't you think?

Also, as I'm walking into a hard week (history mid-term and then three consecutive days of Japanese language exams), there may be another delay between chapters. Or, I'll get so burned out on studying that I'll pound out the next chapter in a fit of rebellion. Only time will tell. Thanks to those who are following my little story - I'm glad other people are enjoying it, too!

**V**

"Roxas? _Rooooxas... _Earth to Roxas, you in there?" Hayner waved his hand in front of Roxas' face, smiling triumphantly when his blue eyes focused as he snapped out of his daze. "All right, Roxas, you haven't gone comatose!"

Roxas groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, guys, I guess I zoned out."

"No kidding," Pence said, grinning. "You've been staring out the window without blinking for, like, ten minutes."

"...Really?" He squirmed a little bit, embarrassed and annoyed with himself.

"Yeah." Hayner laughed and Olette smacked his arm. "What? You gotta admit, Olette, Roxas is pretty funny to watch when he's totally out of it."

"Great," Roxas muttered. "Thanks, _best friend_."

"Anytime." Hayner laughed again when Roxas shallowly punched his shoulder.

Embarrassed as he was, Roxas had to admit that he _was_ acting really, really weird. But it wasn't his fault. It was _Axel's_ fault. Had Axel not gone and turned their friendly dinner into a date, Roxas wouldn't have been spending his day trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to do about it. He'd been mostly okay with the whole thing (mostly), telling himself that it wasn't actually a date at all (even though Axel had been treating him like it was), then Axel had upped the ante and not only put his arm around him, but _kissed_ him. And not a kiss like Axel wanted something out of him, just a... kiss goodnight. All sweet and sort of romantic – like a scene from a film or something.

He clued in to the fact that he was smiling kind of stupidly to himself when Olette leaned closer and asked if he was all right.

The smile widened as he brought himself back to the present. "You know what, Olette? I am. I really, really am." And then he was laughing, softly and happily, and he couldn't have said exactly why, but it felt really good and light and wonderful, so he just let it out while his friends stared at him, torn between amusement and confusion.

"Roxas?" Pence asked, gently questioning and careful, like Roxas had suddenly shown himself to be fragile or volatile.

"Yeah?" Roxas replied lightly, smiling brilliantly and catching them completely off-guard with how happy he was suddenly, happier than he'd been in a long time.

"Are you... is everything normal with you?"

_Well, I went out with a guy last night on what turned out to actually be a date, and it's weird and fucked up because he's the guy I've been dreaming about since forever and I think I know him even though there's no way, and then he kissed me and I should be freaking out about it and I'm not because all I can think about is how much I want to see him again. So, I think it's safe to say that everything is _not_ normal, but that's okay because... it just is._

"I guess I just realised what a great day I'm having." He shrugged and grinned again and knew it was completely true.

"Oh." Olette smiled sweetly, apparently choosing to take his sudden elation as a good thing, rather than a cause for concern and maybe a doctor visit. "I'm glad, Roxas. I think we all are. You've seemed so down lately, it's really good to see you happy again."

Hayner and Pence nodded in agreement and Roxas looked at them thoughtfully, gaze flicking from one to the next and back again. He was very grateful for them all of a sudden, in a way he hadn't been the day before. He'd been such a shitty friend, but they were still there, just happy for him when he spontaneously cheered up and stopped acting stupid and depressed.

"Thanks, Olette," he said sincerely. "Seriously, I mean it. I know I've been kind of a bad friend lately, but you guys have been really great. So... yeah, thanks."

"Well now we know something's up," Hayner said, smirking. "In Roxas-speak I think that was an apology for being a stupid ass for the past few months."

Roxas scowled at him. "Oh, shut up. I'm just seeing things a little bit more clearly today, okay? Like I said, it's a really good day. So just take it for what it is and be happy, or I'm never thanking you for anything ever again. _Ever._"

"Oh the sincerity," Pence said sarcastically. "It's so touching."

Roxas rolled his eyes and shoved at Pence casually and felt good about his life for the first time in ages, joking with his friends with the promise of something new on the horizon.

Who'd have thought it'd take the appearance of a crazy redhead to start putting everything in perspective?

-

Approximately four hours later, when Roxas was in the middle of his calculus homework, his cell rang. Distracted by complicated numbers, he picked it up without checking the caller ID.

"'lo?" he said vaguely, erasing what had to be a mistake. There was no way the equation was supposed to look like that.

"Roxas?"

Instantly, Roxas sat up and started paying attention. "Axel! Hi."

"Are you busy?" Axel actually sounded a little bit uncertain. "If this is a bad time, I can call back later."

"No, no!" Roxas said quickly, waving his free hand pointlessly. "I'm just doing my calculus homework, but it's cool - I'm almost done." Which was a lie, but Axel didn't have to know that. "What's up?" He was proud of himself for how casual he sounded.

"Nothing much," Axel's tone had relaxed. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Roxas smiled happily. "Oh. I'm glad."

"Missing me that much already?" The smirk was clearly written in his voice.

"Maybe," Roxas replied teasingly. "Or maybe calculus is just _really_ boring and I'm using you as a convenient excuse to escape."

"Uh huh, I see how it is. Using me to get away from the mundane horrors of school."

"You know it." Roxas grinned into the phone and lay down on his back, propping his head on his arm.

There was a pause, then Axel said, some of the hesitation back in his voice, "Um, listen, Rox, about last night..." He sounded on the verge of an apology or something, which Roxas did not like _at all_. Axel had started this, he wasn't allowed to take any of it back.

"I had fun," he interjected quickly, hoping he didn't sound too panicky at the idea that maybe Axel was about to backtrack, say it was all a mistake, and let's just be friends, okay?

"Really?" A bit of surprise there, before he seemed to regain his composure. "Well, of course you did, I am, after all, the epitome of a good time. But... everything's cool? I didn't scare you off?"

"No, I'm not scared off. If I was, I would have told you I was busy and gone back to my homework." Roxas' tone had the implication of a 'duh' wanting to be tacked onto the end. Since he wasn't twelve anymore, he contained himself.

"Point taken," Axel replied evenly, though Roxas was pretty sure his voice had brightened a bit. He sounded... lighter, like he'd been worrying that Roxas was going to duck and run, scared of this weird _thing_ between them. Which was maybe what Roxas _should_ have been doing, but the last of his common sense seemed to have died a quiet death, or at least gone into a heavy coma.

"So..." Roxas said slowly, realising that he didn't really know how a conversation with a new person who wasn't quite a friend, but wasn't quite anything else either, was supposed to go. "Did anything interesting happen in your life today?"

Axel chuckled lowly. "No. I had to work this afternoon, but nothing happened and it was really boring. I'm afraid my only excitement this week is cute and blonde with a really pretty smile and amazing eyes."

Roxas could feel his cheeks heating and he squirmed a little bit, even though he was grinning like an idiot or a girl. "Ah, I see. Well, I'm sure he's flattered that you think so."

"You think?" Another rich chuckle. "I'm glad. 'Cause you know - and you probably shouldn't tell anyone, it's kind of a secret - I think I really like him."

The blush was deepening and Roxas bit his lip to hold back the giggle that threatened. "Is that so? Well, he thinks he kind of maybe really likes you, too." And then he laughed because it was so ridiculous, not to mention kind of girly, but it was making him feel light-headed and happy, which had to count for something.

Axel laughed, too, then paused. "I'd like to see you again." He hastened to add, "If you aren't too busy with the homework."

"No," Roxas said, not even looking at his discarded calculus book. "No, I don't think I am."

-

Axel came to him this time. Well, kind of. They met in the park near Roxas' house to go for a walk, which felt like neutral territory or something equally safe. A voice somewhere in the back of Roxas' mind whispered that it was their second date, but he was trying _not_ to act like a girl, so he ignored it.

The tall redhead in his trench coat was waiting at the park entrance when Roxas got there, leaning against a lamppost while he smoked a cigarette. When he saw Roxas, his face lit up in a broad grin and he waved his free hand.

"Hey, Roxie." He drew a final drag off the cigarette and dropped it, crushing it out with his heel. "Still ignoring the weather, I see."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "The sweatshirt's fine, Axel, I'm not going to freeze to death. I promise."

"Well, if you get too cold, say something." Axel paused, then pulled off the black leather gloves he was wearing. "Here, at least wear my gloves. You're making me cold just looking at you." He held them out, his hands very pale in the yellowish light from the lamp above them. He had long, fine fingers and his nails were long for a guy's, which made them look even spindlier. Roxas wondered absently if he played any instruments. His hands looked perfect for it.

"Your hands are bigger than mine." He held his up for emphasis - thin, small and slightly ink-stained, with short nails. "Your gloves will look ridiculous."

"Nah, it'll be cute." Axel grinned and winked. "With the added bonus of you not getting frostbite."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "You're kind of melodramatic, did you know that?" But he took the gloves, which were indeed almost an inch too long, anyway.

"See? Cute." He grinned again. "And I'm sure you'll learn to love it."

"Uh huh." Roxas ignored the 'cute' comment, recognising the futility of telling Axel not to call him that. The redhead was stubborn in weird ways, one of which seemed to include pet names and endearments for Roxas. It occurred to him then, as it had to a lesser extent the previous night, that there was something distinctly _couple-y_ about the way they acted together. And it was so easy, like it was the sort of interaction that had happened a hundred times before. Like it was something out of one of his dreams.

And, just like that, his bubble of careless joy burst. What was he doing? This was _insane. _He didn't even know Axel's address, let alone enough about him personally to be comfortable meeting him alone in a dark park. There was something very wrong with the whole situation.

"Doesn't this seem weird to you?" he asked quietly, trying to keep calm.

"Hmm?" Axel blinked slowly, a prolonged flicker of green. "Doesn't what seem weird?"

"_This_!" Roxas waved his arm broadly, desperately. "You and me and-and _us_. I just met you yesterday, Axel, and already we're acting like... like we're a couple or something. Last night and now today and... I don't know what to think, or what to do. I shouldn't be so happy so fast – normal people don't do things this way. They meet and go on a few dates and then maybe talk about whether they actually have a thing or not, before they get to any of what we started doing right away." He crossed his arms tightly. "It shouldn't be this easy!"

Axel watched him for a moment, quiet and still and thoughtful, before asking an unexpected question, "Why are you afraid of letting yourself be happy?"

"..._What?_"

"Why are you afraid of letting yourself be happy?" Axel repeated patiently.

"I'm not. That's... that's not what this is about." Roxas frowned sharply, suddenly uncertain. It wasn't about not wanting to let himself be happy, it was about the utter weirdness of this _thing_ between them. Wasn't it?

"Isn't it?" Axel sighed and rubbed his nose. "Does it really matter that things aren't going like they do for 'normal' people, whoever the fuck they are? I mean, as long as we're happy and comfortable, will it really make a difference in the long run that we didn't follow some sort of script?"

It was a very reasonable question, a question that made a lot of sense. But Roxas couldn't shake the unsettled feeling. "I feel like I know you, Axel. That's not normal."

"Is that really what's bothering you so much?" Axel tucked his hands in his pockets. "'Cause it's not just you, Roxas. This whole thing - there's nothing one-sided about it." His eyes were bright with sincerity, honesty, and a little bit of something else Roxas couldn't name.

"What do you want from me?" he whispered, after a long moment of wide-eyed, panicked staring.

Axel hesitated. "Honest answer? Everything - the whole boyfriend, couple-y package. But I'll be happy with whatever you're willing to give me and I've got lots of time, Roxie." He smiled gently. "I can wait, if you're not ready. I promise, I'll never pressure you or try to take you farther than you want to go."

Roxas was back to staring silently. He didn't know what to say to that, or what to do. The joy blossoming again in his chest did nothing to reassure him. In fact, it made it worse. It just shouldn't have been so easy for Axel to make him so happy. And then there were the dreams. It just felt... too good to be true.

He shook his head helplessly and said the only thing he could, "I... I don't know what to do."

And Axel's gaze softened further, tenderly. "You know, Roxas, sometimes it really is okay to just not know."

Axel was so patient. Patient and understanding. It made it both easier and much more difficult for Roxas to do anything other than stand there staring helplessly.

"I need to think," he said finally, softly. "This is just too much too fast. Is that... will that be okay with you?" _Please don't say no, please don't, I don't know what I'll do if you do._

A soft, gentle smile touched Axel's lips. "Yeah, Roxie, it's okay with me. Like I said – lots of time here. Come on, I'll walk you home."

They barely spoke during the short walk back to Roxas' quiet little neighbourhood and Axel didn't once try to touch him on the way, something that Roxas found both a relief and a disappointment. At the door, Axel hesitated like he wanted to hug him, or kiss him again, and settled finally on a quick, affectionate peck to Roxas' forehead. Then he smiled one more time.

"Call me when you're ready, all right?" Roxas nodded slowly. "I'll see you around, Roxas."

It wasn't until he'd disappeared into the dark that Roxas realised he was still wearing the gloves.


	6. VI

Notes: So, there was, indeed, a delay. My week sucked. A lot. But then I went to my city's matsuri and got to pull a float with a neighbourhood, which was awesome, and ate festival food and drank a lot of beer while cheering on my adopted neighbourhood in the competitions, and then felt better about life, which made me want to write. Also, I noticed that people are reading this fic and that made me very happy. So yay! Much love to you guys!

Also, there's a bit of Axel backstory here. I have a lot of Axel backstory I want to write in this fic, so yay finally getting a move on that.

**VI**

"What do you want, Axel?" Neric actually sounded slightly irritated for once, which was a definite, and unwelcome, shift from the patient exasperation Axel usually got when he called.

"It's Roxas, Ner. I... I think I might've fucked things up and I haven't heard from him in three days and the longer he doesn't call the more worried I get and, Christ, I can't even fucking _sleep_ - it's that bad." He raked his hand back through his hair and clutched the phone like a lifeline. "Shit, Neric, what am I supposed to do?"

Neric paused, then said incredulously, "You called _me_ for this? Axel, you should know better. Why don't you call Demyx instead? He's actually good at this sort of thing."

"I don't want to call Demyx, Neric!" Axel groaned and flopped back on the couch, free hand hanging limply over the edge. "Demyx will be all bright and optimistic and shit and I need someone to be realistic. You're realistic."

"What do you want me to say? Yes, Axel, you fucked up and now he's never going to fall in love with you? For God's sake, babe, I don't even know what you _did_." This was a side of Neric most of the people who knew him never saw - a little less slick, a little more sincere. It was a side that Axel was familiar with from their mutual past. It was also infinitely better than irritation.

"I pushed too hard, moved too fast, and he got freaked out. He told me he needed time to think and then bolted." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "I haven't heard a word from him since."

Neric sighed, slipping fully into friend mode. "Well, I can't say you've been _smart_ about this, necessarily, but it's understandable. You've been waiting for him for _two years_, Axel, and now that he's finally close enough to touch, you're having a hard time hanging back and not trying to bring him to your level." There was a small hesitation, thoughtful. "It's hard to be in love with someone who isn't ready to love you back. Believe me, Axel, I really do get it."

"But... he was getting so close, Ner! Right away, he started reaching for me, it was amazing." Despite himself, Axel smiled a little bit. "It made me really happy. Everything felt right for once."

"But you need to keep in mind, Axel, that he's still an eighteen-year-old boy. He hasn't even graduated high school yet. This is probably scaring him a lot - he meets a guy randomly, who he just happens to feel a connection with, and then the guy starts making moves on him and he _doesn't_ feel like it's a bad thing? That's going to freak him out." Neric sighed again and Axel knew he was running a restless hand through his hair. "But he'll come around."

"Are you sure?" Which was maybe a stupid, childish question, but he had to ask.

"Not at all." Axel could all but hear Neric smirking. "I told you, Axel, I'm all wrong for this. Call Demyx next time - he's actually a nice person."

"You're a nice person." Axel rolled his eyes. "You helped me, way back when, didn't you?"

"I didn't do anything you couldn't have done on your own."

"Neric, I was a college drop-out waiting tables full-time to keep up with the rent on my shitty apartment and maybe not starve. What part of that screams success waiting to happen?" It sounded self-deprecating, but Axel thought of it more as honest.

"Why did you drop out of university?" The patient voice had come back into play.

"I was bored and unmotivated and it didn't feel worth it. Not that I felt motivated to do anything else, either, but college just wasn't working for me." He would have shrugged had he been sitting up. "I was really stupid about it, what can I say?"

"Mm. What were you planning on majoring in, before losing interest?"

"Physics. Neric, we've gone over this before, more than once." And it was a bit of a touchy subject.

"Bear with me," he replied smartly. "What was your GPA at the end of your freshman year, before you withdrew?"

"3.95. Please don't bother telling me about all the potential I wasted, dropping out like I did. I've heard it all before." It was definitely not a subject Axel felt like revisiting anytime... ever.

But Neric didn't go there. He apparently had a different point to make. "You were starting the physics program at a good university, with an almost flawless grade point average, and you're going to sit here and tell me you couldn't have worked your life out on your own?" The 'what are you, stupid?' was carried in his tone.

Axel scowled. "I could have, yeah, but I didn't care enough about it to do more than serve five nights a week. That's what you did - you gave me purpose and direction. I'd still be serving if I hadn't met you." He knew, with a cold certainty, that it was completely true. Before meeting Neric, he hadn't cared enough about anything to do more than float from one day to the next waiting for something to happen. Neric had brought him to his memories, which had brought him to Roxas, who had then become his Reason.

"Perhaps. Or perhaps you would have suddenly had an epiphany on your own. Regardless, I really can't help you anymore than I already have. The best advice I can give you, dear one, is to be patient and hope. I really do think he'll come around, but if he doesn't I take no responsibility."

"You're such a sweetheart, Neric." Axel laughed through his nose. "I wonder why Kai puts up with you."

"So do I." But there was a smile in his voice.

Axel sighed despondently. "Thanks, Ner. You're helping more than you think."

"My usefulness never ceases," he replied dryly. "But, seriously, call Demyx next time. There are only so many 'help me, Neric, I don't know what to do about my little blonde paramour' calls I can take gracefully."

"Yeah, whatever, you know you love it."

"Just call me the resident advice columnist." Then his tone softened again, "Go get some sleep, Axel. You're exhausted and treading dangerously close to hysteria. You'll feel better once you've slept, I promise."

Axel sighed again, but it was a little less despairing. A ray of sunshine Neric was not, but he was familiar, which was comforting in its own way. "Yeah. Thanks again."

"I'll talk to you later. Sleep well." And with that, the call ended. Neric never said good-bye, on the phone or in person. He had an unexplained fear that those two words were like granting tacit permission to the universe - like saying _it's okay if you take this person away now, I've said good-bye._

Axel's arm flopped across his face and he let the phone slip from his fingers. It really wouldn't hurt to try to sleep a little. And the volume was on, so he'd know if Roxas called. And, oh, wasn't that a pathetic thought? What was he, a teenage girl waiting on her crush? God help him.

The last thought he had before finally slipping into a fitful doze was: _this is getting out of hand, Roxie._

-

Roxas was having the worst week of his life.

Well, all right, so it had actually been one of the best weeks of his life for all of two days. Then he'd freaked the fuck out and run away from what really had been making him happy and it had all gone downhill from there. But it wasn't like he hadn't had good reason to run. Right? It had all just been too much too fast and Axel was just too (_amazing_) intense. Roxas wasn't supposed to feel like he was... he didn't even know what to call it. Falling for the guy? After less than forty-eight hours? That was only something that happened in crap films he didn't bother watching all the way through. Real Life didn't work that way.

Except, apparently it did because running away hadn't done anything except make him miserable and uncertain and wanting to call Axel and pick things up where they'd left off. Maybe with more of the touching. The touching had been pretty good.

_Ugh. Fail, Roxas, fail. You don't even know the guy and already you've got it bad. _

He was trying his best not to think about the dreams. He was confused enough without his psycho subconscious jumping into the mix.

"So, Roxas, you got any plans to see someone about the bipolar disorder you seem to be developing?" Hayner asked, his tone just light enough to turn it into a joke.

Roxas blinked twice, then rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, guys." He was saying that a lot recently. "I don't know what's wrong with me these days." _Yes you do, liar._ "Things are feeling really off for some reason and I'm having trouble figuring out what it is."

Olette and Pence exchanged glances Roxas was not distracted enough to miss. They'd always been more compassionate than Hayner, and maybe a bit more observant. Roxas pretended that he hadn't noticed, though. Sometimes it really was best to lie.

"Well," Olette began gently, "if you need to talk it out, you know we're all here for you. That's what friends are for."

"I know." He was back to feeling guilty over his not feeling guilty about being a bad friend. Great.

"Maybe tomorrow will help, though!" Pence said. His enthusiasm sounded pretty honest, too, which kind of almost cheered Roxas up. "Remember? We said we'd hang out together, like we always used to before you got weird and emo."

_Oh yeah._ "Of course I remember, Pence, don't be a jerk. What are we doing, anyway?" He smiled and mostly meant it.

"I'm open to pretty much anything." He looked at Hayner and Olette. "Guys? Any ideas?"

"Something nice and chill?" Olette suggested. "Like... walking around downtown?"

Hayner shrugged. "Sounds cool to me. What d'you think, Roxas?"

It sounded... normal. Normal was safe, easy, maybe a little boring, but nothing he couldn't handle. "Works for me. You guys wanna meet up at the downtown station at... noon?"

"Sure," Pence said, grinning. Olette and Hayner both nodded. "And you better be there on time, Rox. No flaking out on us."

"Since when have I flaked out on you?" Roxas demanded, a little bit offended.

"Well, it's mostly that you just stopped trying to come. Which is totally lame."

"Oh. Heh." That was a little bit awkward. "Sorry. But tomorrow will be good, right?"

"Yeah." Olette smiled sweetly. "I know it will. So we'll see you tomorrow and everyone can stop being all tense and awkward all the time and maybe we can go back to the way things used to be."

Roxas knew that the problems between them were mostly his fault, even though no one was saying it, and his friends didn't deserve that, so he smiled as brightly as he could. "Yeah. It'll be great. See you guys at noon!"

As he walked away, though, the only thing he could think was: _I need to call Axel._

-

His cell ringing, artificial samba shit he'd picked randomly because it annoyed him the least, woke Axel up.

He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and fumbled for the phone, managing to flick it open against his cheek. "'ello?"

"Axel?"

Axel's eyes shot open, the voice on the other end chasing the last of his sleepiness away. "Roxas?"

Roxas let out an awkward little laugh, almost a giggle. "Uh, yeah. It's me. Were you sleeping?"

"A bit. Just a nap, though, don't worry about it." He looked at the clock in the DVD player. It was a little before four. Presumably in the afternoon. "So... you given any thought to this thing we've got going on?" _Please tell me there's still a thing. I will fucking lose my mind if you're calling to break up with me before we even had a chance to be together._

"...Yeah." Roxas sounded almost adorably nervous. Or, at least, Axel would have thought so had he not been busy worrying that he was about to be told to leave Roxas alone forever. "I just... I know I kind of freaked out on you and it... I've really..." He cut himself off and sighed. "Do you want to try that walk again? We can cross the first attempt off and let this be the real second date." His tone was level, but Axel noticed that he'd sped up a little through the second part, like it was something he'd psyched himself up to say and was worried would go over badly.

He just grinned into the phone like the idiot he was. "Sounds good to me, Roxie. I'm touched our dinner went well enough to count as a date in the mind of Roxas... I don't know your last name." That was bad. He hoped to any listening deity that it wouldn't send Roxas running again.

Apparently, Roxas really had given everything some thought because he didn't miss a beat. "Strife."

Axel grinned again, relieved. "Awesome. Mine's Keene, for the record."

"Axel Keene. I'll commit it to memory," Roxas replied solemnly, recalling Axel's not-particularly-witty self-introduction.

"You'd better. It's a name that's gonna become very important to you, Roxie, just wait and see." He was half-teasing, but half-not, keeping his tone light enough to give Roxas room to take it either way.

"I think you're right," he agreed immediately.

That was good. A little unexpected, but good. "So, about that walk you mentioned. Is now okay or am I going to have to wait for an opening in your schedule?"

Roxas laughed. It was fuller and had lost the fragile, awkward edge. "Well, it must be your lucky day, Mr Keene, because tonight just happens to be completely free."

The shit-eating grin just kept growing. "Well, then, Mr Strife, I'll meet you back at the park in twenty. And we can give it another go. Sound good?"

The warmth in Roxas' voice was almost intoxicating. "Sounds good."


	7. VII

Notes: I think I've mentioned this, but Neric (who is finally being introduced properly), as well as Kai (who has had even less page time), are on loan from one of my novels. I'm currently a bit torn on what to do with them here because there are two ways I could have my plot play out (a real plot WHAT), and the more interesting one makes them a lot more significant. I don't want to put people off with the direct OC involvement, but it'll make for a better story overall (certainly more unique), so be prepared for it. I'd try to do a replacement with a canon character, but I think it would send said character straight into the realm of hopelessly OOC (which I avoid like the plague). Anyway, regardless of how it works out, the focus is obviously going to be on Axel and Roxas, so no worries there. I just have a story beyond the romance and I need to figure out how best to tell it.

...I really like parentheticals. XD

**VII**

Axel was again waiting at the park when Roxas got there. Much like the first time, he was wearing his trench coat and smoking a cigarette. Unlike the first time, it was still light out and, in the cool winter sunshine, the long spikes of his hair were startling in their vibrancy. Like fire or paint or blood - almost too much colour for Roxas' mundane world.

Maybe colour was what he really needed.

Or maybe just Axel. The dreams had got worse in the three days since they'd last seen each other and Roxas was starting to have a lot of trouble claiming there was anything remotely normal about them. Normal people didn't dream like that. There was just no way.

Axel grinned brilliantly when Roxas got up to him and his eyes were bright like his hair. "You came."

"Well, _yeah_," Roxas said, rolling his eyes. "I said I would, didn't I?"

"You did, yeah, but given what happened the other night I worried a little." Axel held up his hands, placating. "Not that I think you'd lie to me, 'cause I really don't, but you were pretty freaked out. But I can see why - don't worry about it." He smiled winningly.

"So we're cool?" Roxas bit his lower lip nervously and didn't miss the way Axel's gaze immediately shifted to his mouth.

He blinked, looking back up. "Of course we are! I wasn't mad, Roxie, I'm not a girl." He grinned again, teasingly.

"I didn't think you were." Roxas grinned back and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Nope. That's _definitely_ not a mistake I'm going to make."

"Good. Because I'd really hate for you to have any nasty surprises at... inopportune moments."

Was Axel suggesting what Roxas thought he was suggesting? Because that sounded suspiciously like... oh, it totally was_._ Roxas could feel a blush coming on, which made Axel laugh as he ground out his cigarette.

"You're too cute for words, you know that?" He shook his head, still laughing. "So, um, I hope you won't be too upset when I give into temptation and do..." He stepped close suddenly, right into Roxas' personal space, tilted his chin up with gentle fingertips and kissed him sweetly. "...that."

When the kiss broke, Roxas looked up at him as they stood very still, barely touching, barely breathing. Axel's fingers were warm against his face, even though it was cold outside and his leather gloves were in Roxas' pocket. Then he smiled. "Not upset."

Axel's smile was just as bright and blinding as ever, but this time there was a bit of relief mixed in. "I'm glad. I don't think it's something I could ever get tired of, so I'd be pretty broken up about it if you didn't like it, too."

The damn blush was back with a vengeance. "Do you _try_ to make me feel awkward and embarrassed, or is it a skill that just comes naturally?"

"Six of one, half-dozen of the other, really." Axel winked rakishly.

"You're impossible," Roxas replied, deadpan, even though his cheeks were still pink.

"It is one of my many wondrous qualities, yes. But you'll get used to it, just you wait." He'd begun, unconsciously or deliberately Roxas couldn't say, to lightly run his fingers along Roxas' jaw line. His almost too-green eyes were soft with what could have been badly hidden adoration. But that was... uncomfortable. Weird. Roxas did his best to suppress the part of himself that rejoiced in the idea that maybe Axel loved him, and wanted very much to love him back.

_It's too early for that. I don't even _know_ him._

"This is still weird," he said softly. "I mean... Jesus, Axel, I don't know anything about you! Your name's Axel Keene, you're twenty-one and you have a job you like. That's all I've got. I have your phone number, but I don't know where you live. This isn't... it's just not enough." _I'm scared._

Axel smiled gently, seeming to understand what Roxas wasn't saying. "No, I get it. It bothers you that things are moving so fast. Why don't... do you want to see my apartment? I don't mind or anything. In fact," he smiled teasingly, trying to lighten the mood, "if I have my way, you'll find yourself spending a lot of time there before too long."

Roxas looked at him for a few seconds, thoughtfully. Then he nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'm just gonna ignore that last thing you just said, but the first part? I'd like that."

The older boy laughed again, like he was going to keep up the teasing, but all he said was, "Well, then, we should probably get moving. We've got a train to catch."

When he offered Roxas his hand, as nonchalantly as possible, Roxas only hesitated for a second before taking it.

-

Axel's apartment was in a way nicer building than Roxas had expected. Given that Axel was only a few years older than he was, and apparently had opted out of college, part of him had anticipated him to live in one of those lower-middle class apartment complexes (inevitably overrun by the grimy children of overworked single mothers) that always looked in need of a new coat of paint. Instead, he lived on the third floor of a smallish building in a nice neighbourhood. There couldn't have been more than maybe eight apartments total and it actually looked pretty classy.

"It's nothing special," Axel said, as they walked up the stairs. "I mean, the elevator hasn't worked since... ever. But I've got plenty of space for my stuff, lots of light, and the building's pretty quiet, so I don't have to get pissed at drunken morons crashing into shit at four in the morning when I have to work. Which is a major upgrade from the last place I lived." They got up to apartment 302 and he unlocked the door, holding it open for Roxas to go ahead of him.

About two steps inside, Roxas just stopped and looked around, surprised. Axel's apartment was... amazingly clean. It did not look anything like the normal young bachelor's place and, for a fleeting second, Roxas wondered if Axel had a female roommate he'd conveniently forgotten to mention. But there was only one person's stuff in the living room, which was a pretty good indication that only one person lived there.

He kicked off his shoes, following Axel's lead, and took a few more steps into the living room. It was kind of impressive, actually. His gaze fell on the packed bookcase and DVD rack. There was something odd about them, almost like...

"Axel, are your books and DVDs organised by _colour_?"

"...Ah." Axel laughed kind of awkwardly. "Yeah, about that. I'm a little OCD about a few things. Nothing big - it's not like I freak the fuck out if stuff gets messy or whatever - I just... like organisation, I guess. I don't really think about it until someone comes over for the first time and has the what-the-fuck reaction you're having right now. My mom loved it - always let me do all the packing for both of us." He rolled his eyes.

Roxas blinked. "You do _not_ look like the organised type. Like, at all."

"Yeah, I know. The tattoos, pierced ear and crazy red hair are pretty misleading." He shrugged, flicking the single, long earring that curled all the way down the shell of his right ear for emphasis. "But sometimes the bad kids are smart, too."

"I don't know," Roxas said teasingly, "OCD and smart aren't _necessarily _the same thing..."

"Hey!" Axel said indignantly. "I will have you know, blondie, that I was fifth in my high school graduating class."

That caught Roxas a little off-guard. Axel was even more surprising than he'd expected. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Another shrug. "What can I say, I was good at school. It's just a system, you know? Once you get the pattern down, it's pretty easy. The smart kids hated me, though - I think I confused them a little bit or something, the punk kid who could have had a shot at valedictorian had he given a shit." There was obviously more to that story than Axel was telling. "Then I dropped out of college because I _still_ didn't give a shit, managed to find a decent job anyway, and here I am."

_He's lying. I don't know what part's wrong, but he's definitely lying about something._ Or maybe it was just that he was leaving a lot out. It was hard to say which it was, but Roxas could tell that something was off. He could hear it in Axel's tone and see it in his face. And it wasn't that Axel was necessarily a bad liar or something, or that the fragment of a story was unbelievable, somehow Roxas just knew.

"Huh. That's pretty cool - you don't just fit into a clique or stereotype." He nodded, letting the suspicion go. "I like that. I like it a lot, actually."

Axel grinned. "Good. I don't know if you could tell, I'm pretty secretive about this sort of thing, after all, but I like you, too. It'd break my fragile little heart if you hated me."

"I'm sure," Roxas replied flatly. "'Cause you're obviously such a delicate little thing."

Axel nodded solemnly. "It's true."

"So, um..." Roxas trailed off as he looked around again, suddenly very aware of the fact that he was standing in the living room of the guy he'd been dreaming about for six years. It made it very hard to think of anything clever to say.

"We could sit down, you know," Axel said patiently. "I have a couch and everything. Don't ask why it's lavender, please, that story hurts me in ways you will never understand."

_Lavender?_ He looked at the couch for the first time. _It _is_ lavender._ "...Oh. Okay, then."

"Yeah." Axel made a face and then gently shoved Roxas towards it. "Seriously, though, sit. It's not going to eat you. The colour's not _that _bad."

Roxas chuckled and sat down, trying to relax, which meant he wasn't relaxing at all. Axel sighed and looked up at the ceiling almost pleadingly, like he was trying to communicate with some higher being. Maybe pleading for help.

"All right, kid, this isn't gonna work," he said finally. "Give me your hand."

Slightly puzzled, Roxas held it out. "Dare I ask why?"

Axel rolled his eyes and started gently massaging Roxas' palm, focusing most of the pressure on the fleshy part of his hand at the base of his thumb. "I'm helping you relax. Just trust me - this actually works."

Roxas looked at him sceptically for a few seconds, until he noticed that the way Axel was rubbing his hand actually was pretty soothing. Axel grinned triumphantly as some of the tension drained away.

"See? What'd I tell you? There's a pressure point in this part of your hand, connected to nerves in the back of your neck. If you ever get bad headaches, rubbing your hand like this can help a little." The light massage didn't stop. "True fact."

"You know some pretty random shit, has anyone ever told you that?" He raised his eyebrows.

Axel laughed lightly. "Yeah, I know. I just pick things up, you know? It's funny, the stuff that sticks in your brain." He'd stopped rubbing, apparently satisfied, but he was still holding Roxas' hand. It was nice, so Roxas let him, going so far as to curl his fingers around Axel's.

"I have your gloves," he said matter-of-factly after a more comfortable silence.

Axel blinked. Then he blinked again. "Roxie, that was the most random thing you've ever said to me. What the hell, where did my gloves come into this?

Roxas shrugged and laughed. "I don't know, it was just the first thing I thought of."

"Wait, so me holding your hand all romantic-like makes you think of... gloves?" Axel arched an eyebrow. "That's an interesting revelation, blondie."

"It's not like that!" Roxas smacked his arm with his free hand. "Don't be a jerk."

"Hey now, no need to hit me for making an observation!" Axel was grinning again, like the Cheshire Cat. It should have been annoying, but instead it made Roxas feel kind of warm and silly and wanting to kiss him. So, for once, he stopped thinking too hard about everything and did.

As far as kisses went, it wasn't the greatest in the world. He'd gone in a bit fast, which made it a bit clumsy, and it wasn't like he had all that much experience to begin with, but then Axel recovered from his surprise and took over and then Roxas was opening his mouth and letting Axel take it farther and it got a whole lot better pretty fast. Their hands shifted, fingers lacing together more tightly, and Roxas' other hand came up to twist in the hem of Axel's black t-shirt.

When their lips parted, Axel exhaled slowly, blinking lazily and touching their noses together. Then he smiled. "Hi."

"Hi," Roxas whispered back.

"And you act like I'm surprising." He let go of Roxas' hand so he could slip his arm around his waist instead. Then he kissed the end of Roxas' nose.

"I have my moments." He shot him a small, genuine smile.

"Apparently so." He leaned in for another kiss.

Then Axel's phone, sitting innocently on the coffee table, rang.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Axel groaned and grabbed it with the hand not resting on Roxas' side. He looked at the caller ID. "God _damn_ it. Sorry, Roxie, I've got to take this." He didn't let go, though, as he flicked it open. "Neric. I'm a little busy right now. What." His voice was so flat it wasn't actually a question.

There was silence as he listened to the person on the other end of the call. He frowned sharply, annoyed, which made Roxas pretty sure whatever this Neric was saying wasn't good.

"Right now? Like, for real?" Correction: Axel was not just annoyed - he was well on the way to pissed. "Can't this wait?" A pause. "Yes, I know I've interrupted you three times this week with -" He scowled as he was apparently cut off. "This_ is_ important! I don't -" The scowl deepened. "Fine, whatever. You better make it quick, though." And he hung up.

"Well, it looks like we're going to get interrupted for a few minutes. Apparently this is really important." Axel looked unconvinced.

"Oh." That... really sucked. "Should I go?"

"No. Neric said it won't take long and, well, I wasn't finished." He flashed a crooked smile.

"Is that so?" Roxas raised an eyebrow coyly. "Well then, I guess I'll have to stick around, won't I?"

Some of the lingering tension in Axel's face fell away. "I'm glad we agree." He darted in to kiss Roxas' forehead lightly. "You're amazing."

"W-what?" Roxas actually stuttered a little bit, surprised by the non-sequitur. "Where did _that_ come from?"

Axel smiled again. "It's just true." Then he sighed and sat back, letting go. "I really am sorry about this, Rox. I wasn't expecting it. But I should probably know better by now - work never quite ends for me."

"This is for your _job_?" Both eyebrows raised, now. "It's Friday night."

"Well, I know that, and you know that, but Neric? Neric doesn't have much of a grip on days of the week and what they mean for normal people." Axel shook his head. "You kinda get used to it after awhile. It's just really fucking annoying sometimes - like right now."

So Axel's boss, or whatever the hell Neric's job was, was crazy. Good to know. It was starting to feel like nothing about them could just be normal or easy.

It was at that moment that someone knocked sharply on the door. They both looked up in surprise.

"That was fast," Roxas said blandly.

"Too fast," Axel agreed. But he got up and opened the door, anyway. "I hate it when you do shit like this, Neric," he said by way of greeting.

"I know you do. But you're going to have to get over it," said the man in the doorway. He had a pleasant enough voice, light with a hint of an accent Roxas couldn't quite place. He came inside and took off his hat in a way that reminded Roxas of guys in old movies. He blinked slowly, lazily. "Hello, Roxas."

Axel motioned to him vaguely, sighing slightly. "Roxas, this is Neric - my boss."

Roxas' first impression of Neric was mixed. He was very thin, very pale and very tall. His dark hair was just long enough to fall forward into his eyes, which were... strange. They were light eyes, very bright, and he didn't blink enough. But what was really odd about them was how... old they looked. The man couldn't have been older than thirty, but his eyes were all wrong. It was off-putting and made him seem secretive and odd. At the same time, though, something about him was very likeable.

Everything just kept getting weirder everyday. Was his life destined to never quite make sense again?

"Hi," he said after a pause. "Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure, I think, might be mine." Neric smiled, a brief flash of off-white teeth. "How are you?"

"I'm... good." It was kind of weird, the way he asked, like they already knew each other. But Neric didn't exactly scream normal, so maybe it was just the way he was. "Uh, you?"

"Overworked. Speaking of which!" He rounded on Axel. "You're working tonight."

"_What?_" Axel scowled. "Since when? It's Riku's shift."

"Since fifteen minutes ago when Riku called to tell me he absolutely has to be somewhere else. He'll take your Sunday shift, but someone has to be there tonight and it won't be me."

"What about Demyx? Or Zexion? Or, hell, I don't know, Larxene?" Axel looked very unhappy about this development. "In case you couldn't tell, Neric, I'm kind of busy myself here."

Neric sighed and raked a hand back through his hair. "Look, Axel, I'm sorry about this, I really am, but there's no one else who can do it. I wish I didn't have to ruin your date, but sometimes these things happen." Roxas felt heat creeping onto his cheeks when, for the first time, someone who wasn't him or Axel called their meetings dates.

"Great." Axel looked less than thrilled. "So rather than spend time with Roxas, I get to go sit and stare at a computer screen for six hours. Sounds like fun."

"If you're not happy with the job, Axel, you're welcome to leave it." Neric frowned reproachfully. "I won't hunt you down."

Axel sighed and threw up his hands in resignation. "I'm not going to quit my fucking job over this, Neric. Stop being an asshole. I just wish you wouldn't spring shit like this on me at the last minute."

"Comes with the territory. I guess you didn't read the fine print." But apparently Axel had said the right thing, because he smiled again. "I'll make it up to you. A vacation or something."

"How 'bout you just pay me double this week and we'll call it even?"

"Done." Neric sighed, shoulders slumping slightly, like he was suddenly very tired. "Thank you. Tonight is... well, it's somewhat important to me. There are things that have to be done. But I can't just let everything else fall apart while my attention is elsewhere, can I?" He turned his attention back to Roxas. "I _am_ sorry about this, Roxas. If I could have found someone else, I would have."

"'s okay," Roxas replied, shrugging one shoulder. "We'll get over it."

"Yes, I'm sure you will." Another fleeting smile crossed his face. "Axel, you need to be there in about forty-five minutes. I'll let you two have a bit of time to yourselves now, before then." He shook his head, tossing his hair back, and put the black hat back on. "I, on the other hand, have a party of sorts to attend. Good night to both of you." And then he was gone, slipping out the door and closing it after him.

Axel and Roxas both stared at the empty space where the man had just been. "So, that's Neric," Axel said finally. "He's a little weird, but he sort of grows on you. And he's actually pretty great to work for, most of the time."

_A _little _weird?_ "Seems like." Roxas paused awkwardly. "So, um. What now?"

"Now... I have a question." Axel turned to look at him head-on, leaning against the back of the squishy lavender couch. "How much would it freak you out if I took this growing thing of ours for what it's turning into, and called you my boyfriend?"

Boyfriend. That was a word Roxas hadn't dared to even think about applying to them. It had a sort of official sound, like whatever was going on between them was solid and lasting and real. His rational mind insisted that it was awfully soon to be using that word, but... _did_ it freak him out?

He thought about it.

It really didn't.

"I think..." he said thoughtfully, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "I think it's a level of freaked out I can handle. Boyfriend has kind of a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Axel smiled brilliantly, like the sun coming out. "Yeah, yeah it does."


	8. VIII

Notes: There was a delay on this one because I went on vacation and thought I'd write on the shinkansen, but was too tired both ways. You get a lengthy chapter, though, to make up for it!

That aside, thanks so much to everyone who's stopping to review! It makes my day every time, I swear.

Warning: There's sex in this chapter. It's deliberately not super hot. First times are a little awkward, guys, it's just a fact. But at least it's not like _my_ first time - we got walked in on by a _janitor_, it was pretty epic. So, yeah, consider yourself warned: boy!sex ahead.

**VIII**

"Roxas, I think we need to talk."

Roxas looked up from his history notes to blankly meet Hayner's gaze. Olette and Pence stood close behind him, looking worried and, in Olette's case, a little bit upset.

_Oh, this bodes well..._

"About what?" He kept his expression neutral and set down his pen calmly, even though his heart rate had sped up ever so slightly. And that was stupid because they were his _friends_. Maybe they really did need to talk, for more reasons than one.

His friends glanced at each other. "Well," Olette said gently, "it's just that you've been so strange lately. You were really happy, like everything was wonderful - and that was good! - but then you were depressed for three days, and now you're back to being happy. It's... a little weird. Is something going on with you?" She frowned and looked almost hurt and Roxas could hear the question she wasn't asking: _what do you not want to tell us?_

It was a very loaded question. There were just so many answers he could have given, some of which he really didn't want to. The whole 'oh, last week I officially started dating this guy' thing, not to mention the fact that the guy he was dating was both older _and _the guy he'd started having weird dreams about several years before they even saw one another, were somewhat abrupt to say the least. Hayner, Pence and Olette didn't even know he was gay.

And he realised all of a sudden that there were a few things, not just dreams and weirdness, that had never come up between them. They still acted, in a lot of ways, like they were the same people they'd been when they were kids. They'd sort of stopped trying to keep each other updated on changes, because they were comfortable the way they'd always been. Maybe there were more mundane reasons for the growing distance, then, not just Roxas' personal issues. Maybe their friendship had been cracking before he'd started slipping away.

"Actually... yeah, there is," he said slowly, after a pause. "It's something that I probably should have brought up sooner - there are things that your best friends are just supposed to know about, you know?" He recognised the 'you know?' as an Axel-ism as he said it and almost smiled to himself. "It's just... I guess I didn't want to mention it because it had never really mattered, and things were great the way they were. But now that I'm not a kid anymore, it seems so stupid not to tell you."

"Roxas, you can tell us anything," Pence said, smiling encouragingly. "We've known each other since we were really little. It's not like we're going to ditch you or something. Now _that_ would be pretty stupid."

"Yeah, I know." And he did. "I told you - I'm tired of hiding it, or pretending it doesn't exist."

"What?" Hayner said lightly, trying to joke. "Are you gay or something?"

Roxas blinked at him calmly. Now that it came to it, he wasn't really nervous anymore. The words had already been spoken - to say anything else would have been an outright lie and that just wasn't an option. "Yes, I am."

There was a sudden silence.

"Wait, for real?" Hayner said after a few seconds, blinking rapidly, almost confused.

"Yeah, for real." Roxas nodded. "I'm sorry for blind-siding you like this, but, well, it's not really something you can ease someone into, is it?"

"You're... gay," Hayner repeated slowly, like he was still processing the statement.

"Yes," Roxas said patiently. "As in, I like guys and wasn't lying all those times I said I didn't want a girlfriend."

Hayner nodded slowly, drawing a deep breath. "Okay... okay, that's cool, I can deal with that. Just... me and Pence?"

Roxas made a face and waved his hands quickly. "No, no, God no. I can honestly say that I have _never_ thought of either of you that way. Even if we hadn't been friends since elementary school, you're not my type."

"And I am very glad to hear that, Roxas, believe me." But he smiled, breaking the awkwardness.

Olette put her hands on her hips. "Are you trying to say my boyfriend's unattractive, Roxas?"

"Okay, this looks like it could turn into the stupidest disagreement _ever_." He rolled his eyes. "No, I'm not saying that. I _am_ saying that I'm not interested, so no one has to freak the fuck out."

She looked satisfied. "Well, then, what _is_ your type? Since I can't play matchmaker with the girls I know, I might as well figure out what kind of guys to look out for." She grinned teasingly. "Gotta make sure they've got the Olette stamp of approval, right?"

_Too late..._ "Olette, you really don't need to do that. I'm kind of picky, honestly."

"From a straight guy perspective," Pence said, finally contributing, "I have to say that's nice to hear."

"Ugh." Roxas rolled his eyes again. "I'm not kidding, guys, I haven't been checking either of you out."

Olette shook her head. "Nope, you're not getting off that easily. I want to know what kind of guy you _have_ been checking out."

He could honestly have said that, recently, there'd only been one. But he wasn't quite ready to go there yet. "Look, Olette, I appreciate the thought, it's just-" His phone rang. Saved.

A look at the caller ID, though, showed that it was the one person he should _not_ talk to while trying to avoid overwhelming his friends with new personal info. But it wasn't like he could suddenly just ignore the call with them watching him expectantly.

"Just a sec, guys," he said, holding up a finger as he flipped the phone open. "What's up?"

"What are you wearing?"

Roxas choked. "Did you really just-?"

Axel laughed. "What? Maybe I just really want to know. I am a fashionable guy, after all."

He swallowed, glad he hadn't blushed. That would have been awkward to explain away. "Sure. What is it?"

Axel paused. "You okay, Roxie? You sound a little frazzled. Is this a bad time?"

"I'm with my friends right now." He glanced at them. "Could I call you later?"

"Actually, I just wanted to know if you could come over tonight. There's something I want to tell you. Nothing bad, I swear, just not great for over the phone."

He thought about it for all of about three seconds. "Yeah, I can do that. What time?"

"Is seven cool?"

Roxas glanced at his watch. It was half-past five. "Yeah, that's cool."

"All right." He could hear Axel's smile and it made him smile ever so slightly. "I'll see you later, then, Roxie."

Roxas nodded, even though only his friends could see it. "Yep. Bye."

Pence tilted his head slightly to one side curiously as Roxas closed his phone. "Who was that?"

He sighed. Of course they would ask. It wouldn't have made sense for them to just except that he'd taken a mystery phone call without question. "This is gonna sound really bad, guys, but it's kind of personal."

"Oh," Olette said softly, a bit of the downcast look returning. "Well, if you need to talk about it..."

"Don't keep secrets you don't have to, man." Hayner punched his arm lightly. "We're still best friends, right?"

"Right." Roxas smiled. "I just... later, okay?"

"We'll hold you to it," Hayner promised. "No bailing on this stuff, Rox."

"Noted." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, listen, I'm gonna run home and get something to eat. I have to follow up on this later and I don't want to have to rush."

Pence nodded. "Makes sense. See you tomorrow, then?"

"Of course." Roxas grinned. "Bright and early to experience the joys of math."

"Sounds like fun," Hayner said dully.

"Good luck, Roxas," Olette said sweetly, "with whatever you have to do."

"Thanks." He grinned again, packing up his stuff before hoisting his backpack. "Later!"

Even though he hadn't told them everything, he couldn't help but smile as he walked to the train station. Just telling them that one not-quite-secret had made him feel lighter. Everything had been chill, no fights or angst, and the awkwardness hadn't lasted long.

Things just kept looking up.

-

The apartment had been very quiet since Axel had got off the phone with Roxas, despite the fact that he was not alone. For Axel, the silence was due to nerves and apprehension, for Neric, chain-smoking Marlboros with the filters torn off from his perch on the sill of the open window, it was hard to say.

"You're thinking too much about this," Neric said finally, flicking ash over his shoulder to float down onto the tree below. "Stop second-guessing yourself - either he'll accept it or he won't. You can't force him."

Axel scowled and ground out his own cigarette. "You could."

"I won't."

"I know." He crossed his arms loosely and bit his lower lip pensively. "I'm just worried. I don't want him to panic and run again. Do you think I'm doing this too soon?" _I can't lose him._ He didn't say it.

Neric shrugged. "I couldn't say. Maybe, maybe not. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration, not the least of which is his age."

"I was eighteen, too," Axel pointed out.

"Different circumstances." He waved a hand dismissively. "Apples and oranges, my dear."

"Well, he knows me better than I knew you. That has to count for something, right?"

"Perhaps." Neric finished his cigarette and, for the first time in over an hour, didn't light a new one. "It could also make it worse, if he assumes you're lying to him. With you and I, the worst-case scenario was that you would assume I was a con artist - which, in point of fact, I am. With you and Roxas, on the other hand, the worst-case scenario is that he assumes you've been playing him and your developing relationship is all part of some elaborate play. The stakes are higher now."

"I figured out you were a con thirty minutes after meeting you," Axel replied dryly. "So that conclusion was already taken care of."

"You're very bright - most people don't catch on so quickly, if at all." Neric blinked slowly, thoughtful. "As for Roxas... I think it is safe to assume that he will trust you, _if_ you handle the situation correctly. Be honest with him, very up front, and that is not advice I give very often, so take it to heart. He knows you very well, even if he doesn't recognise that yet - if you're sincere he'll know."

"Well, I'm definitely not gonna lie to him, Neric. I love him." He rubbed his eyes. "God, I didn't think I'd be this scared."

"There's a lot on the line." Neric nodded and laced his long fingers together. "And you're only human, Axel, in spite of everything. Or, who knows? Perhaps because of it." He smiled and hopped off the windowsill. "He'll be here soon, so I'll leave you to it. Call me later, yes? Knowing my luck as of late, I'll be fixing the fucking computers again, so I'm sure I'll be awake."

"I keep telling you, Neric, you need to make Zexion do some of that stuff."

"I don't think Zexion would appreciate that very much, Axel." The smile widened. "Nor would Demyx and, personally, that's what I'd be more afraid of. He can be very annoying when he wants to be."

"True that." Axel grinned, marginally more relaxed. "Thanks, Ner. I won't forget to call."

"Good." Neric leaned close and kissed his temple, murmuring something in a melodic language Axel didn't know. It made him feel a bit warmer, suddenly, whatever it was. "I've done what I can do for you. Good luck."

Then he left, grabbing his black hat off the table next to the door as he slipped into his coat, and then Axel found himself staring at an empty apartment with seventeen minutes until Roxas was due to arrive.

_Great._

-

Roxas' first thought, upon reaching Axel's apartment, was that Axel looked tired. Not quite like he hadn't slept, necessarily, more like he was... mentally exhausted.

"Are you okay?" he asked, taking off his jacket and tossing it over the back of a chair.

"No, I have a horribly contagious virus and am sharing it with you as we speak," he replied, deadpan. "Of course I'm okay, Roxie, I wouldn't have invited you in if I wasn't." He slipped his hand around the back of Roxas' neck and dipped his head to kiss him. The casual intimacy of it made Roxas smile happily and wonder, not for the first time, if this was 'falling in love.'

"That wasn't quite what I was getting at, you know." He poked Axel's narrow chest. "You look really tired."

"I guess I am, a bit," Axel acknowledged. "But, like I said, there's something I want to talk to you about."

_Well, that sounds ominous._ "Should I be worried about this?"

"No, no!" Axel said quickly. "It's just a little bit complicated, is all. I thought about waiting longer, but I... I don't think I'd feel right about this if I left you in the dark."

"...Oh." Roxas didn't really know what to make of that response. It sounded like maybe things were headed in a not-so-great direction, but, well, Axel wanted to be completely honest with him, so that had to be good, didn't it?

Axel seemed to be able to see Roxas' apprehension in his face because he frowned slightly. "Why don't we sit down? That seems like a good way to start a serious sort of discussion, right?" He smiled, obviously trying to put Roxas at ease. It didn't really work, but Roxas appreciated him trying.

When they settled down on the squishy lavender sofa, Axel hesitated for a second before wrapping his arm around Roxas' shoulders and pulling him closer. "It really isn't _bad_, Roxas. I'm not breaking up with you, or telling you I'm actually married or some stupid shit like that. It's just important."

Roxas lay his head against Axel's shoulder. "Then I guess you should get started, 'cause just sitting here isn't going to make me feel any less weird about this."

His boyfriend sighed. "I know, sorry." He sighed again. "Okay, this might sound a little random, but... do you have weird dreams?"

_Wait, what?_ "What kind of dreams?" he asked slowly, hesitantly.

"Dreams about me. About us," Axel replied immediately.

And Roxas froze. He'd never told Axel anything about his dreams; there was _no way_ he could have known. After a long moment, he whispered, "How do you know about that?"

"Because I had them, too." Cautiously, he sifted his fingers through Roxas' hair. "For a long time - they started when I was pretty young and got more and more frequent and vivid as I got older. Dreams about places I'd never been, people I'd never seen, things I'd never done, words I'd never heard. Most of them were about you. It was driving me crazy, because I could never quite remember them, but I always did double-takes when I saw guys with blonde hair, looking for you even though I didn't know who you were."

"You _had_ them?" That meant he didn't have them anymore, then. It was an easier point to focus on. "Why'd they stop?"

Axel paused. "I remembered."

"You remembered _what_?" What Axel was saying didn't make sense. There was nothing _to_ remember.

"That life." His arm tightened around Roxas compulsively and he buried his face in Roxas' hair. When he spoke again, his voice was slightly muffled. "I remembered everything, about me and you and us. It wasn't just locked away in the back of my mind anymore, it was all where I could see it and process it and finally deal with it. So I stopped having the dreams."

It was insane. Absolutely insane. "Axel, that... what, are you saying we had some kind of seriously fucked up past life together?"

"Actually, yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it."

"But, Axel," Roxas said weakly, grabbing onto the hem of his shirt to stop his hands from shaking, "that's... it's impossible."

"Don't say that," Axel said quickly, running his hand down Roxas' back soothingly. "Don't ever say that. Nothing's impossible, honey, I swear it."

For a moment, Roxas entertained the thought that his new (and first) boyfriend was a lunatic, but... the dreams. He couldn't deny the existence of the dreams.

He pulled away, which sent a panicked look briefly across Axel's face, but he didn't go far. He just looked at him, into his eyes, searching for... something, he wasn't sure quite what.

What he saw was verity. Axel wasn't lying to him, or trying to trick him. Roxas would have been able to see it if he was. He was completely certain of that.

"How did you remember?" he asked quietly.

Axel relaxed, shoulders sagging as most of the tension fell away. More certainly than before, he pulled Roxas back against his chest, wrapping both arms tightly around him this time, kissing the top of his head.

"Neric. He... I told you I dropped out of college, right? Well, I was working full-time as a server in a steakhouse and one day this kinda weird guy comes in, by himself, gets a table in my section. He sort of tried to strike up conversation with me all through his meal, which is unusual, and, after I got off my shift, he was waiting outside. At first I thought he was a creepy stalker or something, and was about thirty seconds away from calling the cops, when he just started talking, explaining himself. Explaining the dreams. He _knew_, Roxas, he knew about all of it. It creeped me the fuck out that he knew about me personally, but the point was: he was able to explain away my fucked up subconscious."

He laughed quietly and pressed another kiss into Roxas' hair. "Anyway, I thought it was all crazy at first - like you do right now - but he took me to a diner for a cup of coffee, which he didn't pay for, but that's a whole 'nother story, and laid out this whole plan he had. He said that there are quite a few of us, people who have these latent memories, and that he wanted to wake the memories up. He said that the not-knowing would eventually drive us crazy, it would become an obsession that would almost certainly destroy us. Given that I'd started searching out blonde guys in crowds for no real reason, I had to say he was probably right about that. He told me that he had some very strong theories on how to do it, with a computer program he was designing - nothing dangerous, just the right combination of stimuli to break down the barrier between current memories and past ones. It's kind of a natural programming, you know? If we just remembered all of it consciously from birth, it would probably drive us insane, but if we're prepared, we can handle it. And then we could stop being obsessed with something that would always be out of reach and actually maybe do something productive with ourselves. It was the birth of the Project."

"And it worked?" Roxas asked incredulously. "Just like that?"

"Well, not quite," he admitted. "I was first, so we had to finish developing everything. It took some trial and error - and let me tell you, that sucked like nothing else - but about six months after meeting him, everything fell into place. And once we knew we were golden, the Project was on. Demyx was second - you'll meet him soon, I'm sure, he's one of my best friends and a lot of fun, even if he can be annoying as hell when he wants to be. After Demyx came Riku. After Riku, Larxene. Everyone's looking for someone, so there's a lot of incentive to search, finding a whole bunch of other people along the way. Demyx found Zexion about four months ago, and they've been disgustingly happy ever since." Roxas could feel Axel's smile against his scalp. "I hope we can give them a run for their money on that, by the way - it's about time they had some competition in the 'sickeningly cute couple' category. We could totally take them."

Roxas chuckled weakly, but he wasn't quite finished yet, wasn't quite ready to believe. "Wait, so you were looking for me?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, in case you couldn't tell, I'm kinda crazy about you."

Valiantly, he fought back a blush. It was a losing battle. "But... how long have you been waiting?"

"Well, if you want to get technical, my entire life. But more specifically? About two years." His tone suggested that he would have shrugged had he been willing to let go of Roxas to do it.

"You waited two years for me," Roxas repeated blankly. "You actually thought I was worth waiting _two years_? What if things had gone wrong? What if I hadn't been interested? What if you'd never found me at all?"

"I would have waited forever, if it had come to it. And, well, if you'd never given me a second glance, I wouldn't have been happy, of course, but at least I'd know you existed. I guess... in the end, the possibility of having you with me outweighed everything else. It's not something I could ever regret, Roxas."

"But that's... you could have been happy with someone else, Axel. You didn't need to wait for someone you couldn't even be completely sure was out there. That's nuts." He had to protest - the idea of someone being content waiting _years_ for him, like he was special or exceptional or something, was insane.

Axel shook his head. "No. With even the remotest possibility that I could meet you and _we_ could be happy still out there, anything else would have just been settling and that's not fair to anyone."

"But I'm not that special."

"You are to me." Axel's grip on him loosened enough for them to look at each other properly. It was a quiet, still moment, like something out of a film, when just looking communicated everything they were having trouble putting into words.

"Thank you," Roxas whispered finally. "You're crazy and obsessive, but I'm glad. I'm glad you waited for me."

His boyfriend smiled and reached up to brush a bit of hair back off Roxas' face. "I'd wait a dozen lifetimes for you, Roxie. And I think you know it."

He did. He really, genuinely did. And he knew that he'd been waiting for Axel, too, even though he hadn't realised it at the time. He didn't really know what to say, though, so he just leaned up and kissed him.

Axel made a happy noise in the back of his throat and deftly took control of the kiss, changing the angle slightly and slipping his tongue past Roxas' teeth. Roxas slid his hands up Axel's chest and slipped his arms around his neck, tangling the fingers of his right hand in Axel's hair and leaning up into the kiss, so close he was practically sitting in Axel's lap. Axel who, apparently, had made the same observation, because he shifted and finally did just pull Roxas into his lap as he ran his lips along his jaw and down the side of his neck, biting down.

Roxas drew in his breath sharply and let his head fall back as Axel traced the curve of his collarbone with the tip of his tongue before lifting his head to kiss him again. He whimpered a little when Axel's warm hands slipped beneath his shirt to caress his back and sides and hips and, when Axel stood abruptly, he just wrapped his legs tightly around his waist, expecting it.

"Have you, ah, ever done this before?" Axel asked as they stumbled into his bedroom and onto the bed.

Blushing fiercely, Roxas glanced to the side and shook his head. Axel cursed under his breath and started to pull away, but Roxas' hand shot out and wrapped around the back of his neck. "No! I want to, it's okay. I want to." He looked up at Axel intently. "I trust you."

Axel looked at him, visibly torn between desire and concern. Then he nodded. "The _second_ you stop having fun, you tell me and we stop, okay? This isn't a deal-breaker, Roxie, I won't get mad. Got it?"

Roxas smiled and tugged Axel down into another kiss. "Got it," he said as Axel broke the kiss to shrug out of his own shirt before reaching for Roxas'. "I can do that myself, you know."

"I want to do it for you." Axel grinned at him and dipped his head to nip his earlobe. "Let me do this right, Roxas, I don't want you to look back on your first time and think it sucked."

"I won't." _It's with you._ "You're... really sexy."

Axel laughed and kissed him again, lips sliding wetly down to suck on his neck. His long fingers skillfully got Roxas' jeans and boxers off and onto the floor without breaking the contact. He had to pull back a bit, though, to get to his own, and he used that as an excuse to look at Roxas full-on, eyes bright, if slightly clouded by desire.

Roxas blushed again and fought off the urge to squirm. He'd been completely comfortable a moment before, he'd even felt a little sexy, but with Axel's eyes on him like that, he couldn't help but worry that he was going to be compared to anyone who'd come before him. And probably be found lacking.

"Hey now, what's with that face?" Axel shoved the last of his own clothes off the bed and crawled over Roxas, eyes narrowed with concern.

"Nothing, it's just... you _have_ done this before, haven't you?" He bit his lip.

"Yeah, I have." Axel tenderly brushed stray hairs back off Roxas' forehead. "Don't worry about it, Roxie. You're way hotter than any of those losers, I swear." He grinned broadly. "No one can hold a candle to you, darlin'."

"Did you just call me _darlin'_? Oh my God, Axel." But he relaxed, which maybe had been the whole point. He looked up, meeting Axel's gaze. "Stop worrying - I'm okay. So, you wanna maybe _do_ something, rather than just stare at me?"

"Oh, but I was so enjoying the view." He smirked and reached down between them to stroke Roxas teasingly. "You sure you're okay?"

"_Yes_, Axel, I'm sure I'm okay." Some of the bite was lost when he moaned breathily. "That's... please, Axel."

"Good enough for me." He pressed their mouths together again as he fumbled for something in the bedside table, pulling a mostly-full tube out of the drawer. "You're so beautiful. Don't you dare argue that, either." He kissed Roxas' inner thigh as he gently pushed his legs apart to work a slick finger into him.

Roxas just made a noise, somewhere between a whimper and a groan, and forced himself to relax, unsure yet if he liked the feeling or not. It wasn't bad, just... different. Strange.

"This is gonna hurt a little, Rox," Axel said. "But it won't for very long, I promise. Just try to stay relaxed." Carefully, he slid a second finger in, turning his wrist gently.

"I - ah! - I trust you." His head fell back against the pillows as his boyfriend added a third finger.

Axel nodded and lifted himself up to kiss Roxas tenderly, lovingly, before guiding Roxas' legs up over his shoulders and pushing into him. He shuddered slightly, but Roxas had tensed up from the sudden pain, so he didn't do anything else.

He hadn't been lying when he'd said it would hurt, Roxas realised, as he squeezed his eyes shut and willed his body to relax again. When the pain had mostly faded, just a faint, dull ache lingering, he nodded. "Okay, it's okay."

It hurt again, a little more, when Axel started moving, pulling out and gently thrusting back in, but as they found a good rhythm and started moving together, Roxas lifting his hips to meet the thrusts, it got better fast. A lot better. He moaned loudly and dug his blunt fingernails into Axel's shoulder as the angle changed slightly and stars flashed across his vision.

Axel groaned quietly and bit his ear as he hit the same spot again, drawing another moan out of Roxas. A few more thrusts and Roxas was clinging to Axel as hard as he could as his world went white and he came.

When he came back to himself, a few moments later, Axel had already grabbed one of their discarded t-shirts to wipe up the mess. Then he tossed it aside and gently manhandled Roxas into bed properly, pulling the thick down comforter up around them and wrapping Roxas tightly in his arms, dropping an adoring kiss on the top of his head.

"Are you okay?" he asked, still slightly breathless. "I didn't hurt you or anything, did I?"

Roxas shook his head drowsily and kissed Axel's collarbone. "No, it was good. Definitely better than okay."

"I'm glad," Axel murmured, tucking Roxas' head under his chin comfortably. "'Cause I wouldn't mind doing that again, and again, and maybe a little bit again after that."

Roxas laughed sleepily. "I think I'm on board with that."

"Good. Get some sleep, Roxie. I'll make sure you get up in time."

"Mmkay," he mumbled, already losing his half-hearted battle with tiredness. "Good night, Axel."

Axel chuckled softly. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?"


	9. IX

Notes: Okay, so there will probably only be one more update after this before Christmas. I'm moving back to the States for a while soon, putting me in Seattle six days before Christmas, which will be insane, and I can't imagine much writing will get done in the midst of that. But then I'll be back!

Um, also, this chapter is basically a transition between the introduction and the plot itself, so it's a bit more fragmented than usual. I know what you're all thinking – a plot WHAT – but we're totally getting there.

**IX**

Roxas woke up to soft, chaste kisses being sweetly pressed to his mouth and nose and eyelids and hairline and any other bare expanse of skin easily reached. He wrinkled his nose and inhaled deeply, clawing his way to consciousness.

Axel smiled at him as he blinked awake, brushing his hair back off his face with warm, gentle fingers. "Morning, beautiful."

Roxas smiled back sleepily and snuggled closer, into Axel's warmth. "Five more minutes."

Axel laughed and hugged him tightly, burying his face in his hair. "As much as I'd like to stay here and cuddle with you all day, it's almost seven and you have school. I said I'd wake you up, remember?"

That woke Roxas up pretty fast. Sleepy and warm and comfortable as he'd been, it hadn't really hit home that he was in bed, _naked,_ with Axel. The events of the previous night came rushing back in - everything Axel had told him, and what had followed... he'd had sex with Axel. He'd only been dating Axel for a week. He thought suddenly of Olette and Hayner, the way Olette insisted on waiting until things were sure and lasting between them, however long that might be and however much Hayner was getting impatient, and his stomach knotted up.

Axel felt him tense. "Roxas? Are you all right?"

He swallowed compulsively and fought to keep his voice steady. "I... last night really happened, didn't it?"

There was a heavy pause, then Axel sat up, bringing Roxas with him. He looked at him then, thoughtfully, before answering. "Do you regret it?"

Roxas hesitated in the face of Axel's calm, forcing himself to actually _think_ about it before letting the knot turn into panic. "...No, but-!"

"But what?" Axel cut in patiently. "If you don't regret it, what is there to be upset about?"

"Axel, I've known you for _two_ _weeks_!" He shoved a hand back through his hair, wincing as his nails caught in a few tangles and pulled. "Before that, yeah, I had the weird dreams, but I couldn't really remember them, so it doesn't really count. _You_ might remember everything, whatever 'everything' is, but I don't and I fell into bed with you after less than a month!" The words came out in a rush, some of the panic sneaking in despite his efforts.

Axel nodded slowly, as though he suddenly understood. "So you're not worried about what happened, you're worried about what that might say about your character. I get it. For what it's worth - and it should be worth a lot, Rox - I don't think you're easy, or whatever the hell else you're thinking. And it's not like I was planning to go tell the whole fucking world we're sleeping together, so no one else is going to think that, either. This is between us - our happiness here is the important part."

He stared back almost blankly. Years of sex ed teachers pounding abstinence-only and the horrible things that would come of having sex before marriage, or at least a well-established relationship, into his head stood in stark contrast with Axel's more relaxed perspective.

Axel reached out and grabbed his hands, lacing their fingers together reassuringly. "Look, Roxas, it's okay. _Really_. It happened - and it was great, by the way - and we were having a pretty damn good morning, too, until this little morning-after freak-out started, and I have no plans to leave you anytime soon, so this really shouldn't be so terrifying." He smiled gently. "I'm not going anywhere, Rox, you have nothing to worry about."

"I know." Roxas tightened his grip on Axel's hands. "I know. It's just... this isn't easy, Axel. It happened really fast."

"Are you happy, though?" Startlingly green eyes caught his gaze and held it. "Before we hit this little snag, were you happy? With me?"

"Yes," Roxas replied instantly, because it was true.

"Then we're okay." Axel lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed Roxas' knuckles one by one. "I'm serious, Roxas, you can't base our relationship on someone else's standards. Even if our circumstances were completely normal, nothing unusual whatsoever, that's just not a healthy attitude. Focus on how you feel about us, without thinking about your best friends' relationships, or what your sex ed class taught you when you were thirteen."

Roxas smiled slightly at that, Axel echoing his thoughts. "How'd you know that's what I was comparing us to?"

Axel shrugged one shoulder carelessly. "Just did." He studied him carefully. "Are we gonna be okay?"

Roxas stared back, relaxing and reaching a decision, then released Axel's hands to wrap his arms around his neck, resting his cheek against his shoulder, soaking up the shared body heat like a sponge. "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

Axel held him just as tightly, breathing a sigh into his hair. "Good. 'Cause I'd definitely cry if you walked out on me and that just wouldn't be very nice. And then none of the other kids would want to play with you."

Roxas snorted. "And I can't have that."

"Definitely not." He pulled back to smile at him, before dropping a kiss on his forehead. "You need to get ready for school." He tossed him a lazy smirk. "C'mon, I'll show you how to work the shower. Wouldn't want any mishaps, after all."

Roxas laughed. "Definitely not," he repeated, grinning for the first time that morning and following Axel into the bathroom.

-

Amazingly, and in spite of his unusual morning, Roxas was actually on time to calculus. Barely, but on time. Barely as in, he dropped into his usual seat next to Hayner, wincing slightly at the jolt to his spine and suppressing a blush when he realised why he was sore, right as the final bell rang.

His teacher gave him a half-amused, half-exasperated look. "Good to see you here _before_ I've started my lesson for once, Mr Strife."

"Heh." Roxas smiled wryly. "Yeah."

"I take it you've sorted out your train issues?"

"More or less, yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck, like he always did when he felt a little bit awkward or put on the spot. "Definitely working on that."

He nodded approvingly and launched into that day's thrilling lesson without further comment on Roxas' less-than-shining attendance record.

Hayner looked over at him and something in his gaze said that he could see that there had been a change in Roxas, even if he didn't know what it was. "Everything okay with you?" he whispered.

Roxas smiled back and nodded. "Yeah, everything is."

-

His mom was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper at the dining room table when Roxas got home from school.

"Oh, mom," he said, swallowing his nervousness at her sudden presence in the house. "When'd you get home?"

She smiled at him wearily and tucked her hair behind her ear. "About an hour ago. Having the coffee to wake up a little - I'm dead on my feet."

Roxas relaxed. She hadn't been home early enough to notice that he'd been gone all night. He _really_ wasn't ready to tell his mom about Axel and where that was going. And had already gone. Yeah, he didn't want to go there. It wasn't that they were on bad terms or anything, it was just that she was gone all the time and, at some point along the way after the divorce, they'd seriously drifted apart. Roxas couldn't even remember the last time he'd sat down and told her about his daily life.

"If you're exhausted, you should go to bed." He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the purifier pitcher in the fridge. "I can handle dinner." _Not like I don't do it most of the time, anyway._

She tilted her head slightly to the side, watching him with tired eyes as blue as his own. She was a small woman, the source of Roxas' petite frame, and except for the blonde hair he'd got from his father, they looked a lot alike.

"But I'm finally home, Roxas, I want us to have dinner together like a family." Roxas heard what she wasn't saying - _like we used to_. But that was before, before his dad had walked and Cloud had moved away. It was a nice thought, but Roxas was fairly sure they both knew that, really, the time of family dinners had passed.

"All right, mom," he said, setting his glass down on the table and sitting across from her. That time had passed, but they could still pretend things were happy and whole. She was gone so much it wasn't even that hard. "What are we having?"

She smiled at him like he'd made her day and he smiled back and almost meant it. "I was thinking something easy and low key - how does Chinese sound?"

Roxas nodded and picked up his water. "Sounds good to me. Make sure you order chicken chow mien - it's my favourite."

"I know." She finished her coffee and got up to go the kitchen phone. "You never change, sweetie."

_Yes, I do, mom._ He didn't say it. Some things were better off left unsaid. He'd tell her someday, probably. At least to a certain extent. When he was getting ready to leave home, maybe, like Cloud had done.

"How long are you home this time?" he asked instead. His voice was neutral enough that it came across as a casual question, like something he'd ask a friend, not his mother. It was easier to keep the illusion of contentment going when he acted like that.

"Till the middle of the week." She looked up from the list of take-out numbers taped to the wall next to the phone. "I know it's only a couple of days this time, but you know how important these trips are for my work." Her smile was tired. "I've got to keep our little family afloat, right?"

Roxas nodded and sipped his water to keep his face impassive. "Right. I get it."

It was just true enough that it wasn't hard to say and he hated himself for having to lie.

-

Roxas escaped dinner as early as possible, pleading homework and exhaustion, and promptly buried himself in his bed to call Axel. After suffering through a dinner composed mostly of agreeable half-truths, he felt like he deserved to talk to someone he didn't have to lie to.

"Hey, Rox," Axel said when he picked up on the second ring.

"Hi," Roxas said, carefully keeping his voice fairly low. "Sorry, I know I seem like a pathetic girl or something, calling you when I just saw you this morning, but I really wanted to talk to you."

Axel laughed. "Roxie, there is never a time when I _don't_ want to talk to you. Or see you. Or touch you. But what's up? Sounds like you didn't just call to hear my sexy voice."

Roxas smiled into the receiver. "It's... my mom's home, that's all."

"Is that a problem?" Axel sounded half-suspicious and half-concerned, like he was ready to leap into action, Roxas' own outrageous knight in a black trench coat, at a moment's notice.

"No," he said quickly. "It's not like it's _bad_ when she's home, don't get the wrong idea. There's nothing actually wrong. Things are just awkward. I think I told you about this, a little - when the divorce happened, my mom started going on business trips all the time, so she's hardly ever here. When she _is_ here, she likes to act like everything between us is the same as it's always been, and it's not." He'd never told anyone about this, he'd never wanted his friends' pity, but saying it to Axel was surprisingly therapeutic. "So we pretend that things are great while I, at least, feel like I'm lying. We're just pretending, all the time. And I'm tired of it."

"Well that sounds like fun," Axel replied dryly. "Do you want to come over? I've got some work to do tonight, but it's nothing too hard or time-consuming, so I can take a break. I'd come to you, but that might not go over too well, what with your mom not knowing I exist and all."

The thought of going and just collapsing into Axel's arms on Axel's ridiculous lavender sofa for a while sounded amazing. But... "I don't think I can. It's like you just said - mom doesn't know who you are and she might be suspicious if I just went down and was like 'hey, mom, I know I said I have homework, but I'm going to a friend's house for awhile, bye!' all of a sudden."

Axel sighed. "I don't want to get you in trouble with your mom." He sounded a little disappointed and Roxas almost caved on the spot and screw the consequences. "You'll just have to get Axel therapy over the phone instead."

"Axel therapy? What, is that the new wonder treatment or something?"

"Guaranteed cure-all," Axel agreed solemnly. "But it's kinda a long-term commitment, so I don't think it's going to catch on."

"Well," Roxas replied, smiling, "I think I like it better this way, all personalised and such. More for me."

"All for you." Axel laughed. "I just hope I can count on Roxas therapy next time I have a shitty day."

"I'm pretty sure I can work that into my packed schedule."

"You'd better. I don't know if you got the memo yet, but that whole boyfriend deal gives me special Roxie-seeing privileges." Roxas could hear the grin in Axel's voice and it made him smile a little wider, tension slowly draining away.

"That so?" He raised his eyebrows, even though Axel couldn't see it, and curled into a ball on his side, cradling the phone against his cheek.

"You better believe it." Roxas could hear a crinkling noise and then the sound of a lighter. A cigarette. After a brief pause, Axel spoke again, "You free tomorrow night?"

That got another smile. "Why?"

"There's somewhere I wanna take you. Call it another date."

Roxas pretended to think about it, even though the answer was obvious. "Yeah, I think I can do that. Are you gonna tell me where we're going, or is it a surprise?"

"A surprise," Axel replied instantly. "Trust me, you'll love it."

Well, that was intriguing. But his inner pragmatist came out anyway. "Does it cost money?"

"Don't worry about it," Axel said dismissively. "I'll cover any expenses, like the perfect gentleman I am. You can take me somewhere later, if you're worried about fairness, or an equal relationship, or what have you. This one's on me."

"Oh," Roxas said, heat creeping onto his cheeks for some reason he couldn't quite name. "Um, thanks."

"Don't mention it, Roxie. Call me a hopeless romantic if you want, I can take it."

"Duly noted," Roxas replied dryly, which helped smother the faint blush. His gaze landed on the calculus book and notes on his desk and he sighed, mood dropping again. "Ugh, I have a ton of calculus homework tonight. I hate calculus."

"Are you having trouble or something?" Axel asked.

"No, I'm actually okay at it, it's just boring and the homework takes forever." He sighed again, dramatically, and rubbed his eyes with the back of his free hand.

"I can help if you want," Axel offered. "It's been a couple years since my last math class, but I'm one of those freaks who like numbers and calculus is pretty fun."

"Oh my God," Roxas said, torn between amusement and vague horror. "You _are_ a freak."

"What?" Axel laughed. "Math's like a puzzle or a game. Once you get into it, it's great."

"I'm more of a word person, myself," Roxas replied blandly. "Give me a good book any day."

Axel chuckled. "I can see that. But now I'm curious - what sort of calculus are you being taught at that fine learning institute that tore you away this morning?"

Roxas paused. "Are you serious?"

"Yep," he said cheerfully. "And, hey, it might be over the phone, but I can still help you get through your homework more happily, right?"

It was Roxas' turn to laugh, incredulously. "Yeah, I guess that's true. Hang on, lemme get my book."

It wasn't quite what Roxas had had in mind when he'd called, but, all things considered, laying in bed and getting his homework done while talking to Axel was a pretty good place to be.


	10. X

Notes: This chapter got delayed for... a couple of reasons, involving moving and violent illness among other things. I'm back living in the States now, complete with wireless internet and good health, so writing has resumed.

But, before we proceed, I have a public service announcement to this fandom. Ahem. You cannot get embarrassingly, kissing strangers, oh-god-where-am-I drunk, followed by a killer hangover, from drinking beer. Beer just isn't that strong. If you want Roxas drunk enough to slur out his love to Axel, you need hard liquor. I suggest tequila because nothing gets you shit-faced quite like a few rounds of tequila shots. This is why I don't drink tequila (anymore). Also, a party with tequila tends to be a party with all of tequila's equally evil friends, so fun times can be had by all. My guess is that a lot of younger KH writers are just inexperienced, but those of us who have been around a little get jolted out of the story by how unrealistic it is to have Roxas stumbling around wasted after a couple beers. If you don't know, ask someone who does. Little details like that will make for a better story.

And remember, kids, never chase beer with liquor and always drink plenty of water, or you will spend the next day wanting to die. True fact.

**X**

Roxas didn't even bother heading home before going to Axel's, just taking a minute to call and let his mom know that he was having dinner with a friend and would be out late. She seemed happy enough about him having a healthy social life and said that, if it got too late, he should just stay with his friend, rather than braving last train and the walk in the dark, and he almost felt bad about how easy she made it for him to have a boyfriend behind her back. Weren't mothers supposed to question shit like that? But, then again, it wasn't like she would have expected to know any of his friends except for Hayner, Pence and Olette, so maybe she thought she already knew who he was hanging out with. At the end of the day, it didn't really matter because he wasn't doing anything wrong, anyway.

Axel opened his front door with a billion-watt smile, hair still damp from a shower. Roxas strongly approved of his tight black t-shirt, but opted not to comment because there were limits to what he was willing to say out loud. The way he got up on his toes to kiss him hello was good enough.

"So," he said, once they were inside, tossing his jacket and a soft red scarf that still smelled like Axel over the back of a chair, and stepping out of his worn black Converse, "where are you taking me?"

"Dinner." Axel grinned again and ruffled his hair as he walked past to grab his phone off the coffee table. "It's just a pizza place, nothing fancy and a little out of the way, but I promise you it'll be the best damn pizza you've ever had." He glanced over his shoulder with mock-solemnity. "This pizza, Rox? Is like a religious experience. It'll change your life."

Roxas arched an eyebrow. "That so? Or are you just making excuses for being a cheap date?" He smirked. "Should I put more cash on my train card, since it's 'a little out of the way' and all that?"

"Oh, no, we're driving." Axel hadn't stopped moving since he'd let Roxas in, going from his phone to finding his wallet and then to getting his trench coat out of the cramped little closet near the door, talking and gesturing broadly as he went. "It's not exactly near a station."

"Driving?" Roxas echoed, watching with an amused smile. Axel drove? That was pretty cool, actually, most people in their area just worked with the trains because they went damn near everywhere and it was cheaper than buying a car.

"Yeah." He finally stood still for a second, green eyes landing on Roxas. "Didn't I tell you I have a car? It's just a shitty Honda Accord, but it runs and it's mine. All paid off and everything." Then he was moving again, shrugging into his coat and motioning for Roxas to bundle up again to brave the elements. "After you, my dear."

Roxas laughed. "You're kinda spastic sometimes, you know that?"

"All part of the charm, babe." He winked and flicked the light off, locking the door after them.

True to Axel's description, the car parked in the little apartment garage was a Honda Accord, black with grey fabric interior. It had an impressive dent in the right-hand back door, but otherwise looked pretty well cared for. Not a flashy car, but it was definitely more than anyone else Roxas hung out with had. It was moments like that that made it really obvious how much older Axel was. Three years didn't sound like a lot, but when it was the difference between high school and life in the adult world, between living in at home and having an apartment and a car and a job... despite everything Axel had told him, why would he want a boyfriend who was still kind of a kid?

Axel looked over at him as he started the car. "You okay, Roxie? You got quiet all of a sudden."

"It's nothing," he said softly, pensively. Axel waited patiently. "It's just... I'm still a high school student. You're out on your own and you have this whole life that has nothing to do with me and I guess I... do I really fit in here?"

To his credit, Axel didn't instantly leap in with protests and declarations of eternal devotion and other romance novel sentiments. He looked thoughtful for a long moment, the silence broken only by the low purr of the car engine.

"Everything I have done for the past two years has been to find you," he said finally, voice quiet in that way that meant he was genuinely serious. "And that sounds obsessive and crazy and weird, but it's true and I'm not gonna start lying to you just because honesty makes me sound kinda like a lunatic. I could have gone back to school anytime, God knows I have the freshman year transcript to back me up, but I wanted this. I wanted _you._ And if I had to wait ten years, or twenty, or forever to find you and try, I was prepared for that. So, yes, you fit in here. You're not just some kid, Roxas, and this isn't a fling or a passing crush." He tilted his head to the side. "I'd swear on my mother's grave, or something dramatic like that, except she's alive and it wouldn't mean much, anyway."

Roxas snorted. "You have family issues, too?"

"Oh, hell yes." He rolled his eyes. "You have no idea, Rox, what I have gone through with my mother."

"You'll have to tell me about it sometime." But he actually wasn't avoiding the subject and he smiled, crisis averted before it could really take off. "So, we gonna go have that life-changing pizza or what?"

Axel grinned at him, relaxing back into his seat. "Definitely." He pulled out of his parking space and left the garage, more or less instantly convincing Roxas that his boyfriend, while possessing many wonderful qualities, was a terrifyingly reckless driver. He tried to pretend he wasn't clutching his seat belt for dear life because that sort of thing looked stupid, girly and lame.

"By the way," Axel said casually, coming to a surprisingly neat stop at a red light, "we're meeting a couple of people at the restaurant - Demyx and Zexion. They're cool - I know you'll hit it off right away. Hope you don't mind."

Roxas blinked. That wasn't quite what he'd been expecting, but it was kind of... nice. If a little nerve-wracking. Axel was bringing Roxas deeper into his life, beyond the confines of his apartment and what they did while alone together. It was kind of an initiation and a test - could they handle being a couple around people who knew at least one of them? But still, a good thing. It was proof that Axel really meant what he said.

"Okay," he replied simply, after a pause. "Sounds good."

He got another blinding smile in response and the nerves bundled tightly in his stomach changed into something more closely resembling hyperactive crickets. On speed. He had it bad.

He reassured himself with the fact that Axel seriously did, too.

-

Like the Italian restaurant Axel had taken him to for their first date, back before Roxas had realised exactly what he was getting himself into, the pizza place was small and nondescript. It was also kind of isolated, which made him wonder how exactly they got enough business to stay open.

Axel held the door for him, like the romantic sap he didn't even pretend he wasn't, and Roxas couldn't stop the small smile that came to his lips.

"They better be here," Axel muttered, letting the door fall closed on its own and looking around. The place was about half-full, which was better than the exterior had led Roxas to expect. Then Axel smiled, pointing to the far corner. "There they are."

'They' turned out to be a guy with blonde hair that was in such a ridiculous style Roxas couldn't even think of a name for it (mull-hawk? mo-llet?), sitting next to a slight man whose slate-coloured hair hung in his face. Roxas was pretty sure their hands were linked together between them, which was cute and kind of a relief. He didn't want to say anything about it, because Axel seemed so comfortable with everything, but he was still getting used to the whole dating-a-boy thing. There was a difference, he'd discovered, between being pretty sure you were gay and actually being in the relationship to prove it. Not a big difference, but enough to freak him the fuck out when he let himself think about it too much.

"There you are!" the blonde exclaimed. He seemed suddenly familiar, with his laughing eyes and melodic voice, and Roxas mentally shook himself because the feeling that followed was something both like and unlike fear. "Zexy and I were starting to wonder if you forgot where this place was or something."

"Of course not." Axel's affronted frown was familiar, too, but in a way Roxas could deal with. "And we're not late, idiot."

"It's almost six. You said five-thirty." He raised pale eyebrows, smiling teasingly.

"Okay, maybe we're a little late," Axel admitted. "But we're here and that's the part that matters."

The blonde seemed satisfied because he rounded on Roxas, scrambling out of the booth to hold his hand out, smiling broadly. "Hi! You're Roxas, of course. I'm Demyx, and this is my boyfriend Zexion." Zexion offered him a slight, courteous sort of smile and a nod.

Roxas smiled back hesitantly, letting Demyx shake his hand eagerly. "Nice to meet you."

"And now that we're all introduced," Axel interjected, "we can get pizza. Because I'm _starving_. There's no food in my apartment and Neric is conveniently missing all my calls asking where the fuck last week's check is."

"_No_ food?" Zexion's tone was dry. "Nothing?"

"I think there's a can or two of corn soup, and maybe some catsup."

"Don't you hate corn soup?" Demyx asked. "And catsup?"

"Therein lies the problem." Axel sighed in a long-suffering way and all but shoved Roxas into the booth, sliding in after him and settling an arm comfortably around his shoulders. "So it's pizza time. What do you like on your pizza, Roxie?"

"Anything but mushrooms." Roxas wrinkled his nose slightly at the sudden memory of a childhood full of the pepperoni and mushroom pizzas his dad loved.

Demyx chuckled. "Bad association with the mushrooms on pizza?"

"You could say that." Roxas suppressed a shudder. What was it psych people called that? Conditioned taste aversion? Something along those lines. "Other than that, though, anything's good."

"No pineapple," Zexion contributed. "I hate pineapple pizza."

"Okay, no mushrooms and no pineapple." Axel's gaze flicked to Demyx. "You have anything to add to the hell no list?"

The blonde thought about it for a few seconds, expression almost comically serious. "Anchovies."

"Good thing mushrooms, pineapple and anchovies sounds like one of the nastiest combinations ever." A grin flashed across Axel's angular face. "Any objections to black olives? No? Good, 'cause then I might have to disown you all." He glanced at Roxas and squeezed him closer for a second. "Sorry, babe."

Demyx grinned like a kid on Christmas morning. "You two are, like, the cutest couple ever. I'm so happy Axel finally found you! I was starting to get worried."

Roxas couldn't help but squirm a little bit, uncomfortably. He realised all of a sudden that Demyx and Zexion were part of Axel's Project. _Of course they are. That's why they're here._

"Yeah," he said softly. "Sounds like Axel was looking for a long time."

Zexion seemed to pick up on his disquiet. "You were, too. You just didn't know it yet. Everything will make more sense once you've begun remembering properly."

"I take it you guys have been here, too," he said, smiling wryly.

"All of us," Demyx affirmed. "Don't worry, Roxas, we all know _exactly_ how you feel. Except maybe Axel, 'cause he was first and all. I was second, which is still pretty cool." He grinned and Roxas couldn't help but feel a little bit better about life in the face of someone who seemed to find so much joy in living it. "But you're not last or anything, so don't feel like you've missed out!"

"There are still others out there?" Roxas leaned into Axel a little bit, getting comfortable.

"Yes." Zexion nodded once. "As of now, there are eight of us. Nine, including you."

_There should be thirteen_, a whisper in the back of Roxas' mind supplied helpfully. Dream knowledge. A flash of black coats and white and grey, isolated images lacking a background to place them in.

"We're missing four," he murmured, not realising he'd spoken out loud until Zexion responded.

"Five, actually. One of the eight we have currently wasn't one of us." Roxas felt like what Zexion was saying shouldn't have made as much sense as it did. "Riku. He's different, as is the person he's searching for."

_Sora._ The name leapt to mind instantly, when Riku was mentioned, and Roxas started because... his cousin? Images flickered across his mind, more dream knowledge, but when he tried to grab them, to piece together the puzzle and understand, they slipped away again.

"You doin' okay down there, Roxie?" Axel asked, lightness not doing much to conceal his concern.

"Yeah, it's just... really fucking weird." He mentally shook himself and got a laugh from Axel and Demyx, a smile from Zexion.

"True that, sweetheart, true that."

Roxas laughed a little bit, too, relaxing again. "And to think, I just wanted to be a normal teenager."

"Yeah, that went out the window when you started dreaming." Axel shrugged as best he could while half-holding Roxas. "'s okay, though. You sorta get used to it after awhile, and having the others around helps. But are we gonna get pizza or not?"

"Yes, oh starving one, we are getting pizza." Demyx rolled his eyes. "Go order something - as long as it doesn't have mushrooms, pineapple or anchovies, I'm sure it'll be great."

"Oh, I have to get it, I see how it is." Axel heaved another sigh and pressed a quick kiss into Roxas' hair before getting up to go to the counter. Roxas valiantly fought back the heat trying to creep up his neck at the minor PDA.

Demyx was beaming again. "You two really do seem great together. I'm so happy for you."

"You're making him feel awkward, Demyx," Zexion interjected quietly, noticing the way Roxas squirmed a little bit in the face of Demyx's enthusiasm. "Not everyone is as eager to go on about relationships as you. _Some_ of us are more private."

Roxas smirked. That sounded like an old argument. "It's okay. I mean, it's not like you're judging or something, right?"

"Well, of course not!" Demyx reached across the table to poke his forehead. "We're like a family here. No one judges anyone." He paused. "Well, okay, maybe some people do sometimes, but other people get mad at them for it, so it works out. And, anyway, Axel would probably set anyone who messed with you on fire, so you have nothing to worry about!"

Roxas, who'd been taking a sip of the water that had been waiting for them at the table, almost choked. "Th-that was a joke, right? The setting-people-on-fire thing?"

Demyx shrugged. "Kinda? Axel does like fire a lot, and I know he'd do anything for you, 'cause that's how I feel about Zexion and that's just how he is, so it makes sense, doesn't it?"

_Actually... yeah, kinda. Fantastic. _"I really hope we never have to find out."

"As does everyone else," Zexion agreed levelly.

"What is everyone agreeing on over here?" Axel slid back into the booth, pizza-ordering apparently accomplished.

"It really doesn't matter," Zexion said. "Just small talk."

Axel's eyes flicked between them. "I don't believe you. But I'm too hungry to argue, so I'll come back to it later."

"What kind of pizza did you order?" Roxas asked to redirect attention, because somehow 'oh, your friends just told me you're a pyromaniac, please don't set anyone on fire, thanks!' seemed like an awkward conversation topic.

Axel ticked off fingers as he replied, "Pepperoni, black olives, onions, sausage and extra cheese. They had this little ad up there for taco pizza and I thought about it, but decided to go with something more standard."

"Taco pizza?" Roxas wrinkled his nose. "That sounds like something off a school cafeteria lunch menu."

Demyx laughed. "It so does."

"I take it that everyone's happy with my choice then. Good, because if you weren't you'd be eating it anyway. Or, you know, not." He shrugged one shoulder casually.

"So, Roxas," Zexion said, rolling his eyes at Axel, "you're in your senior year of high school now?"

"Yeah." Roxas nodded, sipping his water. "Starting to figure out where I'm going from here. But first I have a senior presentation to do - twenty minutes of me talking about something important to me and how that relates to my currently non-existent future plans."

"I remember doing something like that," Axel said, smirking. "I talked about how exactly I came to be banned from the chemistry department and how that impacted my post-high school education."

"You were banned from your high school chem department?" Roxas' eyebrows shot into his hairline.

Axel laughed, white teeth flashing in the light. "Yep! I blew up part of the lab doing 'independent study' - it was pretty much the greatest moment of my high school career. Got me suspended for, like, a week and a half."

"That's... wow." Roxas couldn't think of anything else to say.

"It was one of the only two times I got myself suspended. I spent about a quarter of high school in detention, but I usually kept it low key enough to not actually get kicked out for a while." He was grinning broadly and draped his arm around Roxas again. "Good thing I'm smart and test well, or I'd have been pretty much fucked."

Roxas was staring, almost blankly. "And I thought Hayner was bad, back in freshman, sophomore and junior year when he got detention at least once a month."

"Did someone put the fear of God in him or something?" Demyx asked lightly. "Since he's not getting suspended all the time anymore?"

"Olette." He grinned wryly. "He straightened out a lot when he started hitting on her - painfully awkwardly, I might add - and then when they finally started going out, the end of his trouble-making days was pretty much sealed. She's sweet and usually really chill, but serious about school."

"Wow." Axel shook his head, amused. "Sounds... interesting?"

Roxas smirked. "I don't envy him."

"Good. 'Cause then I'd get all jealous and you don't want that."

Zexion rolled his eyes again. "Somehow, Axel, I don't think you have anything to worry about." Roxas fought back another blush, annoyed with himself because, seriously, was he a girl or something?

Fortunately, the pizza chose that moment to be brought to their table, distracting everyone from further Roxas embarrassment.

"This," Axel said between bites, "is heaven. See, Roxie? What'd I tell you? Best pizza ever."

It really _was_ good. A hell of a lot better than the chain places Roxas and his friends usually went to, anyway. "Mmmhm," was what he managed to get around a mouthful of pizza, which made Axel chuckle.

"Have you given any thought to what you're doing after you graduate?" Zexion asked, going back to the previous topic, before Axel's delinquent past sent them off on a tangent.

Roxas paused, considering it. "Right now? I have no idea. I've applied to a few colleges, but... I don't really know where I want to go or what I want to do. Nothing really feels all that satisfying, you know?"

"We know," Demyx said instantly. "I quit so many jobs before Axel brought me into the Project. It was crazy."

"So I guess everyone has the same symptoms?"

"More or less," Zexion replied, shaking his hair back out of his eyes. "The longer you go on, the harder it becomes to focus or settle. Things will be easier for you now that you've met Axel."

Roxas nodded, taking another bite of pizza to fill the little gap in conversation. "Hey, um, the guy Riku's out looking for? His name wouldn't be Sora, would it?" He wasn't sure exactly why he asked, because it was going to sound really lame if he was wrong, but it felt very important that he know.

Three sets of eyes locked on him, showing varying levels of surprise. "How'd you know that?" Demyx asked.

He shrugged uncomfortably. "When you said Riku's name, I just sort of knew. Sora's my cousin. At least, I think the Sora he's after is my cousin. It... makes sense."

The staring continued. It was getting kind of awkward again. "Well, that's weird," Axel said finally. He'd actually set down his slice of pizza.

Roxas looked at him, arching an eyebrow. "Are you for real? After everything that's happened, with all of us, _this_ is what you think is weird?"

"It's weird that he's related to you. No one else has been connected like that." He picked up the pizza again, apparently over his surprise.

"It's reasonable, though," Zexion interjected thoughtfully. "Consider the connection between them. It really isn't so strange."

Roxas shifted slightly, uncomfortably. What was really weird was the way they were so calmly discussing everything, picking it apart and analysing and acting like it was all so normal. He felt a little left behind and it was annoyingly like being really young again - the kid surrounded by adults who knew more and were more worldly and experienced.

Axel glanced at him and seemed to get it, because he ran his fingers gently down Roxas' arm and smoothly changed the subject. "So, Dem, you finally getting somewhere with that music career of yours, or what?"

It was a successful shift. Demyx was on it in a heartbeat, launching into an expressive, long-winded and somewhat confusing story about the club and the guy and the phone call and the gig where he made twenty dollars, and by the end of it Roxas had no idea what he was talking about, but he was laughing with everyone else and it felt good.

More than that, it felt like belonging.


	11. XI

Notes: I've finally managed to fully outline the rest of this fic and it looks like it'll come in at around 25 chapters. Give or take a couple, because I'm kind of shit with outlines.

That aside, I've also got two other KH projects in the works. TOS is my first priority, but I don't want to lose momentum on the other two ideas. They're listed in my profile - one is a nine-part short story, the other is a pretty epic sci-fi AU. Both will be AkuRoku, so watch for them. I've got a preview for the sci-fi story posted over on LJ, if you want to check it out. Link's in my profile. :D

**XI**

The unmistakable vibration of his cell phone on the bedside table woke Roxas up from his warm, comfortable sleep in a warm, comfortable tangle of his limbs and Axel's. Really, it was less a tangle and more Axel half-sprawled across Roxas' bare back, but warm and comfortable still applied.

He freed one arm from the twisted sheet and groped for the phone, wanting nothing more than to tell the caller to fuck off so he could go back to sleep. "Mmm, 'lo?" he mumbled vaguely instead, too sleepy to be properly indignant.

"Roxas?"

He yawned and blinked drowsily. "Olette?"

"Yes, it's Olette!" she snapped, reassured that she'd got a hold of her friend and could, therefore, scold at will. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Um... no?" He didn't really care, either, especially not when Axel woke up and started trailing lazy kisses along his shoulder.

"It's half-way through calculus, is what!" She sounded really exasperated, like it was taking every bit of will power she had not to just yell at him, but it still took his half-asleep brain a minute to piece together what was going on.

"Wait, what?" he said abruptly, shoving Axel off so he could sit up, colour draining from his face. "Fuck, I overslept."

"Don't you have an alarm? Roxas, you can't be late all the time like this!"

"I must've forgotten to activate it." He ran his free hand down his face. It was all Axel's fault, of course, Axel and his stupid enticing ways of getting Roxas into bed, leaving his better judgement and common sense with his clothes somewhere on the apartment floor. Yeah, that was the plan: blame Axel. Blame Axel and don't think about having been up till three AM having really good sex. Right. Good plan.

"Well, you better get here soon because we have a history test second period!" She sighed. "I've gotta get back to class, Roxas, he's gonna get suspicious if I'm gone too long."

"Oh, sonofabitch," Roxas muttered. "Yeah, I'll be there. Thanks, Olette, I owe you one."

"Damn right," she said smartly. Then her voice softened, "I'll tell our teacher that you were sick this morning, okay?" And then she disconnected the call.

Roxas dropped the phone onto the bed and groaned. The day was off to a _spectacular_ start. And it had been such a good night, too, all around, from Demyx and Zexion and pizza to Axel taking him back to the apartment.

"What's up?" Axel asked lazily, draping himself around Roxas' shoulders and contentedly pressing his face into the point where Roxas' neck met his shoulder. He was cuddly and warm from sleep and, for a second, Roxas debated just saying to hell with it and crawling back in bed for a few hours. But then he'd probably fail something and that would be really ugly.

"I've unintentionally skipped calculus and I have a history test in 25 minutes," Roxas said dully as he imagined just what his mom would say if he accidentally failed a class.

"Then what are you doing sitting here?" Axel rolled his eyes and shoved at him. "Up and at 'em, blondie. I'll give you a ride."

Roxas sighed, got up and stretched, then realised a couple of key, irritating facts. "I don't have time to take a shower and I've only got the clothes I was wearing yesterday." _And I'm pretty sure I smell like sex. And dirty hair. Classy._

Axel had the nerve to laugh at him. "Go wash your face and use some of my aftershave to cover up a little of the 'why yes, I did have sex last night and, by the way, my boyfriend is _incredible_' smell - I'll find a shirt you can wear. All is not lost, my worried little darling, you just have to think outside the box."

"Don't call me little," Roxas snapped almost reflexively, but he smiled, too, because he was with Axel and Axel could probably have made him smile even if the world was ending. Missing calculus (again) wasn't quite that bad.

"Go. Water, soap, aftershave." Axel pointed a long finger in the direction of the bathroom and it was Roxas' turn to roll his eyes as he ducked out of the room.

The good humour faded again as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, despairingly. His hair was a disaster from the combination of sex and sleep, and he wasn't sure exactly how much the aftershave was going to help. Especially since it wasn't his aftershave to begin with. His friends were definitely going to notice, because they weren't idiots and they probably knew, even if they didn't think about it, what Roxas normally smelled like.

Those realisations didn't stop him from washing his face with Axel's ridiculously expensive face wash and slapping on some of the aftershave. He grabbed the nearest comb and attempted to make his hair look decent. Fortunately, it was a spiky blonde mass normally, so after a bit of tugging the knots out, it didn't look too far off from any other day. Just... a little less clean.

He walked back into the bedroom to find that Axel had laid his clothes out on the bed for him. Apparently, the shirt he'd found was a black button-down, a little bit faded and well worn. It looked soft, at least, and vaguely Axel-y.

"Sorry, it's not the greatest thing I own, but the sleeves are a little short for me, so it might fit you okay." Axel had pulled on a pair of old jeans with a tear in the left knee and a white t-shirt. "Hurry up and get dressed, the clock is ticking."

Roxas made a face at him, but did as he was told. The shirt wasn't perfect, the too-short sleeves were still a little bit long, but it didn't hang off him, either. "Your face wash is really girly, you know."

"Shut up - I'm allergic to a chemical they put in a lot of cheap soap." He crossed his arms loosely across his chest and watched Roxas pull on his socks. "I think I like you in my clothes, Roxie. You're looking pretty hot. But, seriously, how tall _are_ you?"

Roxas scowled at him. "Five foot four. No comment, you." He shook his bangs back. "I'd probably look better if I'd had time to shower."

Axel waved a hand dismissively and led the way to the front door, where Roxas' backpack was lying next to his shoes. "You know I always think you're sexy, baby."

It was probably a sign of how far their relationship had progressed that Roxas didn't blush. He just pulled his Converse on and grabbed his coat and the red scarf off the back of the lavender couch. "You ready to go?"

"Just waiting for you. You're not exactly speedy, you know." Axel smirked and held the door open. "After you, sunshine."

"You're big on the terms of endearment this morning," Roxas noted blandly as they went down to the garage to get in the car. It was cold and Axel used it as a very transparent excuse to sling his arm around Roxas' shoulders.

"I'm exhausted - I take no responsibility for anything I say."

Roxas winced guiltily as they got in and Axel stuck the key in the ignition. "Sorry about that. Thanks for the ride."

"Don't mention it. It's my boyfriend-y good deed of the day." Axel tossed him a grin. "You wanna tell me how to get to your school, or am I supposed to guess?"

"Just get on the expressway. I'll tell you what exit to take." Roxas relaxed back into his seat and looked over at Axel's profile. His hair was thrown back in a messy ponytail and, even tired and wearing old clothes, he looked pretty damn good. "How come you look better than I do, even though I put in more work?"

Axel chuckled. "Natural talent, Roxie. What can I say? I got good genes or something."

"Uh huh." Roxas shook his head wryly. "He's modest, too."

"You know it." It was obvious looking at him that Axel needed a few more hours of sleep, but he smiled again and Roxas thought he looked almost appallingly handsome anyway.

He shook his head again. It probably just meant he was revoltingly in love.

-

To Roxas' surprise, and slightly panicked joy, they got to the school with four minutes till his history class started. Then again, considering that Axel's driving was psychotic, maybe it wasn't so surprising. Roxas was pretty sure years were being taken off of his life with every trip.

He looked over with a smile, though, and grabbed the strap of his backpack. "Thanks, Axel."

Axel grinned again and leaned over to kiss him quickly. "No problem. I love you."

Roxas did go a little bit pink at that, just because it was still a little new and the not-quite-awkwardness hadn't totally faded yet. "I love you, too. Call me later, if you aren't busy."

"I'm never too busy for you, Roxie." He grinned again and gave him a little wave as he drove off, leaving Roxas with exactly two and a half minutes to get to class.

Of course, he'd forgotten, during the car ride, about the lack of shower and lingering smell of sex clinging to his person. When he got into the classroom, moments before the bell went off, and fell into his seat next to Hayner, he suddenly remembered and almost cringed.

_Please don't notice. Just... don't notice. Take evasive action, Roxas._ "Did I miss anything exciting in calc?"

Hayner snorted. "Does anything exciting ever _happen_ in calc? How'd you get here so fast, anyway? Class was half over by the time Olette was able to sneak out to call you."

Fortunately, Roxas was spared having to answer that unknowingly loaded question by the bell ringing and their teacher telling them all to be quiet as she started passing out the unit exam on the French Revolution. But he didn't even try to delude himself into thinking his friends would just conveniently forget to ask later, and he sighed internally as he realised that he was going to have to tell them what was going on. His friends weren't stupid, they were going to be able to see that he was lying if he tried to make up some story about why he'd been able to get dressed and to school in a little under 25 minutes, when his normal train ride was 15 on its own.

It was time to tell them about Axel.

-

"Okay, Roxas, seriously, what is up with you?" Hayner asked, crossing his arms. "How the hell did you get to school that fast this morning?"

They were in Olette's bedroom, which was over her family's garage and had been their choice hang-out spot since they were kids. Roxas hadn't realised just how long it had been since he'd been up there until they arrived. He really hadn't been doing very well at the whole best friend deal and it didn't help the general guilty knot in his stomach.

"I drove," he said softly, resting his chin on his knees where they were drawn up to his chest.

There was a pause. "Roxas, you don't drive."

"I didn't mean me driving, I meant I came by car. Sorry, should've been more specific." He would have shrugged or something had he not been busy hugging his knees.

"Then who _was_ driving?" Olette asked curiously.

And there it was, the real thing he was having trouble with and needed to just get over so he could stop acting like a pre-teen girl. Roxas took a deep breath, reminded himself that they were his best friends and that he was being a total moron being afraid of them, and gave them the completely honest answer.

"My boyfriend."

The pause was longer that time, complete with blank staring from Hayner and Pence and wide-eyed surprise from Olette. Roxas shifted uncomfortably. _I did tell them I was gay, didn't I? It wasn't just some weird hallucination brought on by stress. Right? Right._

"You have a boyfriend? And you didn't tell us? What happened to the best friend rule?" Olette exclaimed finally.

"The _what?_"

"Your best friends are supposed to approve of who you're dating. Otherwise, you could end up with some creep who'll break your heart. Best friends can always tell these things, Roxas." She put her hands on her hips and glared, but there was a hint of a smile behind it.

"Oh. Um, sorry?" Roxas rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I didn't mean to not tell you, it just sort of... happened."

"Well, how long have you been together?" she asked, sitting down next to him. Hayner and Pence still looked somewhat awkward, but the room was warming up again.

"A couple months, just about."

"Wait, man, you've been keeping a relationship from us for _months_?" Hayner asked, a little incredulous and a little annoyed.

"...Yeah." The guilty knot tightened. "I was nervous about how you guys would react. And before you tell me what an idiot I am, I already know and I feel like a total ass."

"Well, what's his name?" Pence asked, looking genuinely curious now that the shock had worn off.

"Axel. He's a couple of years older than us, we met really randomly." He smiled slightly. "You remember that day back at the beginning of January when I was late because I fell asleep on the train? Well, that's when I met him. We literally ran into each other when I got off at the wrong station."

"And that was it?" Olette looked oddly happy about it. "Roxas, that's so romantic. It sounds like something out of a movie."

"Well, it wasn't... just that." Roxas' foot was falling asleep, so he stretched his legs out and leaned back against Olette's bed. "We sort of... caught each other's attention, I guess. He gave me his number and I decided to call. It all happened kinda fast, but, I don't know, I guess we just work." He was smiling again and his friends were back to staring at him, looking almost amazed.

"Dude, Roxas, you look so freaking happy right now. Do you even know?" Hayner grinned. "You've got it bad."

Roxas laughed quietly. "Yeah. I know."

"So, what's he like?" Trust Pence to stick to the practical questions, where Olette wanted the romantic details and Hayner was more interested in teasing him mercilessly.

"He's, um..." How was he supposed to explain _Axel_? "Do you wanna meet him?"

"Ooh, can we?" Olette asked eagerly, leaning forward. "I mean, I'm sure he's a great guy, or you wouldn't be so happy, but he still needs the stamp of approval."

"I don't know if that should scare me or not." Roxas smirked at her. "I'll call him, to see if he's free."

He pulled out his phone and hit the first number on the speed dial before they could have second thoughts or start quizzing him or something. Axel answered on the second ring.

"Hey, Rox, what's up?"

Roxas bit his lower lip briefly. "Are you busy?"

"Not exceptionally. I was actually going to call you in a little bit. Why?" Roxas could hear the smile in his voice.

"Well, um, I kind of just told my friends about, you know, us, and they want to meet you."

"Oh, cool." Axel sounded very okay with that turn of events. The knot loosened a little. "You can bring them by here, if you want. I'm doing some system maintenance, but a break to meet your friends would be both welcome and invited. Trust me."

"Sounds good. And, um, thanks." He smiled into the phone.

"You've been thanking me a lot today, Roxas. It's making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Axel laughed.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Axel. We'll be over in a bit."

"Awesome. See ya soon, Roxie."

Roxas flipped his phone shut and looked over at his friends. "Looks like we're going to Axel's. Is that cool with you guys?"

Olette smiled at him, all sweetness and summer sunshine. "Of course it is."

-

Axel's apartment really wasn't very hard to get to and, even with three people who had no idea where they were going, Roxas managed to get them there in less than a half hour.

He tapped on the door with his knuckles and then just went ahead and let them in. Axel was sitting on the sofa, in different clothes than he'd thrown on that morning, hair in a somewhat neater high ponytail and his black reading glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. He had a laptop balanced on his knees and turned his head to smile and wave cheerfully.

Then he went back to looking at whatever was on the screen. "Gimme a sec, I just want to finish this up. Take your shoes off and make yourselves at home, though, it'll only take a minute."

Roxas tossed his coat over the back of a chair, like he always did, and motioned his friends into the living room properly. Then he sat down on the sofa next to Axel and curiously peered at the complicated-looking stream of letters, numbers and symbols on the screen.

"How the fuck do you have the patience for this?"

"It's just source code," Axel replied vaguely. "It's not hard to learn if you just sit down and work on it." He typed one last thing in. "And... execute." He paused, then closed the laptop, setting it on the coffee table in front of him.

His attention turned fully to Roxas' friends and he stood up, walking over to Hayner, who was closest, with his hand outstretched. "I'm Axel, Roxas' boyfriend."

Hayner shook his hand, a bit too firmly. "Hayner. And this is Pence and Olette."

"Hayner, Pence and Olette. Got it." Axel grinned easily. "So, you and Roxie have been friends for a long time, right? Since, what, elementary school?"

"He told you about us?" Olette looked delighted and Roxas felt bad again about being secretive. "Yeah, we've been best friends since we were kids."

"Did you just call him _Roxie_?" Hayner interjected, raising his eyebrows.

Roxas sighed. "Yes, he did. And if you do it, I'll break your face."

"Aw, come on, Rox, I thought you _liked_ my terms of endearment." Axel grinned toothily and wrapped an arm around Roxas' shoulders. "I probably used at least five this morning and you didn't complain. Speaking of which, you still haven't taken a shower?"

"Shut up, Axel. I haven't actually gone home yet, okay?" Roxas scowled at him.

"You were here before coming to school?" Olette asked. "So that's why you were so late."

"Oh, good, Roxie," Axel said cheerfully, "they didn't notice that you smell like s-_ow_!" Roxas had elbowed him sharply in the ribs. "That was uncalled for, babe."

"Maybe you should be more careful what you say in mixed company, then." Roxas arched an eyebrow and Axel smirked at him.

"Wait," Pence said slowly, going a little bit pink around the ears. "Was he going to say what I think...?"

"_Axel_!" Roxas snapped, as his childhood friend trailed off in embarrassment. "Now look what you've done."

Axel laughed. "They're grown-ups. I'm sure they'll make a full recovery."

Roxas covered his face with his hands. "Oh my God, you're impossible."

"Um," Olette said quietly, making a valiant effort to just change the subject. "So, Axel, what do you do? Are you a student?"

Axel's toothy grin turned on her and he returned to the couch, pulling Roxas after him. "Not these days. I work for a friend of mine, tech stuff, as you probably guessed from the laptop." He nudged it with his foot.

Hayner didn't seem to be listening and was, instead, looking around the living room. "This place is way too clean, man. Do you live with a girl or something?"

"No, it's just me," Axel replied easily, accepting that Roxas' friends didn't know him and were going to poke and press and ask questions until they were satisfied that he was legit. "And Roxas, sometimes. What can I say, I'm an organised guy."

"More like obsessive-compulsive," Roxas added dryly.

"Hayner, you should pay attention," Olette said. "Take a leaf out of Axel's book and maybe clean your room more than once a year."

"My room's fine, Olette." Hayner rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Domestic troubles?" Axel asked lightly and rhetorically. Pence and Roxas smirked and Hayner frowned at all of them.

"Ignore Hayner, he's being stupid." Olette sat on the chair nearest the couch and leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. "This is really exciting, you know. I've been trying to set Roxas up with someone for ages and he's just never been interested. I'm so glad he finally found someone he clicks with!"

Axel smirked and tightened his arm around Roxas' shoulders briefly. "My boy's got good taste."

"Excuse me?" Roxas said, eyebrows shooting into his hairline. "Did you just call me your _boy_? I hope you didn't because if you did I might have to punch you in the face." All he got in response was a cheeky grin. "I hate you."

"You do not." Axel poked the end of his nose.

Oddly enough, out of the three people watching them, Pence was the one who spoke up, "Wow, you guys really _are _perfect for each other."

Roxas looked over at him, distracted from his staring contest with Axel. "What? Why do you say that?"

Pence grinned at him. "I'll bring my camera next time we all hang out and show you."

And there it was: that stamp of approval Olette had been going on about. In one sentence, Pence had assured Roxas that, yes, it really was okay that he was dating Axel, so stop worrying already. They didn't think his boyfriend was psychotic (even though he kind of was), they didn't hate him and everything was cool. And it really wasn't anything like the previous night, with Demyx and Zexion and a mutual past that stretched way beyond childhood and into a world that arguably didn't even exist, but was comfortable in its own way and it made Roxas realise one very important thing.

He was happy.


	12. XII

Dear readers,

Seriously, I love you guys. Every review makes my day and I try to reply to them all, but sometimes I suck. My schedule this term also sucks, so it's not really getting any better. As I'm taking all 300 and 400-level classes, in the interest of obtaining my degree, I'm going to have less time than I'd hoped, which means updates will continue to be a little sporadic. However, when I'm not highlighting the fuck out of philosophy texts, this fic will see progress. I promise.

Peace out,

Lexi

Also, this is the Neric chapter. AKA plot development. Just so you know.

**XII**

When Roxas got out of school two days after his friends met Axel, Neric was waiting for him.

It was a surprisingly nice day for early March, clear and hinting at the spring to come. Neric was loitering in the parking lot in a spot reserved for staff, leaning against a small silver car with his arms crossed as he watched the school slowly empty. Roxas saw him almost instantly and paused briefly before changing direction to walk over.

"Roxas, what's up?" Pence asked, glancing over at Olette and Hayner as they caught up. Part of Roxas wondered when it was him they'd started following - there had been a time when that would have always been Hayner. It was odd, and maybe a little sad, the way their group dynamic had shifted.

"I know that guy." He jerked his chin in Neric's direction. "I think he's here looking for me."

"How do you know him?" Olette asked curiously, looking over at the spindly dark figure Neric made against the car.

Roxas would have shrugged had he not been wearing his backpack over one shoulder. "Axel works with him." _More or less, anyway. _"His name's Neric."

"Oh." There was a short silence as she seemed to process that bit of information. "Have you met a lot of new people through Axel?"

"A few." He thought briefly of Demyx and his bright grins, and Zexion's subtle humour, and smiled. "He knows some cool people."

"Oh," she said again, her face falling slightly behind a weak smile.

"Look, Olette." Roxas actually came to a full stop, in the middle of the parking lot, so he could look at her properly. "Don't worry about it. Yeah, I've met some new people, and I like them a lot, but you guys are my friends first. Everything's still cool with us - I swear."

Hayner grinned and slung his arm around Olette's shoulders. "Damn straight. You know I'd kick your ass otherwise."

"Now, there's a ringing endorsement," Roxas replied dryly, which got a quiet laugh out of Pence and a more relaxed smile from Olette. "I'm really not out to ditch you guys, you have to know that. I mean, I was kind of a dick, not introducing you to Axel for so long, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to change out my group of friends or something."

"Okay, Roxas." Olette smiled at him again, sweet and familiar. "It just seems like you've changed a lot recently, which is kind of... hard. But I guess that's just part of high school ending, right?"

_Among other things, yeah._ "Yeah, totally."

Neric's smile of greeting, when they reached the silver car a moment later, was thin, but Roxas had a suspicion that it was just the way he smiled. There was something world-weary and cynical about him, even though his life seemed to revolve around something fantastical. It called into question just where he'd come from and what he'd been doing before he'd tracked down Axel. The thought came to Roxas fleetingly that no one who looked so young should ever have eyes that looked so old.

"Hello, Roxas," he said simply.

"Hi, Neric." Roxas smiled back crookedly and motioned behind him. "Um, these are my friends - Olette, Hayner and Pence."

Neric nodded slightly. "It's a pleasure." He blinked slowly and shifted his gaze back to Roxas. "Would it be all right if I borrowed you for a bit? There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

He'd had a feeling something along those lines was coming. Axel had only told him so much, after all, and it wasn't something that could just sit ignored indefinitely. "Sure, that's cool." He looked over at his friends. "Sorry, guys, I think this might actually be important. I'll catch you later, all right?"

Hayner hesitated, then nodded. "All right, man."

"Don't forget about the chem. quiz tomorrow!" Olette added, as they took off across the parking lot towards the street. "It's important."

Neric chuckled and opened the driver's side door. "They care about you. That's good."

Roxas slid into the passenger seat and toyed with the seat belt for a few seconds before buckling it. "Yeah. It's weird, though. Things are different now."

"Of course they are." Neric started the car and paused, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in a way that looked pensive. "It's to be expected."

"I guess so." Roxas sighed.

"Things will get better. They usually do, at any rate." He tossed Roxas another wan smile as he pulled out of the parking spot and left the high school. He was a better driver than Axel, but only marginally.

"You're a real ray of sunshine, Neric." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"So Axel tells me." He glanced over again. "You have questions."

That was definitely true. Roxas had a lot of questions, about the Project and about Axel and about himself, a thousand questions that really needed to be asked so that he could finally just calm down a little and stop upsetting his friends.

Instead, he asked, "How did you get involved in all this?"

Neric looked over again, as they came to a stop at a red light, eyebrows lifting in something like surprise. "It's a long story."

"I've got time."

He smirked. "I suppose you do."

Roxas crossed his arms and leaned his shoulder against the door. "You gonna tell me, or what?"

Neric paused, then lifted his foot off the brake so they could continue down the avenue. What he said, when he finally spoke, sounded like such a total non-sequitur that it caught Roxas completely off-guard.

"I was three-quarters of the way through my Masters thesis when I dropped out."

Roxas hesitated, lips parted slightly, trying to make sense of that introduction, for almost twenty seconds. "Why?"

"A few things, drugs mostly." The smirk was back. "You look surprised."

Roxas paused again, then tossed out courtesy and said bluntly, "You don't look like a junkie."

Neric just laughed. It sounded much freer than his smiles looked. "I'm not anymore, but I used to be. It started small, things like that always do, and then one day I realised that I just didn't care about computer science anymore, so I quit. The heroin had made me apathetic. Or maybe I always had been and the heroin just made it worse. Hard to say, now."

It was fascinating, in a morbid sort of way. Sort of strange and weirdly exotic, even though it was completely repulsive at the same time. Roxas didn't know anyone who did drugs like that, his and Hayner's brief and mostly unlikeable experimentation with pot junior year, and Axel's cigarettes didn't really count in the face of something like heroin. "Why'd you quit?"

He shrugged. "I got tired of needing it. And I don't recommend ever getting yourself in a situation that results in a detox. As it turns out, heroin is actually relatively benign and the detox can't kill you, but I sure as fuck _felt _like I was dying. Did you know that the term 'kicking the habit' comes from heroin withdrawal? It tends to cause muscle spasms in your legs." His voice was almost disconcertingly bland.

"And... you went from there to replacing memories?" _What the fuck, man._

"Not directly. I was a con artist for awhile, which is how I funded the Project to begin with." He laughed again. Roxas was pretty sure it was at the look on his face. "It was just a theory at first, an idea that took hold and wouldn't leave me alone. I got a bit obsessed with it, to be perfectly honest. It was kind of about me, and what I was looking for, and kind of about finding the people like me, because I knew they were out there. So I started looking, seeking out people whose emptiness felt like mine. I found Axel."

"And the rest was history?" Roxas asked with a dry edge.

"Not quite." He brushed his too-long bangs back off his face. "Once I'd managed to talk Axel into it - which was a challenge in and of itself because he's no one's idiot - there was still some work to do with the program before it was even thinkable to try it."

"But, it worked, obviously," Roxas pointed out. "Or we wouldn't be here having this lovely conversation about your wholesome past."

Neric smirked. "Oh, definitely. Even better, Axel turned out to be unusually receptive to it for no reason I've ever been able to figure out, so it worked without any of the problems or side-effects."

Roxas blinked twice, rapidly. _Wait, say what?_ "Side-effects?"

"Yes. That's actually the real thing I wanted to talk to you about, you know, as opposed to the train wreck of my younger years."

"What sort of side-effects?" It couldn't be too bad, could it? Everyone Roxas had met associated with the Project seemed fine. That was at least vaguely reassuring.

"Nothing permanent," Neric said quickly, taking a hand off the steering wheel to wave it dismissively. "But, aside from the fact that it might not work at all, or that it will, but the memories will fade again, there are some short-term problems that can arise. I can't determine _why_, except that it must be largely psychosomatic, but some people have a negative physical reaction to remembering. Notably, vomiting, fever, dizzy spells and horrible headaches - a lot of flu-like symptoms. It doesn't last more than maybe three or four days, usually, though most people tend to also get nightmares that have been known to persist for month. Generally, it's just not particularly pleasant for awhile. All of that aside, there's _also _a tendency towards flashbacks, waking dreams, and a general sense of dislocation. Axel will help with that, he'll keep you grounded, but I won't lie and call it fun."

Actually, it sounded like hell. Roxas looked out the window at passing houses and cars and kids on bikes - normal, mundane things, straight out of normal, mundane suburbia. And then he thought about Axel and love that transcended death and dreams of black coats and emptiness. He could have ignored it, that was an option, but that would leave a barrier between him and Axel that would never go away. And he'd spend the rest of his life wondering what-if.

"Are you still interested?" Neric was asking, stopping at another light and looking over at him more directly. "No one will blame you, or think you're a coward, if you back away now. It sounds a lot easier on paper than it really is. Axel will understand."

"But then I'll never know," Roxas said softly, turning away from the view of normal, mundane suburbia. "And it'll just drive me nuts for the rest of my life."

"Probably," Neric replied agreeably.

"You really aren't very reassuring, you know."

"Everyone needs a realist in their social network. I serve a valuable purpose." Neric smiled. "If you want blind optimism, go talk to Demyx. It's what he does best."

"I'll keep that in mind." Roxas toyed with the seat belt again, pulling it loose and letting it slide back into place against his chest. "But... I'm still interested. I need to do this."

Neric nodded, then flicked his hair back with one hand. He was wearing a silver ring with a knot design on the index finger.

"I'm worried about my friends, though. They don't understand."

"And there's no way you can explain it to them." There was a surprising touch of compassion in his voice. Neric didn't strike Roxas as a particularly sympathetic person.

"Yeah." Roxas rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I feel like I'm drifting away from them and I don't want that."

"You're growing up." Neric glanced over again. "Choosing tends to do that to a person and you started choosing the day you took that number a strange wrote on the back of your hand and decided to call."

Roxas sighed because it was probably true. "Do you think they'll ever catch up?"

"They might. There's nothing stopping you from loving them even if they don't. You're a good person, Roxas, you'll find a way to make it work out."

"What happened to no blind optimism?" He smirked.

"It's not blind optimism if it's true." He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel again. "Do you want to go to Axel's, or should I take you home?"

Another non-sequitur. Neric really seemed to like them. "Oh, um... I guess I'll go to Axel's. I want to talk to him."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Neric replied solemnly, "because I have no idea where you live."

"At least I know you're not stalking me." Roxas grinned.

Neric gave him a Look. "I am far too tasteful to resort to something like stalking."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Right, I'll keep that in mind."

"I should certainly hope so."

As luck would have it, they were closer to Axel's apartment than Roxas had realised. It only took a little more than five minutes to get over there and they spent most of that time in companionable silence. Now that he wasn't distracted by the surreal weirdness that was becoming his life, Roxas noticed that Neric seemed somewhat uneasy about driving, like the last place he ever wanted to be was behind the wheel of a car. But he was still a slightly safer driver than Axel, so he at least had that in his favour. Not that Axel's driving was particularly difficult to top. It was amazing he didn't have a massive record of accidents and tickets behind him.

"Here we go." Neric leaned back and tossed Roxas another of his thin smiles. "Tell Axel he doesn't have to work tonight, yeah? I've shifted someone else in instead."

"Sure." Roxas unbuckled the seat belt and grabbed the strap of his backpack. He hesitated before opening the door. "I have one more question."

"Go for it."

"Where are you from? You have an accent, but I can't figure out what it is." It was something that had been bothering him for awhile, just because it seemed like it should have been an integral part of who Neric was.

The thin smile actually widened slightly. "Oh, but that would be telling. I'll see you later, Roxas."

Roxas stood on the curb for a few seconds after Neric pulled away, staring after the car. Neric was really, really weird. But Roxas did, oddly, feel somewhat better about everything, which had to count for something. The weirdness didn't matter that much, anyway, especially not when he had an Axel to go talk to.

When Axel answered the door, he grinned like a kid on Christmas. "Hey, Rox, I didn't know you were coming over today."

"Neither did I." He came in and dropped his backpack on the floor. "I was talking to Neric and he brought me over."

Axel raised his eyebrows. "I hope the conversation wasn't too traumatic."

Roxas smiled wryly and shook his head. "No, I came out pretty much unscathed. But, I do have something to tell you."

"Oh?"

His smile grew and he felt some tension he hadn't even realised he'd been carrying slip away. Maybe Neric was onto something with his thing about choosing.

"I'm going through with the Project."


	13. XIII

Notes: Yeah, like I feared, this did take way too long. I had a lot of writing failure, and too many demands on my time, and a lot of Marx and Foucault to read for my philosophy classes. Basically, the universe decided to conspire against me. I'm still not completely happy with this chapter, and it's kinda short, but I finally decided to just finish as best I could so I can move on. There's more plot development, a bit of Sora and some AkuRoku fluff, to make up for the general lack of Axel in the previous chapter. Happy Valentine's Day!

Putting that aside, I'm considering writing a prequel (probably just a long one-shot) about Axel meeting Neric, the early development of the Project, Axel's mysterious lavender sofa... all those questions that may never be fully answered in here. Anyone have an opinion one way or the other?

And a random recommendation: check out Sa Ding Ding. She's Chinese and awesome. Sort of Chinese folk music meets electronica. I wrote most of this chapter to her album Alive, so you should go listen.

**XIII**

There was, Roxas had discovered, something very soothing about cuddling. Not even cuddling in relation to sex, or something like that, but just lying on that stupid lavender sofa Axel still hadn't explained and being quietly happy together. And it wasn't perfect, Axel's chin was a little bit pointy and tended to dig into Roxas' breastbone when they shifted around each other, but when they got it right and he had his fingers in Axel's surprisingly soft hair and Axel had a hand pressed warm against the small of his back, it was close enough.

Roxas must have sighed, because Axel lifted his head to blink at him lazily, cat-like. "You okay, Roxie?"

"Yeah, just thinking." He smiled slightly and felt like a lovesick moron.

"You? What a shock." He rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Though I am wonderfully thought-provoking, so I suppose it's to be expected."

Roxas slapped the back of Axel's shoulder lightly. "You're an idiot. And never mind, it wasn't anything important." Just something sappy and stupid that would make him sound like a total girl. And he really didn't need that. He embarrassed himself enough as it was.

"Aww, you won't tell me? And here I thought we told each other everything." Axel's eyes widened in some semblance of a pout, but it wasn't very convincing and Roxas found himself rolling his own eyes in response.

"You haven't even told me the story behind this couch, Axel," he pointed out wryly.

"That's because it's a painful story, Rox. It would be inhumane to force me to relive the trauma."

"I'm sure. Because you're _so_ fragile." Roxas smirked and shook his head, amused.

"It's true." Axel nodded solemnly, then dipped his head to nip at Roxas' jaw. "And I know you just couldn't live with yourself if you hurt my feelings like that."

Roxas bit back another stupid smile because Axel was using _that_ voice, the low, intimate murmur that Roxas was pretty sure was reserved just for him. "I guess I can let you off for now. But I really do want to know where the fuck this thing came from."

"One day, Rox, when I've psyched myself up enough to handle it." Axel lifted his head and grinned toothily, working one hand free to ruffle Roxas' hair.

Roxas batted the hand away. "You are so melodramatic. And kind of stupid."

Axel laughed. "Baby, you say the sweetest things."

"I know, right?" It was Roxas' turn to grin and he poked the end of Axel's nose. "I'm just awesome like that."

"Oh, definitely." He nodded and they fell into comfortable silence for a few minutes. Then, "Neric's going to want to talk to you soon, about the Project."

_Nice subject change there, Axel. Smooth._ "That's cool. It's not like I'm never around for him to find."

"Are you still okay with this?" Axel worried at his lower lip briefly with his front teeth. "Because, if you have reservations, please say something. Don't just press on for me, or whatever."

Roxas frowned at him sharply. "Stop being an idiot, Axel, seriously. I'm not doing this for you. I mean, okay, it is kind of about you, but it's also definitely about me. I'm not going to regret it or freak out and change my mind halfway through."

Axel smiled at him and it was equal measures relieved and wry. "Well, I certainly hope it's at least kind of about me. It's those fragile feelings, Roxie, you've gotta be careful."

Roxas rolled his eyes again, dramatically. "God, you're so weird."

"I thought it was endearing." His bright eyes glittered teasingly.

"Yeah, maybe," Roxas muttered grudgingly. "_Sometimes_."

"Better than never, right?" He kissed the end of Roxas' nose and grinned again.

"Sure, Axel, whatever you say." Roxas shoved at his shoulder half-heartedly and couldn't help but smile because Axel's responding laugh was warm and soft like summer rain.

-

In actuality, it took Neric another four days to come around to talk to Roxas again. Roxas wasn't sure what exactly Neric did with most of his time, given that the Project seemed to have enough people involved to keep everything going without his constant attention, but he opted not to ask. Sometimes he got the feeling that, with Neric, the best policy was to just be happy not knowing everything. He was a nice enough guy, and Axel seemed to have total confidence in him, but if anyone had haunted eyes (a turn of phrase writers, he'd noticed during his twelve years of public education, were partial to), Neric was it.

The aforementioned Neric smiled at him wanly over the rim of his cup of coffee and leaned back in his squishy green Starbucks chair. "How are you doing, Roxas?"

Roxas shrugged. Unlike his companion, he was too short to properly own the massive furniture and felt a little childlike, enveloped by upholstery "Okay, I guess."

"That's good." He nodded approvingly and set his cup down on the short table between them. "I'd hate for you to develop sudden feelings of alienation over all of this. Although, if you subscribe to Marx, we're all alienated anyway, from each other and from the world and from ourselves. Our _species being_, in his words."

"Um, right," Roxas replied as agreeably as he could, sipping his coffee to cover up his initial reaction of _what the fuck, man_. Neric was really weird and kind of sketch. Roxas didn't even know his last name, for crying out loud, but there he was, having coffee and, apparently, discussing Marxist theory with him.

"You should read Marx sometime," Neric continued casually. "He had some fascinating ideas. I don't subscribe to most of it, but it's certainly interesting."

"I've read part of the _Communist Manifesto_, for my history class last year." Roxas shrugged again, a good neutral response.

"Have you?" He looked briefly delighted. "Oh, that's lovely, very progressive."

Roxas wasn't sure exactly how to respond to that, so he sipped his coffee again before speaking. "Thanks?"

"You're welcome." He picked up his cup and turned it slowly in his hands. "Now, about the Project. I assume you've given it more thought?"

He was as bad as Axel with the non-segues. Maybe that was where Axel had picked up the habit.

"Yeah, and I still want it." He lifted his chin a little, almost defiantly, daring Neric to question or challenge his resolve.

Neric just nodded and took him at his word. "I thought you would, but I wanted to check before pressing on. How many Project people have you met, again?"

"Demyx and Zexion," Roxas replied. "And Axel, obviously."

"That's a good place to start. Zexion can be a bit prickly, but he's a collector of knowledge, very helpful and useful to know. And Demyx is... Demyx. He's tougher than he looks, though, don't let the stupid grins throw you off."

"I know. I... remember, I guess." Roxas looked down at his cup for a few seconds, a little bit uncomfortable again with the fact that he _did_ know that. He was trying really hard to just be okay with everything, but sometimes it went back to being hard. Why couldn't everything just be easy? His friends sure as hell didn't have to deal with anything like that.

"You've gone introspective on me." Neric smiled slightly.

"Why is it only us?" He blinked at Neric slowly and felt vulnerable and a little bit alone. Maybe that was what Neric had meant by alienation.

It was Neric's turn to shrug, a slight lift of narrow shoulders. "Maybe it's destiny - you have the chance to remember, so you'll be able to make things right. But I really couldn't say."

"Destiny," Roxas repeated blandly. It was kind of a bad non-answer. A cop-out.

"_Le destin,_" Neric agreed lightly.

"You're kind of crazy, you know that?"

He smiled slowly and finished his coffee. "So I've been told."

_Well, that was a fail._ "When do I get to meet the rest of the Project and all that?"

Neric tilted his head slightly to one side and thought about it for a few seconds. "Saturday."

"...Okay," Roxas said slowly, when no further information seemed to be forthcoming. "Where?"

"I don't know yet. I suppose the Project office would be logical, wouldn't it?" He tapped a finger against his cheek. "Go to Axel's place around noon - we can move from there."

"You have an office?" Roxas finished his own coffee and set the cup down.

"Of course." Neric looked almost affronted. "What, did you think I kept everything in my basement or something? I don't even have a basement."

"I hadn't actually thought about it much." He really hadn't. The mechanics of the whole thing hadn't been his primary concern.

"Hmm," Neric replied neutrally. "Well, then, Saturday at noon, is it?"

"Sure." Roxas smiled. "I'll be there."

"I should certainly hope so - it _is_ for your benefit, after all." Another thin smirk curved across his face.

"Noted." Roxas started to stand. "Is that it for now, then?"

Neric nodded. "Unless you have burning questions for me, which I may or may not answer."

Roxas rose fully and picked up his cup to throw it away. "Just one."

"Go for it."

"What's your last name?"

For once, Neric actually smiled properly. It was almost warm. "Ashford."

That... wasn't at all what Roxas had been expecting and it took him a few seconds to process it. "Is that for real? Or are you making shit up to confuse me?"

He laughed. "I didn't make that up, actually. My name really is Neric Ashford. It's on the office door and everything. Very official."

"Then what the hell is your accent?"

"Didn't I say before? That would be telling." He smiled again, with a flash of off-white teeth. "See you later, Roxas."

Roxas sighed. One piece of information acquired. Several thousand to go before Neric would start to lose his sketchy edge. "Yeah, later."

_Maybe Axel's around._

-

Axel wasn't. He didn't answer his phone, either.

Roxas flopped back on his bed despondently and was just about to call again, to leave some sort of stupid rambling message (because it had to be in the dating rules somewhere that he was allowed to do that), when his phone rang.

It wasn't Axel, though - it was his cousin Sora.

_Huh. Weird timing. _"Hey, Sora."

"Oh, good, you picked up!" Sora said brightly, in lieu of an actual greeting.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "I do know how to answer the phone, Sora."

"I know, but I wasn't sure if you'd be around or not."

"Well, I definitely am, so what's up?" Roxas tucked his free arm behind his head comfortably and looked up at the ceiling. It wasn't quite what he'd been hoping for, but if nothing else Sora was fun to talk to.

"I'm gonna be out your way next weekend, so I wanted to check if you'd be free."

"Why are you coming out here?" It wasn't like they lived worlds apart or anything, but a two-hour drive wasn't something most people did for no reason. "Not that I don't want to see you, but what's the occasion?"

"Um..." He actually sounded a little bit embarrassed, which was unusual for Sora. "There's this guy - his name's Riku - and he lives kind of near you. We hang out whenever he's here, so I'm just making it even."

_Riku? As in, _that_ Riku? Has to be - there can't be that many Rikus running around._ "Oh, cool. Yeah, I'll definitely have time to hang out." He smirked. "But, you know, Sora, if you want alone time with Riku, don't let me stop you."

"Hey!" Sora had gone from embarrassed to indignant. "I never said it was like that!"

"Uh huh. You're only coming all the way out here to hang out with him."

"Yeah, whatever, what d'you know?" Sora muttered.

_Actually, Sora? Kind of a lot._ "You know I'm right."

"Whatever," Sora repeated firmly. "Are your friends gonna be around, too? I haven't seen them in ages!"

"You saw them in August, Sora. That's not ages." Roxas shook his head, even though Sora couldn't see it, smirking.

"It is, too. We should go get that weird ice cream you like so much!"

"Sure, Sora, anything you want." His smirk softened into a smile. There was something about his cousin that always made him feel like smiling. "You should invite your Riku to come with."

"He's not _my_ Riku!" The embarrassed indignation was back full-force. Roxas grinned triumphantly. "Stop being a jerk, Roxas."

"What?" He laughed. "If he's not your Riku, why are you getting so worked up about it?"

"Shut up," Sora replied stubbornly. "What about you, then? Is there a Roxas' someone for me to meet?"

"Maybe," Roxas shot back, fighting off his own embarrassment. No one in his family knew about Axel yet. He wasn't totally sure he was ready for that. "You'll have to find out when you get here."

"There totally is!" Sora announced triumphantly. "You wouldn't be all vague if there wasn't."

"I just told you - you'll have to find out when you get here."

"All right, then." Roxas could hear Sora's grin. "I'll see you Saturday, Roxas."

"Yeah." Roxas grinned, too. "Definitely."


	14. XIV

Notes: Okay, so this took way too fucking long. To sum the delay up: university ate me, I started dancing again, I helped run my university's powwow (where I managed to sprain both feet, no joke), I got really sick, and I went back to work on one of my novels. That last bit does not mean death for my fic, just that I got very distracted for a bit by sudden inspiration for The Novel I Can't Quite Finish. The novel has since stalled again and now sits neglected while I return to AkuRoku. I swear, the next update will be within three weeks, because this five-week nonsense was just ridiculous.

Um, that aside, in this chapter we have slightly melancholy musings, Sora, Olette being awesome, the Project and Roxas realising that scheduling conflicts suck. Not necessarily in that order.

**XIV**

Roxas realised sometime mid-Friday afternoon, when he was in the middle of a Spanish quiz, that he had made a serious mistake.

He actually stopped halfway through a sentence, set his pencil down and smacked his forehead like the idiot he'd just realised he was. Señora Acosta gave him a dirty look, which was more intimidating than one might have expected from a little middle-aged Peruvian lady, and he grinned sheepishly and quickly finished answering the question about Juan going to the mercado and buying... stuff.

Roxas wasn't really a foreign language person and, had he been brave enough to be completely honest, he would have told his surprisingly imposing Spanish teacher that he really didn't give a fuck about whether Juan bought apples or not.

However, having a sense of self-preservation, he kept that thought to himself and instead wrote a probably incomprehensible sentence about Juan buying apples rather than oranges, and called it a day on pretending to be bilingual.

He ran into Olette in the hall on his way to the school's front entrance.

"My Japanese vocab quiz was so stupid!" she said by way of greeting. "You know what word I couldn't remember? Senshi suru - to be killed in action. What the hell, why would I ever need to be able to say that in Japanese? And Tanabe-sensei just laughed at me, can you believe it?" She paused in her rant to actually take a good look at Roxas. "Are you okay, Roxas? You look stressed."

Roxas managed a wry half-grin. "Yeah, I just realised in the middle of class that I've done something really stupid and don't have time to fix it."

Instantly, all traces of annoyance faded into concern and she leaned a little closer. "Oh? What have you done that's so bad?"

"I made plans with Sora for tomorrow."

Olette looked confused. "And that's... really stupid?"

He shook his head. "Well, no, not on its own. But I already had plans for tomorrow that I can't break. But it's already Friday afternoon and Sora has to come so far to get here, so... I don't know what I'm going to do about it."

"Can your plans with Sora be combined with your other plans?" she asked reasonably.

Normally, that suggestion would have made perfect sense and Roxas would have agreed immediately and breathed a sigh of relief. But there was the little problem of his plans being with the Project and Sora probably not being ready to deal with that yet. He had a feeling that could get really awkward really fast.

"Not... really." He sighed and rubbed the side of his nose. "They're not really compatible plans."

"Well, can you change the times a little, so they don't conflict so badly?" She crossed her arms loosely and tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. Roxas appreciated her trying to be helpful - Olette really was the most level-headed out of their group of friends.

"Maybe," he replied doubtfully. "I just feel like such an idiot, making that mistake."

"You kind of _are_ an idiot sometimes, Roxas." She grinned at him. "But it's okay. We love you anyway."

"Gee, thanks, Olette. You just made me feel a million times better." He rolled his eyes.

She nodded, still smiling. "I do what I can."

They'd reached the doors and Roxas paused. "I hate to run out on you, but there are some calls I've got to make. You know, to try to fix things before people get mad at me."

The look she gave him was made up of equal parts affection and amusement. "Of course, Roxas. I'll see you later. Maybe Sunday?"

He smiled and nodded, pushing the door open and walking out into the spring sunshine. "Yeah, Sunday sounds great. Make sure you tell Hayner and Pence, okay?"

"I will." Then, to Roxas' surprise, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. After a small hesitation, he hugged her back. "Everything will be okay, Roxas. Don't worry so much - that's my job here, as the resident female."

It was a warm moment, and also kind of sad. Roxas had been so caught up in everything with Axel that he'd forgotten a little bit how much he loved his friends. Hugging Olette like that, like he hadn't done in way too long, was a good reminder - comfortable and just a little too bittersweet to be perfect.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said quietly into her hair. She smelled like strawberries. She always had.

"Good." She let him go and stepped back and her eyes told him that she felt the same way he did. "See you Sunday."

"Yeah, till then." He hesitated, tempted to hug her again just to reassure them both that things were okay with them, too, but then he decided against it and waved instead as he walked away.

-

Roxas pulled out his phone to call Axel as he walked into the station. The phone rang three times and Roxas was beginning to worry about having to leave a rambling and difficult-to-follow message when Axel picked up.

"What's up, babe?"

Something about Axel's light voice eased some of the tension in Roxas' stomach and he smiled slightly as he launched right into the point of his call. "Um, we have a problem. With tomorrow, I mean."

"What kind of problem?" he sounded comfortingly calm about it.

"Um," Roxas said again. "Well, I kind of double-booked myself. My cousin Sora's going to be here and I told him we'd hang out, because I haven't seen him in months, and then I just remembered, like, today that I already said I'd get started with the Project tomorrow afternoon. But it's way too late to cancel on Sora, since he's coming all the way out here and I really do want to see him, so... is there any way we could maybe reschedule or push the time back or something?"

"We could move it to Sunday. Neric has the most easily modified schedule of anyone I've ever met." The accompanying shrug was audible in his tone.

Roxas winced. "Actually, I just made plans with my friends for Sunday. We haven't hung out a lot recently, so..."

"That's cool," Axel sounded unconcerned about the scheduling conflict, and maybe like he was trying to be reassuring about the fact that he was so unconcerned about it. "Why don't we just move our stuff to later in the day on Saturday, then? You can hang out with Sora in the morning and come here in the late afternoon. I'd say to bring Sora with you, but Riku's sort of the one handling that and I don't think either of them are ready for that."

"Yeah," Roxas said slowly, "I agree. Sora's a terrible liar and, unless he suddenly got really good at it, he didn't seem very clued-in about what's really up with Riku."

"He'll get there," Axel replied confidently. "I mean, he's _Sora_. How could he not?"

Roxas had to admit that Axel definitely had a point. If anyone could make things work out, Sora was it. He was special that way. He'd always been special and, even if they did this next-life thing over and over again (and who was to say they hadn't already?), Roxas was sure Sora was the best suited to make the most of things.

It was he and Axel that Roxas had less confidence in. Not because he doubted Axel, or even himself particularly, but because he remembered enough to know that they had a bad track record. It would be _so easy_ to fuck things up again.

"Reincarnation's a pain in the ass," he murmured out loud, thoughtfully.

Axel laughed. "True that, Roxie, true that."

"D'you ever think about why this happened to us?" He leaned back against the pillar in front of the bakery and watched the passing commuters, part of him wondering idly about what sort of lives they led.

"My guess, Rox? We fucked up so badly that we couldn't just move on. Things went wrong between us, we regretted it and that regret pulled us back for round two. Or round whatever, if we've done this before."

Roxas frowned. "That's depressing. What if none of this matters? What if, no matter how hard we try, we're just going to have to lose and find each other over and over again indefinitely?"

Axel laughed again, gently this time. "Don't go all existential on me here, Roxie. If you approach things like that, we'll never get anywhere. Maybe it is our fate to keep repeating this shit for the rest of eternity, so what? If you spend _this_ life worrying about it, you won't enjoy what we have now. And that would suck for both of us."

Roxas sighed before smiling slightly. "I guess so." He looked at the time. "I've gotta go, Axel, I need to catch my train. But, um, I'll come over Saturday afternoon... is three okay? That way I'll see Sora, too, and everyone will get what they want."

"Three sounds fine," Axel replied easily. "Talk to you later, Rox. I love you."

"Love you, too," Roxas murmured, before disconnecting the call and slipping his phone in his pocket so he could rush down the stairs to catch his train.

-

Sora arrived bright and early Saturday morning like a burst of summer sunshine, smelling distinctly like the beach as he gave Roxas the sort of enthusiastic hug that might have been expected from someone half his age. Sometimes Roxas envied Sora's ability to take an almost childlike joy in life. He wasn't really childish, but he was able to let go of the fact that he was eighteen years old enough to do things like tackle-hug his cousin, and Roxas had to admire that.

"Man, the way you act, Sora, you'd think we hadn't seen each other in years." Roxas laughed.

"Practically!" Sora grinned back and folded his hands behind his head.

"August to March isn't a year, Sora."

Sora dropped his hands so he could wave one of them broadly. "Close enough."

Roxas shook his head wryly. "So, what's up with you and your Riku? Any new developments?"

Sora's ears went pink as he mumbled, "Maybe." Then he brightened and changed the subject, "But we can talk about that later or something, right now we need to go get ice cream!"

Roxas laughed again, almost helplessly because there was really nothing else he could do sometimes in the face of Sora. "Sora, it's ten o'clock in the morning!"

"So? Anytime is a good time for ice cream." Sora grabbed his upper arm loosely and tugged. "Seriously, Roxas, don't be lame. Let's go!"

"Okay, okay!" Roxas admitted defeat. He didn't mind as much as he put on, anyway.

As they went to meet up with his friends and get some sea salt ice cream, Roxas realised, with the double-consciousness he sometimes had, how surreal it was that he and Sora were, in a strange way, the same person. They didn't seem the same, but he knew that, once upon a time, they had been two halves of the same being.

Even right then, in a life so far removed from everything he was trying to remember, Roxas could see how they fit together. It was oddly comforting.

Sora took that moment to flick his forehead sharply. "You look too serious, Roxas. Lighten up! It's Saturday, the sun is shining and we're eating your favourite kind of ice cream!"

"We're not eating it yet," Roxas pointed out facetiously.

Hayner snorted. "Don't be a jerk, man. You need to chill out a little."

"We're still on for tomorrow, right?" Pence interjected, ignoring Hayner, as he often did.

"Yeah, of course." Roxas grinned. "I think Olette would finally just kill me if I flaked."

"Oh, I see how it is," Hayner said, rolling his eyes as they reached the front of the line. "You only want to hang out with us because you know Olette would kick your sorry ass if you didn't."

"Now which one of us is being a jerk?" Roxas arched an eyebrow, but knew better than to take the jabs personally.

Olette grabbed an ice cream and stuck it in Hayner's mouth before he could rise to the bait.

Everyone paused. Then,

"That was awesome, Olette!" Sora said, laughing as he high-fived her. "You totally just owned everyone!"

She grinned. "I do my best. Someone's gotta be smart around here."

"I take offence at that." Pence swiped at the back of her head and everyone cracked up again when he missed entirely.

"Nice job, there, Pence," Roxas said, sitting down on top of the table outside the ice cream shop. It was too cold to be eating ice cream outside, really, but sitting on the little wire tables as a group was like a piece of summer to brighten up early spring.

"I rest my case," Olette said smugly, taking one of the chairs and turning it backwards so she could rest her arms across the back, unintentionally mimicking Sora, who'd just taken the other chair.

Roxas looked between them blankly for a moment, then had to laugh again because, despite everything that was weird, insane or just depressing when he thought about it too hard, this was his life and, really, it was a pretty damn good one.

-

He ended up having such a good time just hanging out with everyone that Roxas didn't make it over to Axel's till a quarter past three. He'd had to stretch the truth to get away, pleading that he had a date and, yes, he'd tell Sora all about it later, but he was going to be late so he had to go right now, sorry for running off. His lateness compounded the nervousness that was already twisting knots in his stomach, and he had to pause and take a couple of deep breaths before tapping on the front door to announce his arrival, and letting himself in.

Axel and Neric were sitting in the living room, seemingly deep in discussion. Axel looked irritated and a little bit frustrated, but his expression brightened considerably when he saw Roxas.

"Oh, good, you're here," he said warmly, rising to give Roxas a hug and a light kiss. "Just in time to save me from a stupid argument no one can win."

Roxas settled into Axel's side, wrapping his fingers in the hem of his t-shirt, just to feel safe and connected for a minute before leaping off into the unknown. "What's the argument about?"

"Whether or not I know what I'm doing," Neric said mildly, pulling out a cigarette and tearing the filter off before lighting it. "Which it is quite obvious I do."

"Why are you so worried about it now?" Roxas asked, glancing between them and choosing not to ask about the filter thing.

Axel shifted uncomfortably and tightened his grip around Roxas' shoulders. "It's just because it's you this time, babe. I haven't been invested like this before, and it makes me nervous."

"As has been stated," Neric interjected, "it's very stupid. Shall we proceed?"

Roxas smiled nervously. "Sure. Is anyone else coming?"

"Zexion and Demyx will be meeting us there." Neric flicked ash out the open window. "As far as I know, that's everyone who will be involved today. No sense overwhelming you."

"Oh," Roxas said, exhaling slowly and trying to keep his composure. "Okay."

"Are you gonna be okay with this, Roxie?" Axel asked, eyes narrowing slightly with concern, obviously prepared to toss out the whole thing if Roxas had any doubts.

"Yeah, I'm fine." His reassuring smile was genuine, if a little thin. "I'm just nervous, that's all. It's kind of a big thing."

"It's good that you understand that," Neric said thoughtfully, tossing the cigarette butt out the window. "I think that means it's safe to proceed. Shall we?"

Axel gave Roxas a long, hard look, then nodded. "Yeah, let's."

-

The Project headquarters were on the second floor of a small, unassuming office building two blocks from the station. There was a small plaque with the name Neric Ashford printed in neat white lettering next to the nondescript door.

"This looks like a dentist's office," Roxas said with a lightness he didn't feel.

Neric shrugged and unlocked the door, pushing it open and beckoning for his companions to precede him. "After you."

Axel went first, flicking the lights and waving his arm casually. "Well, Rox, this is it."

Roxas looked around, crossing his arms loosely across his chest. "This is totally a dentist's office."

Neric chuckled. "It used to be, I think, before I became the new tenant."

"It certainly isn't full of dental equipment now, though," Axel said casually, offering Roxas his hand. "Come on, I'll give you the tour. Such as it is - this place is pretty small."

Roxas' first thought, upon entering the next room, was that Neric was more loaded than he let on. The room was taken up by computers - four of them, all on and running some sort of application. Zexion was sitting at the one at the far right, fingers moving rapidly across the keyboard.

"You been here long, Zex?" Axel asked.

"About twenty minutes." Zexion tossed his head to get his bangs back off his face. "Demyx went out to get coffee - he'll be back in a few."

"That's fine," Neric said. "That will give us time to orient Roxas."

Roxas took at as his cue to ask questions. "What _is _all this?"

"The backbone of the program," Axel said, with a hint of pride. "These computers keep it all running. Most of the work we do is maintenance here, computer-watching, little tweaks to the applications so that everything keeps moving."

"Why do you need to keep it running when you aren't using it?" He frowned slightly. It seemed way too work-intensive for how rarely people were brought in.

Neric brushed his hair back. "We do more than just restore memories - there's a lot of data collation, among other things, as well as the fact that this is a delicate system that needs to be kept up, or it will fail."

"Okay." Roxas eyed the glowing screens with some trepidation.

"Don't worry about it right now, Roxie," Axel said confidently, slinging am arm around his shoulders. "You'll learn. Everyone starts with nothing, right?"

"You're not very good at the reassuring thing," Zexion pointed out mildly, but was saved from Axel's response by Demyx coming in.

"Oh!" he said, grinning. "You guys are here already. You haven't been waiting long, right?"

"No, not long." Neric leaned against the edge of one of the tables. "Now that we're all here, shall we continue?"

There was a pause while everyone looked at Roxas, waiting to make sure he was still all right. It was an uncomfortable sort of scrutiny, but Roxas understood and appreciated it anyway.

He nodded.

Axel exhaled slowly, a sigh that sounded both relieved and resigned. It was an odd moment, like Olette's hug had been, a little bit bittersweet. There was a lot at stake.

"All right, then," Axel murmured, tightening his grip on Roxas' hand. "You don't have to do much, Roxie, just relax."

The adjacent room was surprisingly nondescript - there was a reclining chair and a laptop, with some kind of headset hooked to it. It was much less daunting and science-fiction-y that Roxas had anticipated.

"This is it?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Hey now, don't knock it." Demyx grinned at him. "It doesn't look like much, but that's just 'cause Neric and Zexion spent, like, the last year and a half improving the system."

"It used to be terrifying," Zexion informed him, going over to the computer to tap in a password. "This is a bit more user-friendly."

Neric looked over at Roxas thoughtfully. "If you're ready, then, take a seat."

Roxas drew a deep breath, then nodded and sat down in the soft chair, putting the headset on when Neric handed it to him. Axel let go of him and, instead, settled uneasily next to the laptop.

"This is the easy part for you, Rox." He grinned wryly. "You just chill while we do all the work."

Neric was prepping a syringe, his long fingers deft and sure beneath white latex gloves. "I'm going to give you something that will make you fall asleep. Let it happen and don't worry - we'll all be here when you wake."

"It's probably too late to say I hate needles, right?" But he grinned weakly because, despite how frightened he was, he was pretty sure he'd never been more sure of a decision in his life.

Neric's answering smile let Roxas know that he understood. "Just relax, it won't hurt a bit."

Roxas snorted, but managed to hold still while Neric slid the needle into his arm. "That's what they always say."

"I suppose it is, isn't it?" Gloved fingers brushed across his forehead, gently. "Sleep now. Everything's all right."

And so, regardless of fear and anticipation, Roxas slept and, when he woke later that night, things both were and were not as different as he'd thought they'd be.


	15. XV

Notes: So, um, you remember that thing I said about it being two to three weeks before the next chapter? Yeah, that totally didn't happen. In my defence, I'm just finishing up my junior year of undergrad, majoring in English, minoring in philosophy and trying not to forget my Japanese, I secured a job for fall, and I started job-hunting for the summer. I still have papers to write, mostly Foucauldian and headache-causing, but I'm taking a break to finally update this story. I swear I didn't forget about you guys and your reviews make my day every time I get a notification!

The next chapter definitely WILL be sooner because my last paper is due on Sunday and then I'm done with school till the end of August. So there will be no more of this six week unannounced hiatus nonsense.

Anyway, here we have the second half of what happened in chapter 14. There's an odd bit in the middle, a little scene in italics and present tense, you'll know it when you get there. Think of it as occurring in that odd time where you're not quite sleeping, but you're not quite awake and hopefully it'll make sense.

**XV**

"Axel, if you don't stop tapping your fingers against the back of my chair, I will stab you with my pen." Neric turned his head just enough to give Axel a brief, level stare before turning back to checking things off a long, largely indecipherable, list on a clipboard.

"Sorry," Axel muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets and shuffling his feet restlessly. "Does it always take this long?"

Neric glanced over at Roxas. "More or less. It's a little different for everyone, but this is well within the range of normal."

"Don't worry so much, Axel," Demyx said reassuringly from where he was leaning against the back of Zexion's chair. "Roxas looks fine."

Axel sighed and rocked back on his heels. "I'm just nervous, okay? This is kind of a big deal."

"Be that as it may," Zexion said mildly, "subdued panic attacks aren't helping anyone. Find a magazine to read, or something. The time will pass faster."

As it turned out, Zexion's very reasonable suggestion proved unnecessary because, a moment after he spoke, the computer beeped at them. Everyone's head whipped around to look at the screen and Axel found a moment of satisfaction in the realisation that the other three weren't quite as relaxed as they put on.

Neric rolled his chair over to the desk with the keyboard and tapped in a numerical sequence to shut down the program. Then, when all the noise had stopped, he detached Roxas from the wires while Demyx checked his vitals.

"He seems okay," Demyx said with that sort of almost-real casualness Axel found annoying. "His heart rate's a little fast, but it's nothing to worry about."

Roxas must have found it annoying, too, because, as though to contradict everything Demyx had just said, his eyes flew open and he sat up, coughing and shaking. He tried to sit up, anyway, but about halfway through he collapsed back down weakly.

Axel blanched and rushed forward, only to be stopped by Neric's arm. "Neric, what the fuck? This is not normal!"

"Calm down, Axel!" Neric snapped irritably. "It's just a psychosomatic reaction to the stress."

Roxas muttered something indistinct, starting with what might have been _Axel_, and then started coughing again. The shaking hadn't let up and, as Neric reached him, trusting for the moment that Axel wasn't going to do anything rash and stupid, he pushed himself up enough to lean over the edge of the chair and vomit on the floor.

"Neric!" Axel snapped, angry and more than a little afraid. "Do something for him!"

"Demyx, would you try to calm Axel down, please?" Neric asked evenly. "I'm going to give Roxas something that will help with the nausea and I don't like being shouted at while I work."

Axel scowled, but didn't say anything else. Neric was very patient, as a general rule, but he had his limits and it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that he'd get frustrated with Axel getting in his way and toss him out of the room until Roxas was doing a little bit better.

As Axel crossed his arms and glared at nothing in particular, Neric prepped another syringe and lifted Roxas' arm gently. Roxas made a pathetic noise and said faintly, "Don't like needles..."

"I know, sweetheart," Neric said with surprising gentleness. "But, this will make you feel better."

"Mm, where's Axel?" His head fell to the side and he didn't open his eyes.

And that was enough prompting for Axel to give up on standing around being useless. He came around to Roxas' other side and took his free hand comfortingly. "I'm right here, Rox."

"You died," Roxas mumbled feverishly, "in fire. I couldn't help... just had to watch. Stay with me..."

Axel pressed his lips together in a thin line, worried and startled and a little sad, but nodded and kept his voice sure. "Always. I promised, didn't I?"

"Good." His hold on Axel's hand loosened slightly. "Take me home?"

He looked across at Neric for confirmation. After a brief hesitation, his friend nodded. "It's fine, Axel, staying here isn't going to make him any better. Put him to bed and keep an eye on him - he should be all right in the morning, but if he's not I want you to call me."

"We'll help you take him down to the car," Demyx volunteered quickly.

"Yes," Zexion agreed. "So you don't do something stupid like fall down the stairs or walk into a door in your blind panic."

It sounded a little bit mean, but was really the right thing to say. Some of the tension drained from Axel's face and he smiled thinly. "You'd laugh, you know you would."

"Perhaps." His lips twitched slightly. "But Roxas wouldn't."

"Yeah, I imagine not." Axel looked down at him again. "I don't suppose you can walk, can you, blondie? Good thing I'm so tough, huh?"

"Yes, Axel, you're a regular knight in shining armour," Neric said, deadpan. "Be careful with him, please."

"You think I'd be careless?" He raised his eyebrows challengingly. "I love him."

"Neric's just being cautious, Axel," Demyx said soothingly. "You sure you can handle carrying him down the stairs?"

"Just get the doors for me." He reached down and, with extreme care, picked Roxas up and held him against his chest. "Damn, you're heavier than you look, babe."

"Shut up," Roxas muttered vaguely, pressing his face against Axel's shoulder. He was still shaking, but it seemed to be calming down. Minor tremors rather than convulsions.

"Glad to know you're still with us, Rox." Axel shifted his grip slightly and turned towards the door. "Someone wanna help me here? I'm not going to be able to hold him indefinitely."

"Got it!" Demyx said, dashing to the door and opening it with a flourish. "After you."

"Take care of him, Axel," Neric said softly, reclaiming his rolling chair. "Call me tomorrow, after you've both slept. I'm going to want an update, even if he is feeling okay."

"I will." He nodded in lieu of a wave and headed out, Demyx on his heels and Zexion following at a more sedate pace to make sure Demyx closed the doors after them and didn't knock anyone or anything over in his desire to be helpful.

They managed to get down to the car without incident, though the janitor in the lobby gave Axel a very strange look when he realised that the bundle in his arms was a person, and Axel just stopped and slumped against the driver's side door for a few minutes, catching his breath and trying to relax before driving home. Roxas was an indistinct lump sprawled across the back seat under Axel's coat, still and sleeping.

"If I had to guess," Zexion said, "I'd say that shot Neric gave him had a sedative in it."

"He looks a little better, though, doesn't he?" Demyx draped himself across Zexion's shoulders in a way that should have looked awkward, but didn't.

Axel sighed and rubbed the side of his nose. "Okay, guys, I'm going to take him home. Thanks for your help."

Demyx waved his hand dismissively. "It's not like anyone had to twist our arms. We're worried, too!"

He managed another thin smile as he got in the car. "Yeah, well, thanks anyway."

As he pulled out of the parking lot, he caught a glimpse of Roxas in the rear-view mirror. "You can't do shit like this to me, Rox, I don't think I can take it."

Roxas made a faint noise in his sleep and shifted a little farther under the coat.

"Yeah, I love you, too."

-

_Morning comes sometime in the midst of dreams of fire and smoke and endless falling ash. I don't know how I got here, but I can feel the pillow beneath my head and it smells like the dreams and the dreams smell like Axel and it's all the same, isn't it? Keyblades and chakrams and hopes and fears. Desire and lack and emptiness and getting what you want is never quite what you imagined._

_I remember. The World That Never Was. Twilight Town. 'Talk about blank with a capital B.' Stupid line, stupid Axel._

_There are other things, too, other memories. Chain-smoking at three o'clock in the morning. Walking on a beach. Meeting and loving and parting and dying. Different every time._

_Maybe we'll do it right this time._

-

The first thing Roxas noticed when he woke up was Axel's absence. The second was the distinctive smell of coffee, which tipped him off to where Axel had gone.

He felt terrible, like the flu, or a really bad hangover. His head ached and his mouth was dry and the thought of drinking the coffee he knew was sitting on the kitchen counter made his stomach turn. Despite some serious blanks, he remembered enough of the previous day to have a pretty good idea why.

It took about five minutes for him to convince his aching joints that moving really was a good idea, and another three to get off the bed. Ultimately, the effort proved pointless because, right as he got to the bedroom door, Axel opened it.

"What are you doing?" His eyebrows shot into his hairline. "Get back in bed!"

"But... it's noon," Roxas protested weakly, even though lying down again sounded amazing. Even better if Axel came with him.

"And you scared the shit out of me last night." He grabbed Roxas' elbow and gently guided him back to the bed. "We are going to spend the entire day in bed and you are not going to argue. You need to rest."

"You're staying with me, right?" Roxas slid back under the covers regardless, too tired to put up a fight he didn't want to win, moving over so Axel could follow.

"I said _we_, didn't I?" Axel smiled wryly and set his coffee cup down on the bedside table before getting in bed and pulling Roxas against his chest. "You really did scare me, kid. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." He snaked an arm around Axel's waist and smiled wanly against his shoulder. "But I'll be okay."

"I know." Axel kissed the top of his head. "You're all tough and resilient like that."

"You're teasing me."

Axel chuckled lowly and rubbed comforting circles between his shoulder blades. "Not really. I have the utmost faith in your recovery skills."

Roxas sighed, half-happy and half-exhausted, and listened to the sound of Axel's heart beat, steady and reassuring. "How long was I out?"

"Since about ten." Long fingers gently carded through his hair. "You needed to sleep, you were in a bad way last night."

He didn't really remember much of that part. "What happened?"

"According to Neric? A psychosomatic reaction to stress. You seemed okay after the program had run through, but then you started shaking and coughing. You narrowly missed Neric's shoes when you finally threw up. He would have deserved it, though."

That explained why his mouth tasted weird. "Ew."

"It was pretty awful, yeah," Axel agreed. "You really scared me. I don't usually do that part, it's not really my job, so I didn't know that sort of thing could happen."

"I'm sorry," Roxas murmured.

"Not your fault, babe. It's not really something you had any control over." He kissed his hair again. "I'm just glad you're feeling better."

"Yeah, you and me both."

It was Axel's turn to sigh, and he squeezed Roxas close for a moment, like he was reassuring himself that he was still there. "Do you remember anything new?"

Roxas paused. Everything was a little bit fuzzy, like looking through a lens that was out of focus, but with a little effort some clear bits surfaced. "A little. I remember... being empty, all the time. And wanting, wanting so badly because that was all we knew how to do. And I remember you. I remember that you died and all I could do was watch." He swallowed compulsively. "It was hard."

The words weren't enough, were weak and fragile and nothing in the face of the pain he remembered, but they were something and all he had to give. And Axel remembered, too. Pain shared was pain halved? Something like that, anyway.

"I'm sorry." It seemed like they were apologising a lot that morning.

"Don't be. I wanted this."

"I know."

They fell silent and just lay there, wrapped up in their own thoughts and each other, for a long time. There were things they couldn't say, things that were shared between them, but still couldn't ever be properly expressed, and it was difficult to reconcile that impossible gap with the knowledge that, to a certain extent, they both already knew it all. Roxas wondered if it was like that for all of them, if Demyx and Zexion had had that morning, if Neric knew what his Project resulted in, if one day Sora and Riku would lay in bed, silent and tired under the weight of all the things that would probably never be said aloud. He decided to think so because it was happier to assume that he and Axel were part of a group.

It was nice to not be alone.

"I need to call Neric," Axel said suddenly, voice slightly muffled against Roxas' hair. "I told him I'd let him know that you're doing okay."

"Don't." Roxas twisted his fingers in Axel's shirt and pulled him closer, burying his face in his chest and clinging because the last thing he wanted was for Axel to get up and walk away. "Stay with me."

Axel sighed lightly and nodded, even though Roxas couldn't see it. "Okay."

The afternoon sun filtered through the blinds cast long rectangles of light across the bed. The world kept turning, same as always even though they had changed and would keep changing. There was nowhere to go, nothing to do but stay where they were and kiss and cuddle and talk and stay silent for as long as they wanted.

Sometimes things really were just that simple.


	16. XVI

Notes: A chapter in less than three weeks? WHAT. I hope you didn't fall out of your chairs from shock. But, yes, timeliness seems to be returning to this fic. Putting that aside, we are in the final 10 chapters of this story! I've been saying it'll be about 25 chapters, but that's really only a rough estimate. For you see, friends, I am the world's worst outliner. This is not to say that I can't write outlines, but rather that I can't stick to them. So, the fact that I determined back at about chapter 10 that this fic would be about 25 chapters is actually kind of meaningless. The real ultimate length remains to be seen.

Also, um, I'm doing my best not to be too distracted by other projects, most notably _Nine Lives_, but it's occasionally a struggle. This story is pretty light-hearted and I keep getting pulled back into darker ideas. But we're in the midst of the second half here, so progress continues to be made! I promise, the ending won't be a 'rocks fall, everyone dies.'

**XVI**

"You look like shit, man."

Roxas lifted his head off his hands and frowned at Hayner weakly. "Thanks, Hayner, it's nice to see you, too."

Hayner held up his hands defensively. "Just making an observation. What'd you do, stay up all night or something?"

Roxas shook his head. "No, I was sick this weekend, Saturday into Sunday."

"Are you okay now?" Olette asked, eyes narrowing slightly in concern.

He half-smiled. "Yeah, it was just a weird 24-hour sort of thing. But now I've got, like, a virus hangover or something. I'm just really tired today."

"Understandable." She nodded. "You should have stayed home today. Class isn't so important that you should come when you're sick." She looked at Hayner. "Which does _not_ mean you can just take the day off when you have allergies or a headache, Hayner."

"What?" He smiled winningly. "I wasn't getting any ideas."

"Good." She nodded again. "But, Roxas, seriously, go home if you feel so bad."

He gave her another wan smile. "No, I'm okay. It's not _that_ bad."

"Well, if you're sure," she said doubtfully.

"Seriously, Olette, I'm fine." He laughed. "I don't have the plague. I'm not even sick anymore." Not that he'd been sick before, really, but the real situation was so weird he didn't even want to try explaining it. A 24-hour bug was much easier and more likely to be believed.

"Okay, okay!" She laughed, too. "I just worry about you, Roxas. I feel like you don't take very good care of yourself."

"That's what his boyfriend's for," Hayner interjected, laughing at the surprised look that slid across Roxas' face.

"That's true." Olette turned back to him. "Tell Axel that, if he doesn't take good care of you, I'll come after him with a frying pan."

"A frying pan?" Roxas had to laugh again. "Olette, what the fuck?"

"It's a good weapon," she insisted, "very threatening. Just tell him."

"Will do." He gave her a little two-finger salute, a gesture he was pretty sure he'd picked up from prolonged exposure to Axel, who had a habit of doing slightly annoying little things like that. "I'm sure it will fill him with the fear of God."

"Damn right." She nodded, satisfied, and smiled. "Well, come on, sickly one, we've got history."

"Yay," Roxas replied, deadpan. "One of you wake me up if I fall asleep."

Hayner grinned and flicked his temple. "With pleasure."

Roxas rolled his eyes, but smiled a little, too, feeling marginally better. "You're a good friend, Hayner."

He meant it, too.

-

Roxas was somewhat proud to say that, unlike Hayner, he'd never had focus issues when it came to things he really had to do.

Until that particular Monday.

He supposed it made sense - it wasn't like what was happening to him could be called any sort of normal - but it was frustrating to sit in class and not process a single thing the teacher said. And he _liked _war history. He just couldn't take it in with his thoughts jumping around erratically and totally beyond his control. Things immediately around him seemed almost dreamlike as he remembered things from a life that had once only been real in his sleep. He tried to listen to the causes of World War I, he really did, but every time he started to take notes, another memory hit him, another image or another emotion, little things that were slowly fitting together into a more complete picture.

It was heartbreaking. Even though he'd lived it, once upon a time, he was having trouble fathoming the emptiness of it all. An emptiness great enough to drive him away from the one bright spot in his world. It was so impossibly sad and horrifying that his throat kept getting tight and a heaviness had settled in his chest. But he knew that crying wouldn't make it any better and, every time he started to feel like he was going to collapse, he swallowed a few times and gritted his teeth and the feeling passed.

He just kept reminding himself that he _wasn't alone_. Axel had been through it and was fine. Demyx, too, and Zexion. Riku. Soon Sora would be ready and he'd need Roxas to be strong.

_Sora..._

Sora was almost painfully bright in his memories. Like trying to stare into the sun. They were two sides of one person, mirror-match and at odds at once, but they were both alive. Roxas had to wonder if it was some sort of cosmic accident, if he'd developed too much of a sense of self. Maybe that was why they ended up divided. Maybe that was how they'd both come to be whole. Sora was already strong, almost impossibly so, but Roxas had come into a strength of his own. Strong enough to survive on his own, anyway.

It made him wonder about Axel's Somebody from that life. Was that person out there, too? Or maybe he hadn't needed another chance and had already moved on. It didn't really matter, as long as Axel was there.

He had to wonder if, really, that was where his strength had come from.

He must have been drifting off, because all of a sudden a pencil jabbed into his ribs and he jumped a little, jolted out of his thoughts and into the life he was living then.

"Hey man," Hayner muttered under his breath, "don't glare at me like that. You're the one who said he didn't want to fall asleep in class."

And it was so _normal_, so mundane, that Roxas had to smile and bite the inside of his cheek before he laughed. It didn't really matter what he remembered, in the end, because in that life he was eighteen years old and almost finished with his senior year and so in love it sometimes made it hard to breathe. And then he knew.

_Everything's gonna be all right._

-

Roxas called Axel as soon as he was done for the day, walking almost aimlessly down the sidewalk in the sunshine.

"Hey, babe, how are you holding up?" Axel kept his voice light, but Roxas could hear a hint of concern behind it.

He shrugged even though no one could see it. "Okay. I don't think I learned a damn thing all day, but I'm not on the brink of a total collapse or anything."

Axel chuckled. "That's good, I'm glad. In case you couldn't tell, I've been worrying about you."

Roxas smiled. "Oh, I could definitely tell. You can be pretty transparent."

"Only for you, Rox, only for you." He sounded like he was smiling, too. "You wanna go out? We haven't had a proper date in awhile and I feel like we should celebrate. I'll pay."

Roxas grinned. "Yeah, okay. What are we eating?"

"You like sushi?"

"You said that pretty fast," Roxas replied. "I almost feel like you're using me as an excuse to eat Japanese food."

Axel laughed. "Maybe a little. But, seriously, beyond my craving rice and seafood, we really should go do something fun. And that come back to my place and do something that's even _more_ fun."

"Oh, now I know this is a set-up." He couldn't help but laugh, happily. "But I'm oddly okay with that. Sushi and a good time it is."

"Awesome. You want to meet at the station near my place? There's a great sushi shop, like, a block away. Demyx took me."

"Sure, that sounds great." He smiled into the phone. "I'll see you in about fifteen minutes, then."

Axel's voice was warm and clear, like summer. "See you soon."

-

As it turned out, 'like, a block away' was Axel-speak for: _I have no idea where the fuck this restaurant is._

It took just shy of three blocks for Roxas to figure this out. The first extra block he'd forgiven, because it was entirely possible Axel's perception of the distance from the station was a little off, and a one-block difference wasn't that bad. About halfway down the second block, as they headed into an area that looked kind of residential and very _not_ sushi restaurant-like, he realised that Axel's confidence that 'it's just a little farther, Rox' was really just a bluff.

"You have no idea where this place is, do you?" he asked lightly as they waited at the next intersection.

"Nope!" Axel admitted cheerfully. "But that's okay, it's an adventure! Right, left or keep going?"

"How about we go back? Since we're getting into a neighbourhood or something." And he really wasn't in the mood to wander into some residential area where they'd traumatise all the nice suburban families.

"Aww, you're no fun." Axel grinned at him and slipped a hand into his.

"Axel, I'm hungry. I don't want to wander around aimlessly all afternoon!" He laced their fingers together a little more tightly.

"All right, fine." He sighed dramatically. "I guess awesome sushi was not meant to be. How do burgers sound?"

Roxas laughed. "Wait, you just did a total 180 there. Sushi to _burgers_?"

"What? Burgers are always a good backup." He smirked.

Roxas shook his head wryly. "Whatever you want, Axel. I'm just hungry, anything edible is acceptable at this point."

"I feel like I need to find something you absolutely hate, just because you said that." He grinned at him, flashing slightly crooked teeth. "But that'd be mean and you don't deserve it."

"Thanks." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I'm being a nice guy here!" The grin grew. "You _did_ just give me free reign to pick whatever I want."

"Yeah," Roxas reasoned, "but I'm not all that picky, which means you'd have to pick something genuinely bad. And then you'd have to eat it, too."

Axel made a show of considering his logic. "Point. Burgers it is! I know a great place, too."

"Do you actually know where this one is?" Roxas asked, arching an eyebrow sceptically.

"Yes, actually. And, no, I don't mean 'I went there one time with Demyx.'"

"Good." Roxas nodded. "Because that shit was ridiculous. How long would you have let us walk before admitting that you really had no idea where we were going?"

Axel thought about it. "Oh, probably another three blocks or so. I've got my pride here, Rox."

Roxas rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, great. You would've let me waste away from hunger for the sake of your pride. Some boyfriend you are."

"What are you talking about?" Axel released his hand to throw his arm around his shoulders and pull him close. "I'm a fucking awesome boyfriend. I'm buying you dinner and everything."

"If we ever get to a restaurant." But he settled in close against Axel's side, anyway, because it was nice there.

"We will. And the food will be so delicious, you'll forget all about me dragging you around town looking for the elusive amazing sushi shop." They were back at the train station and he directed Roxas inside to cut through.

"I hope so."

"You'll see." Axel tilted his head to grin at him with all the confidence in the world and Roxas had to smile back because, seriously, who else tried so hard to buy him a decent dinner on short notice?

Unfortunate side trips aside, it was shaping up to be a pretty good night.

-

"Oh, I have something to tell you," Axel said abruptly, about halfway through their meal, waving his burger for emphasis before taking another bite out of it.

Roxas looked at him expectantly. "Okay?"

"Riku's made a lot of progress with Sora. I think he's coming around." He smiled across the table. "Riku seemed pretty confident about it, anyway, and from the way he was smiling I think it's safe to say he finally got laid."

Roxas winced and took a sip of his soda. "Don't say things like that, Axel. Sora's my cousin, I don't want to think about his sex life. At all."

His unsympathetic boyfriend just shrugged one shoulder and smirked. "Whatever you say, babe. I'll scratch the sexual habits of Riku and Sora off the list of potential discussion topics."

Rolling his eyes, Roxas threw a fry at him. It bounced off his shoulder. "Stop being a jerk."

"You know you love it." Under the table, he hooked his foot around Roxas' ankle.

"Mm," Roxas replied noncommittally.

"You love _me_." He grinned broadly. "Don't even try to deny it, I've got you figured out."

Roxas didn't even blush as he calmly arched an eyebrow. "If you're trying to make me squirm, Axel, it's a little late in the game. I've got _you _figured out, too."

Axel sighed in mock-resignation. "I suppose I'll just have to find new methods. Since the sexual habits of Riku and Sora are out, I could start discussing our sexual habits while we're out for dinner. That could be fun."

"Don't even." He gave him a warning look. "Or I will go home after letting you pay."

"Aww, you'd leave me to be sad and lonely? You're cold, Rox."

"Keep baiting me, Axel, and we'll see how cold I can get." He popped a fry in his mouth.

Axel finished his burger. "You are no fun at all, Rox. Speaking of fun!" He grinned again. "We should do something ridiculous like organise a multiple date with other couples we know. Not just a double-date, because everyone does shit like that, but something more ambitious. We could at least get Demyx and Zexion, and Riku and Sora. Oh, and your friends Hayner and Olette."

Roxas just looked at him for a few seconds. "You're kind of spastic today. Where the fuck did this come from?"

He shrugged. "I'm a genius, what can I say? I think of stuff like this on the fly."

"Right." Roxas rolled his eyes. "Whatever. If you want to try to organise a quadruple date, we can do that. But, um, _why_?"

"For the sake of doing it," Axel said instantly. "Seriously, Rox, sometimes you just need to do things for their own sake. It's part of being alive."

"The philosophy of Axel Keene," Roxas said dryly. But it actually sounded like it could be a lot of fun, if it wasn't a total and utter disaster. "All right. We'll have our quadruple date for the sake of having a quadruple date. You get to convince Riku and Zexion that this is a good idea."

"You would give me the hard work." But he grinned again, happily. "This'll be awesome, Rox, you'll see. Or it'll be a disaster along the lines of the sinking of the Titanic, but we're gonna ignore that."

Roxas shook his head, smiling almost incredulously. "You are so crazy."

"I know." He smiled and it was a little softer than his excited grins. "And you love every minute of it."

It wasn't something Roxas could even think of denying.

"Yeah, actually." He smiled back. "Yeah, I do."


	17. XVII

Notes: Hisashiburi, ne? It's been... a fucking long time. Like, what, roughly three months since my last update? Long enough that you deserve some sort of explanation for my absence, anyway. Um, first I had the job search from Hell, which culminated in a great opportunity as a medical records assistant for way more money than most university students make during summer holidays. Unfortunately, this job was only available due to it coming with the world's worst co-workers and it turned out to the most painful summer job ever, sapping all my creative energy and making me want to curl up in a corner and cry instead. I had such a hard time holding onto my fraying sanity that writing sort of fell by the wayside. But, that job has finally ended, so writing has resumed. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, because a three-month unintended hiatus is pretty substantial (and lame), so hopefully this will push me in the right direction. But, hey, at least I'm not dead!

In this chapter... stuff happens. And Axel listens to Michael Jackson in his car. It's not my best work by any stretch of the imagination, but finishing something is always a good motivator. At this point, I just wanted to get a chapter out there, so that I could stop feeling so pathetic and hopefully get some momentum back. So, if I were in the habit of titling the chapters of this fic, I think I'd call this one 'The Quadruple Date (part one).'

**XVII**

Roxas was getting tired of nightmares.

It had only been a little less than two weeks since he'd taken his massive leap of faith with the Project, but he'd jerked awake in the early hours of the morning, always later than two and earlier than four, every single night. He'd thought the old dreams were bad, but they had nothing on the nightmares, which smelled like storms and tasted like ash and ached like forever and got progressively more vivid and painful every night.

He hadn't known it was possible to feel so empty.

Except maybe he had, all those times when he'd scanned faces in crowds, looking for someone. Or something, anyway - a connection, a _reason._ And he'd seen people sometimes, he knew for a fact that he had, people who also had holes in their chests. But he'd never stopped any of them because, while like called to like, he'd also recognised that they weren't what he was looking for. None of them had the answers he needed.

Until Axel had walked into his life. Axel had answers, Axel _was_ his answer. Axel who smelled and tasted and felt just a little bit like the dreams.

Sometimes he'd lay awake, after a nightmare, and try out all the words that suddenly had meaning.

_Keyblade... Nobody... Heartless..._ _Oblivion... _Round and round and round until he was crying over nothing (except maybe that was everything), laughing through the tears because he was finally starting to understand.

Then he'd call Axel and they'd go find an all-night diner and share a plate of greasy food, chair dancing in their pyjamas to the shitty music the surly lone server played too loud, until the sun came up and the world slowly solidifying in Roxas' memories lost some of its power.

It wasn't perfect - Roxas still had to go to class on time, Axel still had bills to pay, normal life went on - but it was something to hold onto and those impromptu dates in the middle of the night were probably more meaningful than anything else in his life.

So, even though the nightmares were driving him nuts and he wasn't thrilled with being stuck in the uncomfortable liminal space of almost-but-not-quite remembering, he was pretty okay.

And, really, okay was sometimes the best thing he could hope for.

-

"This is such a bad idea."

Axel grinned at him and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel in time to the music. Roxas hadn't known his boyfriend was a Michael Jackson fan, but somehow it made a weird sort of sense. Axel was quirky like that. "Probably. But you know it'll be awesome, anyway."

Roxas gave him a sceptical look. "If by 'awesome' you mean 'disastrous', then yeah, we're golden."

"You need to work on living dangerously, Rox," Axel informed him authoritatively. "You can't always be worried that things will go awry, you know. It's just not a healthy mindset."

"There's a difference between worrying and being certain, Axel." Roxas rolled his eyes and leaned his head against the window. "I can't believe I agreed to this."

"But you _did_ and that's what makes it all so fantastic!" Axel beamed at him like an idiot and Roxas resisted the urge to hit him. He was pretty sure assaulting the driver was on the list of things one shouldn't do while in a moving vehicle. Driver's ed had probably covered it, or something.

Roxas sighed. "There are so many ways this can suck, it's not even funny. We're putting my friends together with Demyx, Zexion, Riku and Sora. And us. This is, like, the perfect set-up for the world's most impressive dating horror story. We could send it in to a teen magazine, with all the names changed to make us sound like we're characters in a high school drama. It'll be _great._"

"And that's _fun_," Axel replied patiently. "See, you really need to change your attitude a little. If you go into this thinking it'll be horrible, it'll be horrible. But if you think it'll be the awesomest date ever, then it will be!"

Roxas blinked. "Did you just say _awesomest_?"

"Maybe." He grinned teasingly.

"I can't believe I'm dating you."

Axel smiled beatifically. "Too late. You're stuck with me, and my spectacular vocabulary."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Duly noted. Where is this so-called awesomest date ever going to be, anyway? You didn't say."

"Didn't I?" _Thriller _came on the stereo and Axel pushed the forward button a couple of times to _Billie Jean_ instead. "We're having Chinese."

"Do you actually know where the restaurant _is_ this time?" Roxas smirked.

"Yep." Axel tossed him another grin. "House of Kwan. It's great, best crab puffs in town."

"Cool." Roxas tapped his hand against his thigh in time to the beat, even though it wasn't really his kind of music. It just happened to be pretty catchy, was all.

Axel looked over at him for a second, as they stopped at a light. "You okay?"

_No. Yes. Maybe. _"Yeah, I'm fine."

Axel glanced over again, his expression suddenly gentle. "You know, all teasing aside, if this is too much, we don't have to do it. You and I can get take-out and watch a shitty movie and put crazy dates off till you feel like your feet are back on the ground."

Roxas, for some reason, hadn't really expected Axel to get it quite like that. He knew he should have, but there was a weird feeling of isolation in remembering things he arguably hadn't really experienced. "No, it's cool. I'm just... adjusting, I guess. I can't sit around and brood all the time, or I'll go crazy. This is good for me."

Axel paused and gave him another contemplative look. "If you're sure. But, seriously, Rox, if you decide halfway through that, you know, this really wasn't such a great idea, just tell me and we'll leave. Okay?"

That wouldn't happen - Roxas could sometimes be just a little bit too proud - but he nodded, anyway, because it was a nice thought. "Will do."

Axel chuckled and shook his head. "Why don't I believe you?"

Roxas smiled innocently. "Who? Me?"

"Yeah." He rolled his eyes. "As long as you're happy, Rox."

He smiled again, more genuinely, because this was something he knew the answer to. "I am."

-

Demyx and Zexion were waiting for them in front of the restaurant, Demyx looking ecstatic and Zexion looking... Zexion-like. Riku, Sora, Hayner and Olette were nowhere in sight.

"Well," Axel said cheerfully, slinging an arm around his shoulders, "we've got half of our date. That's a good start!"

Zexion rolled his eyes. "You're looking particularly spastic today, Axel."

"Just enjoying myself, Zex," Axel said, annoyingly chipper.

"That's the spirit!" Demyx said enthusiastically. "You and Roxas need to get with the program, Zexion. Be happy!"

"I am happy," Zexion and Roxas replied in unison.

"Creepy," Demyx noted, not sounding particularly creeped out. "Maybe you two shouldn't spend too much time together, after all."

"Whatever," Roxas replied dismissively, a little anxious and a little edgy and a little happy to see them, all at the same time. It all came together in a weird knot in his stomach that made him feel just a little bit sick. Hopefully food would help.

"Where are the others?" Axel asked, moving along smoothly. "Any idea?"

"Riku and Sora are coming," Demyx said. "Riku sent me a text about five minutes ago. Don't know about the other two."

Roxas was already pulling out his phone to call Olette. "I'm on it."

The phone rang twice before she answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, Olette, you got an ETA?" Silver hair caught his eye and he waved at an approaching Riku and Sora with his free hand.

"Um, ten minutes maybe?" She sounded somewhat flustered and annoyed. "Hayner got off to a late start, so we're behind."

"No worries." Roxas shrugged one shoulder. "You want us to wait, or should we go ahead and get a table?"

"Go on ahead," she replied instantly. "There's no sense holding everyone up for the two of us. We'll be there as soon as possible, hopefully without my having had to kill Hayner."

"Okay, then," he said, grinning. "If you're sure."

"Definitely." It sounded like she was smiling. "We're on our way."

"Sounds good. See you soon."

"Yep!" she said, stubborn cheerfulness forcing its way through Hayner-induced frustration. "Bye!"

Roxas flipped his phone shut. "They're running late, a la Hayner. Olette says to go ahead and get a table - they'll catch up soon." He looked over at the new additions to their huddle outside the restaurant and grinned wryly. "This isn't all that unusual, as Sora can probably attest."

"Doesn't Hayner run late to... everything?" Sora grinned back, then leapt forward to surprise Roxas with a hug that was more than half tackle. "I haven't seen you in forever - how are you?"

"You just saw me a few weeks ago," Roxas pointed out. Riku gave him a sympathetic, what-can-you-do sort of look look and mouthed _sorry_ over Sora's head. "When you took the train out here, remember?"

"Well, duh." Sora let him go and rolled his eyes expressively. "Of course I remember! But that's not an answer: how _are_ you?"

Roxas shrugged, a little bit awkwardly. It was a perfectly fair question, but he didn't know exactly what Sora did and did not know, which made it somewhat difficult to answer. "I'm okay. A little stressed, but holding up."

Sora folded his hands behind his head and looked at Axel. "Take better care of him."

Riku snorted and tugged Sora back against his side. "I'm sure Axel and Roxas are doing just fine, Sora."

Axel's initial look of surprise melted into laughter. "Listen to your boyfriend, Sora: I'm doing the best I can! But Rox isn't exactly a little wilting flower. There's only so much care-taking I can do without being verbally assaulted for my deep concern."

Roxas scowled at him half-heartedly. "Gee, thanks, boyfriend."

Axel wrapped both arms around him in a quick, almost smothering hug and kissed the top of his head. "Any time, babe, any time."

"Are we going in to get a table, or what?" Zexion interjected, arching an eyebrow and flicking his hair back out of his face. "You may be content to stand on the sidewalk making a spectacle of yourselves, but some of us would like to eat."

"Hey," Axel said, laughing again, "eating is something I can definitely get behind."

"Yes, I'm sure," Zexion replied dryly. Demyx batted the back of his head and he gave his boyfriend a long-suffering sort of look. "Was that really called for, Demyx?"

"Of course it was." Demyx grinned. "Come on, let's go inside. I hope they have a big table free. We have how many... eight?"

"Yep," Sora said happily, grabbing Riku's hand. "I hope Hayner and Olette get here soon, though, I'm starving."

"You're _always_ starving, Sora," Riku pointed out, lacing their fingers together cosily. "You have a black hole for a stomach."

"So?" Sora grinned and tapped the end of Riku's nose playfully. Roxas smiled helplessly because there was just something really nice about seeing his cousin so happy. He wondered if he and Axel ever gave anyone else that sort of fuzzy feeling.

_Probably not. We're not exactly the sweetest, most adorable couple in the world._ But then Axel, possibly not to be outdone, slipped his arm around Roxas' waist and pulled him in close, kissing his temple softly.

Well, maybe they could be sweet and adorable sometimes. Everyone had their moments, after all.

Zexion shook his head wryly. "I hope your friends aren't of the likely-to-be-overwhelmed-by-the-gay persuasion, or they're going to be in for a long lunch."

"I think they'll be okay," Roxas replied. "Well... Hayner might be a little weirded out at first, but with Olette here, he'll get over it pretty quick." He tilted his head slightly to the side and then added impatiently, "Can we go in now? Sora's not the only one who wants to eat."

"Going!" Demyx said, grinning as he turned on his heel and lead the way into the restaurant.

Roxas just hoped they weren't too busy. Or too likely to be, as Zexion had put it, overwhelmed by the gay.

-

As it turned out, House of Kwan did not have single large tables. However, they knew Zexion and were eager enough to push a couple of smaller square tables together, making a sort of impromptu banquet table in the back of the restaurant. Either due to obliviousness or tact (or maybe a little bit of both), the two servers, one of whom was doubtless the owner, didn't even give them a funny look.

"So far so good," Roxas said softly to Axel as they took the two seats directly across from Demyx and Zexion. Sora and Riku sat next to them, leaving half a table for the latecomers.

"I told you, Rox, this place is awesome." Axel smiled happily and picked up one of the two little pots of tea. "Tea?"

"You know," Riku said, leaning forward to look around Sora, "I've heard that in some cultures tea-pouring has really intimate implications."

"Good thing I'm only offering tea to Roxie, then, isn't it?" Axel glanced at him, arching an eyebrow.

Take that apparently as some sort of bizarre challenge, Riku smoothly picked up the teapot down at his end of the table and poured some for Sora. Sora and Roxas just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Demyx laughed and, to fit in, poured some tea for Zexion.

"Are we attempting to establish gender roles?" Zexion asked mildly, returning the favour and then lifting his cup to his nose. "Because I think, as a general rule, women are the ones who pour."

Axel pushed the teapot over to Roxas in a completely unsubtle hint. "Well, we can't have that, can we?"

Roxas rolled his eyes again and set down his own cup to pour some tea for his boyfriend. "You can be kind of a pain in the ass, did you know that?"

Axel laughed. "You're tough - you can handle it. And, anyway, it builds character."

"Yeah, whatever." His first sip over the suddenly-symbolic tea was a little bit disappointing. It was very strong. To keep his dignity intact, he didn't comment on it and kept a straight face.

At that moment, Olette rushed in, Hayner trailing after her. There was a hint of irritation left in her face, but it vanished as she got to the table. "Hi, everyone! Sorry we're late - Hayner apparently thought we were meeting at one, not noon." Her wry tone told them exactly what she thought of that particular excuse.

"I tried to be on time!" Hayner insisted. "I just... got a little confused? Yeah, that."

Demyx grinned at them and waved his hand dismissively. "Since you're here now, it doesn't really matter! I'm Demyx, and this is my boyfriend, Zexion." He nudged him. "And... do you know everyone else?"

"Yeah," Olette said, beaming. "I'm Olette, and I'm sure you've already figured it out, but this jerk is named Hayner."

"You know it's true love when the insults start flying," Sora said, nodding sagely. Roxas and Riku snorted.

"Sit down, guys." Roxas grinned. "I think we can forgive the lateness as long as we can order soon. I think everyone here is starving."

"Demyx didn't give me a chance to eat breakfast," Zexion informed them.

"Oh?" Axel grinned wickedly. "And just what were you doing _instead_?"

Zexion tilted his chin up slightly. "Why? Looking for inspiration already?"

Roxas, who had been bravely sipping his tea again, almost choked as everyone at the table, even Hayner, laughed. Axel faked offence and made a point of scooting his chair closer to Roxas' as he shot back, "What you're doing, Zexion, is called _projecting_, but there's therapy for everything these days, so I'm sure you can get help."

While Roxas put his face in his hand, Olette, Demyx and Riku looked amused, and Hayner looked torn between laughing and separating himself from their table, Sora held up his hands in a gesture that was probably meant to be reassuring and peaceful.

"No fighting at the table," he announced authoritatively. "It's against the rules. However, if you want to pick this up again after we've left the restaurant, following proper protocol, of course, then by all means note your stopping point. I volunteer myself to referee, if necessary."

Roxas couldn't help it, he finally cracked up. Provided they didn't get themselves tossed out of the restaurant for being a disturbance (and provided that Hayner managed to settle on one end of the reaction spectrum), it was going to be a good lunch. Long, melodramatic and slightly dysfunctional, but good.

He could handle that.


	18. XVIII

Notes: Okay, so I ended up dropping off the face of the fandom for about a third of a year. My senior year of undergrad turned out to be a little crazier than I'd expected and, to be perfectly honest, I got sucked into Sherlock Holmes fandom. Little known fact: Sherlock Holmes is one of my greatest formative influences as a writer (if you've never read the canon, you should - you have four novels and 56 short stories to choose from and the homoerotic subtext between Holmes and Watson is breathtaking). I've had this chapter sitting half-written on my hard drive for about three months, I just lost my focus with the Holmes and some original fiction and then Yuletide. But I'm finally back to try to finish the last few chapters because I've invested a lot into this story and it deserves an ending. This chapter is a little on the short side, unfortunately, but it finished up the date and will hopefully get me back into the right mindset to give the last fourth or so of this story a proper go.

Also, dedicating this chapter to Slothy Girl who left the lovely review that finally prompted me to get it together.

**XVIII**

"How are we ordering?" Hayner asked, not bothering to look up from his paper menu with a torn corner and sketchy-looking stains marring some of the text. "Family style or individual?"

That brought the scattered conversation at the table to a standstill. Nothing, after all, was more significant than deciding how and what they were going to eat. Almost in unison, everyone picked up their own menus and scanned the options.

"This place has huge portions," Axel offered helpfully. "We could probably order five or six things and share with food left over."

"I don't know," Olette said with a sly smile. "Hayner's a bottomless pit."

"It's true," Roxas said, smirking as Hayner chose to puff up with exaggerated pride rather than take offence at the teasing. "I don't know if anyone here could out-eat him."

"Damn straight." Hayner leaned forward to look at the group. "So you better be pretty confident about the portion size, or we'll have problems."

"Do we seriously have to argue about everything here?" Sora asked, laughing. "Come on, guys, what did I say about waiting till we've left the restaurant? Don't make me get in the middle of this."

"Yes, mom," Axel replied with an expressive eye roll.

"So, about the food," Demyx said loudly, redirecting the conversation again. "How about we order six things and then, if it's not enough, we can always order more?"

"Sounds good to me." Riku nodded and Roxas noticed randomly that he was holding Sora's hand under the table like he was afraid to let go. But Roxas knew how that felt, the worry that if he looked away for too long, Axel wouldn't be there, anymore, the sick sort of fear that followed the thought, and he smiled slightly as he caught Riku's eye. Riku smiled back, briefly, and Roxas felt lighter all of a sudden, liberated by the realisation that they understood each other and were all in it together.

_We all understand each other,_ Roxas thought. All of them except for Olette and Hayner, maybe, but that was all right, too. He didn't need all his friends to understand, as long as no one was alone.

He must have been quiet for too long, because Axel looked at him with concerned eyes. "You okay, Rox?" he asked quietly.

Roxas smiled at him. "Yeah, I am, just thinking."

"Be careful about that, man," Hayner interjected, grinning at him. "Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Roxas made a face and everyone laughed. Before he could shoot back a reply, though, the waiter showed up and the moment was lost. Witty comebacks had a very narrow window of opportunity and Roxas was forced to give up on it because, by the time they'd ordered, it would definitely be too late.

"Do we know what we want?" Zexion asked, looking around the table. There were enough assenting nods that he decided to take initiative and get started. "All right, we'll have a pork fried rice..." He trailed off meaningfully, waiting for someone to jump in.

"Almond chicken," Axel said quickly, which made the order process seem more like a contest than an organised decision about what they were going to eat for lunch.

To Roxas' mild surprise, Olette was the one to take him up on it, leaning forward to add an order for crab puffs before anyone else could jump in. She'd always been pretty tough, the girl who hung out with boys, but Hayner gave Roxas an almost startled look. Apparently, being surrounded by their particular mix of couples, which was admittedly balanced more towards the testosterone side of the scale, was bringing out her competitive side. Roxas liked it, as did Hayner, if the way he smiled at her was any indication.

Not to be out done, Roxas set his menu down decisively and said, "Beef with broccoli."

With two entrées left to order, the remaining members of their party looked at each other for a moment. Then Sora said, "Sweet and sour chicken," almost at the same time that Demyx requested chicken chow mien. The waiter looked somewhat bemused, but he just nodded, read the order back at them, and politely fled to place it.

Riku laughed. "We're a weird table, you know."

Axel waved a hand dismissively. "I'm sure they've seen worse. I mean, on the scale of weird customers, we're pretty harmless."

"True," Roxas agreed, sipping his water. The restaurant was in kind of a sketchy neighbourhood, a table of young couples, even if all but one of those couples were gay, could not have been the worst thing to walk through the door.

For no real reason, except maybe because they were next to each other and he could, Axel slung his arm around Roxas' shoulders and pulled him close to his side. Roxas flashed a smile at him happily, though he did notice that Hayner glanced at Olette uneasily. His high school friends had been amazingly cool about Roxas and Axel, as well as the others, but he supposed it had to be a little bit weird. Hayner had always been the tough guy, a pretty typically masculine teenager, Roxas had to admit to himself that they probably needed to sit down and talk about some things. Roxas having a boyfriend didn't change anything between them, but he could see how Hayner might have felt awkward about it. After all, Roxas had felt a little awkward about Hayner and Olette when it first started, albeit for a slightly different reason. But Roxas didn't pull away from Axel. Hayner's discomfort wasn't enough to make him do that.

"So, Hayner and Olette." Demyx leaned over to look at them more directly.

"Yeah?" Olette said, raising her eyebrows curiously.

"How long have you two been together?" He grinned easily. Demyx was a good guy to have along, everyone's buddy and perfect for easing tension.

"About eight months." She smiled back and grabbed Hayner's hand. "We've been friends forever, as long as we've known Roxas, but we didn't start dating until this last year."

"After our other friend, Pence, and I forced Hayner to finally stop stalling and ask her out." Roxas smirked.

"Oh yeah, whatever." Hayner rolled his eyes. "I was waiting for the right moment, that's all."

"Uh huh." Roxas smirked again. "You just keep telling yourself that, Hayner."

Olette squeezed Hayner's hand again. "It's okay, Hayner, the way you asked was still perfect, even if it was a little late."

"Aww," Sora crooned. "That's cute."

That was when the waiter came back with the first three plates, distracting everyone again. While they were having a lot of fun, they were not doing so well in terms of attention span. But that was all right, as long as everyone had a good time Roxas would walk away happy and consider the experimental multi-date a success.

Zexion took responsibility for getting lunch to progress again, taking a portion of the rice and a crab puff and starting the process of passing the full plates around the table. It was good that they had him along, or the remaining combination would have made for the most ridiculously inefficient lunch ever. Demyx apparently had noticed the same thing, because he darted in to press a quick kiss to his boyfriend's cheekbone as he took the plate of almond chicken.

"This looks really good," Sora said eagerly, fidgeting in his seat impatiently as Riku got a spoonful of fried rice and deliberately took his time passing the plates along.

"Thanks for the suggestion, guys," Riku agreed, grinning as he finally gave in to Sora's obvious longing for food.

"Could you guys maybe hurry up?" Hayner asked, crossing his arms. "There are hungry people over here, too."

"Yeah, yeah," Sora said, rolling his eyes. "Hang on a minute - this is a very delicate operation, you know. Getting the right ratio of rice to vegetables is very important and requires concentration and..." He dropped half a spoonful of rice on the glass-topped table. "Skill."

Everyone burst out laughing and Riku patted his boyfriend's shoulder comfortingly before taking the spoon out of his hand and pushing the plate down the table. "Here, I think this would be better off in someone else's care." Sora pouted at him and he arched an eyebrow. "What? You're the one who just dropped valuable food on the table."

Hayner took the plate before Sora could try to get it back, grinning triumphantly. "Aw, don't look so sad, Sora, there's more food coming. Just don't drop that, too, or there might be violence."

"I thought there was a new rule about conflict at the table," Roxas interjected thoughtfully, taking a new plate from the waiter. Beef with broccoli - his favourite.

"There is," Olette said, taking the rice from Hayner as soon as he finished with it. "He's all talk, anyway." She turned a sweet smile on him. "Aren't you, dear?"

Hayner, who had just taken a bite of rice, scowled at her ineffectively. The exchange, the whole turn in the conversation, really, made Roxas very happy in a weird way. Despite the little tensions, Hayner adjusting to all the gay couples, the newness of everything, they all got along well as a group. They were able to laugh with each other, anyway, and tease and enjoy themselves. There had been so much potential for epic failure with the set-up, throwing so many people together in a restaurant like that, but it had turned out to be a lot of fun. Unlikely as it seemed, they were an oddly compatible group. Probably not life-long best friend, fit-for-a-sitcom material, but a good mix for a party. Or a multi-date, as the case may have been.

Roxas looked at Axel and Axel looked back, grinning as they obviously shared the same thought.

_Success._


End file.
